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The Trailer For Madonna's W.E.: If You Can Make It Through This Without Rolling Your Eyes, You Win A Prize

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (40)

we-movie-image-01.jpg

Oh, wow. You guys.

YOU GUYS.

I have a challenge for you, and it’s a doozy. If you can pull it off, then you will win my respect. And since I don’t respect any of you, anyone can win. All you have to do is make it through the entire three minutes of the trailer for W.E. without rolling your eyes a single time. Directed by Madonna (yup), it’s… well… here’s the synopsis:

W.E. tells the story of two fragile but determined women - Wally Winthrop and Wallis Simpson - separated by more than six decades. In 1998, lonely New Yorker Wally Winthrop (Abbie Cornish) is obsessed with what she perceives as the ultimate love story: King Edward’s VIII’s abdication of the British throne for the woman he loved, American divorcée Wallis Simpson. But Wally’s research, including several visits to the Sotheby’s auction of the Windsor Estate, reveals that the couple’s life together was not as perfect as she thought. Weaving back and forth in time, W.E. intertwines Wally’s journey of discovery in New York with the story of Wallis (Andrea Riseborough) and Edward (James D’Arcy), from the glamorous early days of their romance to the slow unraveling of their lives in the decades that followed.

Good luck.

I mean, damn. I watched it with Mrs. TK and I think we may have set an eye-rolling record for our house. That shit is bad - a mawkish, overly sentimental, hackneyed, trite, plodding bucket of garbage. But hey, congrats on cramming that many cliched lines and title cards into a single trailer. That’s actually quite impressive.

Abbie Cornish, I expect better from you young lady.









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Comments

So, a "plinkity-plink-plink-plinky" score is the appropriate background music to set the tone for a story of a guy who was pussy-whipped. The More You Know.

Posted by: the other Courtney at October 20, 2011 10:56 AM

i lasted 13 seconds.

GOD DAMN IT ALL.

Posted by: gp at October 20, 2011 10:57 AM

I WIN - I didn't roll my eyes. That could be because I just woke up, and it takes me a good four hours to become human everyday.

Or it could be from the Severe Eye-Roll Fatigue I'm suffering as a result of attending a screening last night for a French film called For Lovers Only. It was so fucking bad, I walked out on it, and I've NEVER walked out on a film before. Don't watch that film y'all. Don't watch this one, either.

Posted by: Rest In Peace at October 20, 2011 11:01 AM

PS - "In Post Production"... is that a thing? I've never seen it before. I guess because if it had said "Coming Soon to Theaters", it would have been a lie, which maybe means this hasn't picked up distribution yet, praise God.

Posted by: Rest In Peace at October 20, 2011 11:03 AM

It's like Michael Bay grey a uterus.

Posted by: Sofia at October 20, 2011 11:06 AM

So I believe I slipped into an alternate universe were 2 minutes lasted 5 hours. I'm exhausted and my eyes are are now strained from the rolling. It slightly has a Possession feel to it (thou I'm not excited to admit that I watched that Paltrow movie)

The only thing I will give it is that at least Madonna isn't fully featuring herself in there. I couldn't take that.

Posted by: JennyJennK at October 20, 2011 11:11 AM

The reason it's in "post-production" is because it was laughed out of the theatre when it premiered at the Cannes festival so Madonna announced she would re-edit it for a later release. You have to hand it to her, she actually took what was a really horrific first version (based on my viewing of both of the original trailers) and managed to make it even worse (based on my viewing of this trailer). Now that takes work.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 20, 2011 11:12 AM

At first, it was a cinch. Then the modern day kicked in and I was done for. Done for. It is safe to say I will be rolling my eyes for the rest of the day. Signing my kids into the dentist. Stopping by Sonic. Making Parmesan chicken. All with only the whites showing.

Posted by: Agogagogo at October 20, 2011 11:14 AM

I didn't even make it to the trailer. I rolled my eyes three times reading the the first sentence of the synopsis.

W.E. tells the story of two fragile but determined women *eye roll* - Wally Winthrop *eye roll* and Wallis Simpson - separated by more than six decades *eye roll*.

Posted by: Greedy at October 20, 2011 11:21 AM

I can'y understand how Madonna can't make her own love life work. If this trailer is any indication she has a perfectly reasonable expectation of how a couple behave. You know, for the first week or so.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at October 20, 2011 11:23 AM

Apparently I am immune to the eye-rolling aspects but JEE-ZUZ was that ever boring. And when did three-minute trailers become a thing? This is getting out of control. I predict some day in the next 10 years, the trailers will be longer than the movies. Of course they will.

Posted by: , at October 20, 2011 11:29 AM

Does rolling your eyes at the press release count? How about rolling your eyes every time you got an e-mail begging you to come to a preview screening?

50 seconds later: never mind.

Posted by: Robert at October 20, 2011 11:49 AM

So, It's "Julie and Julia" only with fucking instead of food?

That was the longest 2 minutes of my life.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 20, 2011 11:50 AM

Wallis Simpson was many things but fragile is not one of them according of the biographies. I'm a little confused as to how the trailer quotes actual historical figures talking about WS yet seems to have turned her character into a quivering pudding of blandness.

Posted by: ArmaAngelus at October 20, 2011 11:54 AM

I'd be mawkishly, sentimentally, tragically, overwrought-ly bummed out if my name were "Wally."

Posted by: klingonfree at October 20, 2011 11:54 AM

I couldn't read the synopses of the Nazi sympathizers love story without rolling my eyes, but I watched most of the trailer...with the sound off.


Oh, shiney....pretty clothes.

Posted by: Jules at October 20, 2011 11:58 AM

I didn't need to watch the trailer. The name "Wally Winthrop" alone let me roll my eyes.

Posted by: FabMax at October 20, 2011 12:01 PM

It looks like legitimate fauxconic crap from the Faux Icon herself.

Posted by: DenG at October 20, 2011 12:17 PM

Just out of curiosity Madge, why do you think this romance between Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson should be presented as one of history's greatest love stories? Their behavior was a source of embarrassment not only to the Windsors but to the entire country.

Wallis was a racist, gold-digging socialite whose extramarital activities even before meeting the prince were also well known. David was an infamous womanizer and party animal whose exploits were often cited as grounds for abolishing the monarchy. When the two met and joined forces, they were prominent Nazi sympathizers and may in fact have committed several acts of treason and espionage that would have gotten anyone else shot instead of just being forcibly transplanted to the Bahamas as Governor where they still continued to associate with both Nazi and Fascist alike. I rather doubt this movie covers much of that.

I have to wonder how someone who claims to dabble in some form of Judaism would want to make a movie that seemingly glorifies this couple. It's as if the director didn't research the subject matter beforehand. Christ, all she'd have to do is watch their depiction in The King's Speech to realize there are probably better stories out there.

Posted by: bleujayone at October 20, 2011 12:23 PM

This is what Madonna said when asked about the Nazi thing:

"But after years of research, I could find no empirical evidence proving she was a Nazi or Nazi sympathizer."

While she and her husband did have lunch with Hitler, and Simpson met with Hitler's foreign minister, Madonna said they were far from the only ones in that era to do so.

"There was nothing unusual about them having a meeting at that time," Madonna said. "I believe people wanted to undermine their popularity once they abdicated."

It appears those three years of research she claims to have done managed to overlook the tons of evidence about their active involvement in trying to get Britain to side with Hitler even before the abdication.

But then what do I know? I'm certainly not an under-educated bad singer trying desperately to hang on to my youth, so I'm sure Madonna knows better.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 20, 2011 12:42 PM

I did it.

I will accept pancakes in lieu of your respect.

Posted by: superasente at October 20, 2011 12:44 PM

I think it pained me the most to hear Yan Tiersen's gorgeous score from Amelie in the background of this tripe. IS NOTHING SAFE FROM YOUR GOLLUM ARMS, MADONNA?!

Posted by: lyssie at October 20, 2011 1:08 PM

God, it took music from Amelie. Unforgivable.

Posted by: Katie at October 20, 2011 1:43 PM

56 seconds and out.

Posted by: miri at October 20, 2011 1:46 PM

I actually managed to not roll my eyes until it displayed "a film by madonna" as if she's an actual acclaimed director

Posted by: Holly at October 20, 2011 2:27 PM

Wasn't this a subplot in The King's Speech? It wasn't all that interesting there either.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 20, 2011 3:13 PM

I couldn't last a minute with the WE trailer. Even with the sound off.

I have pretty sound historical knowledge of this couple, which may hurt this movie far more than total ignorance would. Possibly, however, nothing will hurt this movie as much as its creator.

Posted by: NeoCleo at October 20, 2011 3:32 PM

"Darling, they can't hurt you if you don't let them."
True. So true. I picked up that thrown gauntlet and took the eyeroll challenge and watched that mawkish mess in its entirety. With sound.
I let you hurt me TK. I did.

Posted by: cinekat at October 20, 2011 3:46 PM

"After years of research" WTF

Posted by: Gal at October 20, 2011 5:21 PM

Wow. This is a joke right? It plays like one of the fake movie trailers from SCTV...Edith Prickley in Prickley Heat or Das Boobs. Mawkish, clicheed, (I love the bit of them rolling around in the surf-that was my first eye roll-there were many others). Truly a hack work of the first magnitude, a Heaven's Gate for the 21st century.

Posted by: MarkM at October 20, 2011 5:44 PM

"I will be the most despised woman in the world."

...Not nearly as despised as this soggy turd of a movie.

Posted by: stardust at October 20, 2011 6:43 PM

I don't win a prize. But on the bright side, we can all sit back and enjoy the scathing reviews the undereducated-bad-singer-and-even-worse- actress-trying-to-hold-on-to-her-youth will receive for this mawkish shitfest. I always enjoy it when Madonna is mocked. I wonder if she's pilfering her daughter's boyfriends yet.

Posted by: kirbyjay at October 20, 2011 7:24 PM

1-I had to try REAL hard not to roll my eyes. I did facepalm though.

2-Good Lord! The woman that Edward was in love with was by all accounts a shrewish, sadistic, nasty, contemptible woman. I haven't heard anything good about her. Except her attractiveness. How did Madonna take THAT and come up with this drivel? *headdesk* Sorry. I hate when people screw with history like this.

Posted by: Michele at October 20, 2011 11:19 PM

James D'Arcy has now been ratified as Benedict Cumberbatch's Mexican non-union equivalent.

Posted by: Maureen at October 21, 2011 10:03 PM

...Does UUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGG count as an eye-roll?...

Posted by: The Open Vein at October 22, 2011 4:35 AM

Awww I love Abbie Cornish. She needs to do more work, seriously.

Posted by: grace b at October 22, 2011 10:02 AM

But this looks horrendous.

Posted by: grace b at October 22, 2011 10:10 AM

Is that Geoff from Coupling? If at any point he announces that "lesbians are porn efficient", I will commit to watching this on Netflix.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 23, 2011 4:14 PM

I'm totally going to watch this, even if Abbie Cornish IS the 99%'s Charlize Theron.

Posted by: AM at October 24, 2011 10:32 PM

Argh. I gagged when the Amélie music came on. SHAME ON YOU, MADGE!

On the other hand, Jeff from Coupling! All hail the melty man!

Posted by: nipsy at October 25, 2011 7:20 AM