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It's Superbad, Only SUPER F**KING BAD

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (20)

virginity.jpg

Wherefore shall four young stout lads of virtuous naught gather, thine quest shall be only to get laid forsooth. This general sentiment has been etched on the walls of privies since the dawn of the shitter. I actually think that once the Lumiere brothers discovered the secret of moving pictures, their third one was about The Quest for the Highschool Pussy. Because that’s all that matters.

It was bad enough your daughters were giving up their virtues to sweaty fumbling teenage assclowns in the backseats of cars. Now, it’s gonna be on YouTube!

The Virginity Hit is about a bunch of losers who were cast because they look and sound like the losers from the Hollywood studio flicks who want to lose their virginity. Actually, it’s even worse. It’s about a group of wannabe AV clubbers who document their efforts through YouTube videos in their quest to get their ugly McLovin friend laid. It’s Superbad, only SUPER FUCKING BAD.

It’s supposed to look like an endearingly awkward documentary, but it’s painfully scripted by the guy who directed Chea+ers and the dude who wrote The Last Exorcism.

I won’t even get into the privacy issues, the total revulsion of exploiting a teenage girl, the child pornography slant, the hideousness of the actors, or the general skeeviness of turning out a generation of camera phone/Flip wielding Joe Francises. I think this is all just a sinister plot hatched by studios to encourage a generation of twits to broadcast their sexual escapades so the government steps in and violates any possible net neutrality once and for all.

Because that’s the only reason something like this would be made. THE ONLY REASON.

Adam McKay and Will Ferrell produce.










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Comments

I'm looking for one redeemable trait in any of the characters or the movie for that matter. Nope, I still want to strangle them all.

Posted by: admin at August 18, 2010 10:46 AM

Every great communications device was used for porn about 10 seconds after it was invented. Remember that the very first telephone message was, "Watson, come here, I want you." (wink wink)

History books mention the first telegraph message was "What hath God wrought." What they never mention is that the reply was, "Some mighty fine deep-dicking, Sam, thanks for asking."

Movies and TV and the Internet, you know about.

Posted by: , at August 18, 2010 10:53 AM

Well, that looks terrible but at least Michael Cera isn't in it.

(Ha! That should be the new marketing campaign for every movie that comes out over the next 3 months: Go See Vampire Sucks! It Doesn't Star Michael Cera! -- DR)

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 18, 2010 10:55 AM

Since you were there, comma, can you tell us what the first messages were that were sent by, mail, smoke signal and the message that was in the bottle?

Posted by: admin at August 18, 2010 10:56 AM

The movie trailer look bad...really bad. The movie are about douches doing douchebag things. If the movie is going for a doc style film why the friends of the main character asshole? The movie look really horrible.

Posted by: madclawmannn at August 18, 2010 10:57 AM

I made it halfway through that trailer and wanted to line up everyone involved with it, nuts to butts, and take a flamethrower to the lot of them. What a vapid, shitty idea for a movie.

I will say that the lead actress is insanely cute, though.

Posted by: Kballs at August 18, 2010 11:11 AM

admin, I'm not sure messages in bottles count as "great communications devices"- "mediocre" at best, really.

Mail depends on whether you are willing to accept couriers as mail, or whether you are referring to the more strict definition of messages going through a centralized postal system. With one, you've got the stunning erotic letters of Go Daon to his third wife. As for the latter, King Darius of Persia sent out mass missives querying the clothing choices of new brides.

Scholars widely believe the first smoke signal to be a request for well-hung plumbers by the lonely housewives at Mesa Sekse.

Thanks, wikipedia!

Posted by: Phaeolus at August 18, 2010 11:52 AM

This band of dipshits is trying to be the next young and awkward comedy crew, with this shitmobile as their foot in the Hollywood door? Did anyone else think that one fat kid has a poor man's Jonah Hill voice? Way to be original, ass hats.

Posted by: krza at August 18, 2010 1:03 PM

I saw this trailer in the theatre, one of the few times I see a trailer for a movie I hadn't heard about beforehand, and all I could think is why would this girl be that interested in this dorky guy.

Posted by: e at August 18, 2010 1:36 PM

F*CK this MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: junierizzle at August 18, 2010 3:57 PM

ugh

Posted by: splinter at August 18, 2010 6:32 PM

Well here's the perfect opening musical theme, by Blink 182 no less.

Makes about as much sense.

You're Welcome. (REALLY NSFW)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SfV9Z5hUKg&feature=related

Posted by: bleujayone at August 18, 2010 6:55 PM

net neutrality

That word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

But I get your point.

Posted by: the_wakeful at August 18, 2010 7:09 PM

I'm really surprised Merchant Ivory passed on this project. It was too classy for them, I guess.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 18, 2010 10:05 PM

Yeah, that dad was far too lenient by merely pushing him to the ground. Me? I would have followed up with a nice kick to the teeth.

And as a card-carrying virgin (yes, even at my advanced age), I would rather hang myself balls-first over a pit of syphilitic conquistadors (I miss you, Better Off Ted!) while TK held a match to the rope and made out with Kat Dennings in my face and Slim and Pookie host a roundtable about....anything than ever, ever, EVER CALL THAT FUCKING NUMBER.

Goddamn douchebags. Between them and those idiots with the promise rings, there is no quarter for me, is there?

Posted by: Vermillion at August 18, 2010 10:14 PM

That looks terrible

There has to be better ways for Ida Maria to get paid

Posted by: Brian at August 18, 2010 11:42 PM

i got bored halfway through i couldnt finish the trailer. if i wanted to watch teen douches acting like douchebags i'd just go down the local offlicence and watch them loitering, i wouldnt pay £7, £10 whtever it costs these days for the privlidge. (yeah i havent been to the cinema in a while, shit like this lets me know i'm not missing much).

Posted by: Danny at August 19, 2010 10:33 AM

I know I'm gonna get flamed for this, but... I don't mind it? Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the adorableness of the girl and the main kid (sorry), but despite the grossness of filming underage kids gettin' down and dirty... it's cute?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING

Posted by: deadbrilliant at September 8, 2010 2:00 PM

Fuck this shit. This film is like Blaire Witch Gone Wild. Media is becoming way, way too accessible. Cinema-graphically speaking, accepting a poorly edited super-8 or early digital film camera is one thing, but 4-8 MP cell-phone video is another. And I agree with remarks that this sets a creepy precedent.
When do they just realize that they can just roofie the girl's drink and get their manhood? Isn't that funny?... Maybe not just yet.

Go fuck yourselves, kids. And fuck you if this movie appeals to you.

Posted by: negative nelly at September 10, 2010 11:41 PM

Actually "," the line is
"Come here Doctor Watson, I want to see you."

Also, this movie looks like shit, stuffed with crap.

Posted by: Jason at September 22, 2010 11:38 PM