The Trailer For Division III: Football's Finest Is Merely An Excuse For Me To Tell My Andy Dick Story
Despite the reckless, wild, lavish lifestyle of a movie blogger (HA!), I've had few brushes with fame. I once sat next to Kid from Kid'N'Play at a bar. I met Oscar Robertson at a wedding. My wife took care of Joe Pantaliano's dog at her hospital. I shook Tom Araya's hand at an airport. That's been about the extent of it. Except for one shining moment...
About 12 or so years ago, two of my good friends and I took a trip out west to see Las Vegas and Los Angeles. It was a debauched, booze-fueled shit show of a journey that to this day is the source of some of our finest stories. One night, we were standing around outside a bar somewhere in L.A., with a crowd of people wandering about. Being taller than most of the people there, I caught sight of a familiar, somewhat-famous face: Andy Dick. He was a walking trainwreck, bedraggled and clearly intoxicated (though I was no one to judge at that moment), and he was careening through the crowd with another man close on his heels, yelling his name. He crashed into me, his head into my chest, wrapped his arms around me and bellowed, "YOU! See, I've got this guy! This guy! I've got you!"
"Fuck yeah you do," I drunkenly exclaimed.
He spun me around and promptly used me as a human shield, shoving me into his hapless pursuer. The guy, whoever he was, backed off and wandered away. Mr. Dick hugged me again, mumbled, "you're the guy! YOU'RE the guy!" and disappeared in a blurry lurch into the crowd.
It was pretty much my only significant brush with fame. It was also kind of awesome. I was a big "News Radio" fan, and so I found the entire encounter to be fabulously amusing.
Andy Dick hasn't really come far since then, but that's the best thing I could think of to write after watching the trailer for Division III: Football's Finest. It looks like absolute shit, but I figured if you're gonna watch it, at least you should get a good story out of it.
Here's the goddamn trailer:
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