It's Hard To Believe We Need A Place Called Hell
You know what we need? Another demon possession movie. We don't get nearly enough of those. (That rumbling noise you hear is the sound of my eyes rolling).
That aside, I have a few questions for The Rite, the upcoming film directed by Mikael Håfström (1408):
First of all, how is it possible that there hasn't already been a film named The Rite. It's so obvious. Sitting there, ripe for the picking, and no one thought to use it? Clearly people are too busy thinking of overlong, overly-expository titles like The Exorcism of Emily Rose. (Hey, what's that about? The exorcism of some broad named Emily, you dumb fuck. What'd you think it was about, the Canadian moose porn industry?)
Second, is Anthony Hopkins the last distinguished old Brit to star in one of these?
Third, "inspired by a true story." I love that line. It's a glorious catchall designed to con people into thinking it's somehow factual or biographical, when really it's just the loosest of most tenuous connections. I'm directing a movie right now, about chipmunks that mutate into giant tentacled vampiric creatures with cybernetic limbs and bat wings that are fighting French-speaking invisible psychic mermaids who breathe fire and are from Saturn. It's inspired by true events. Hand to God.
Fourth, I'm a little drunk.
Here's the trailer:
Oh, and fifth: Alice Braga. This is a good thing.
(source: Film School Rejects)
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