Pajiba

The Ramen Girl made me want to vomit for a lot of different reasons, not the least of which was that it obviously felt it was allowing the viewer to glimpse upon an incredible insightful movie, but fun and spunky! Like, Lost in Translation meets The Karate Kid! But then you see Brittany Murphy and before you start twitching you can't help but think she does look healthier now that she's slightly less emaciated.

That Without A Paddle... thing has a shot to the groin. And since I'm 12 and a sadist, it got me to chuckle.

I'm gonna go with the one NOT starring Britanny Murphy on account on me wanting to nail her.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks D! It's not bad enough that I've got a head cold swelling my sinuses and compacting my brain. Oh no, you had to dump a grab-bag of suck on the floor and make me root around in it for the half-eaten McNugget of Irony. Well I refuse, sir. The effing Ramen Girl looks like it was written by a guy who's only experience with the Orient was Big Bird Goes to Japan and the Engrish Blog. The only good thing to come out of this experience is that my Happythalimous gland has atrophied thanks for that trailer, and I feel a little less pressure inside my noggin.

Okay. I'm better now.

Dude, there is no way to judge, these are completely divergent forms of suck. It's like judging a one-armed, seizure prone water ballerina's performance to Cher's I Believe (The Ramen Girl) against a redneck with severe acne chest scars doing a "dancing pecs" routine to Doin' the Butt. You can't possibly choose a winner, you can just go into frothing convulsions and possibly die.

New title for this thread:

Would you like to vomit until you break a rib and dislocate your jaw, sobbing and begging for mercy, or would you like to have violent diarrhea for so long you expel your own teeth? Hmmm? Which is it? You have to choose one of those.

I can't watch them, the school blocks almost all video stream files. I'll vote later, but my money's on the Paddle sequel. The best line of it's obviously not as bad predecessor is "What's a downstairs?"

What happened Seth Green? You had so much potential. You gave up Buffy for this. And I know that you may not be taking an Austin Powers sequel, but this you agree to do! That's like Bill Murray dodging the Charlie's Angels sequel's, but taking the Garfield movies!

It's okay, George. There are no Seth Greens used in the WAP sequel.

I think The Ramen Girl might be nice, light, entertaining fluff. The kind of material Brittany Murphy can handle well. Sure, it's a generic film that could have also been about crepes in France or beer in Australia. But not every film needs to be an innovation. I'd probably watch it on some cable network in a couple months like Sister Act II or Poltergeist III. At least it passes the time.

Without A Paddle: The Wettening is atrocious. I think I'm going to throw up.

If you make a shitty movie like Without a Paddle, don't have the shitty sequel trailer start by asking me if I thought the previous movie was "crazy." Look! The British guy likes lotions! Classic.

However, my hate for Brittany Murphy movies forces me to choose the first.

Stupid leaky earplugs, there goes my high end math functions.

it's hard to decide, cause "without a puddle" it's so plain bad, so so so bad it's like a brain dead comatose person, what are you gonna do about it? but that ramen shit is like that episode of the simpson when lisa goes all badass and bart thinks he's now gonna be the genius of the family since she took his role and dresses up goes to school and answer every single question, only he keeps getting them all wrong. it's like the dumb kid that wants to go to yale, I mean you of course wanna punch him but he's so damn sad. and then he becomes president and brings the world to and end. so Ok yeah rame girl is way worse.

I suggest they merge the two together to have the bear from trailer 2 maul BM to death and the three idiots from the same trailer dying of salmonella after eating BM's first batch of soup. Everyones happy.

So Xtreme, we're looking for about a 1:4 here right? Because as far as I'm concerned 1/2 a sausage party is 1/4 too much sausage and 1/8 too little party. Wait.....*gets out fingers*

I gotta say, the WAP trailer sucked like a bucket of leeches. But that's subjectve. Think we can decide this by getting two peeps in a microwave and making them fight to the death?

Jeremy, I love peep-fights! I like to give them little tooth-pick swords and see which one stabs the other first. As a general rule, Peep Chicks usually beat Peep Bunnies, but Peep Chicks that come in Green always beat other Peep chicks. I can't explain it, it's just true.

I don't get you guys. These movies both look AWESOME. I mean, when the Asian woman tells Brittany to try putting tears into her soup, I wanted to offer her the ones I was ALREADY weeping. And that British guy in WAP -- omigosh, all he has to do is say something -- anything -- and I'm cracking UP. Cuz he's British, right? And British people talk funny!

*sigh*

This is supposed to be Brittany Murphy's comeback film? It actually makes me feel kinda sorry for her. She makes some ass-rippingly awful flicks (anyone see "Little Black Book?"), but I still pine for her.

I saw Little Black Book. I kept waiting for the suck to rip a hole in the space/time continuum and throw us all into some alternate dimension where tigers are the dominant life form on the planet and people are kept in zoos where their ability to fingerpaint and play XBox could be marveled at.

Since when has a movie "knowing its place" made it immune from being shitty? Hell, the Movie Movies know their damn place, but does that somehow make them less horrible? Hell no!

I would rather see an attempt at a somewhat interesting idea completely wrecked than a FUCKING HORRIBLE IDEA GIVEN A FUCKING SEQUEL. At least the former was trying to do something, while that latter just proves that not only are there people stupid enough to buy this film, but they are stupid enough to buy the last film too.

For all the bitching and moaning as shit that goes on around here, to actually hear people say they in any way, shape, or form approve that bare attempt at English on film that is Without A Paddle: Nature's Calling is a severe let down.

And I would be just as outraged even if I didn't still desire to ram Brittany Murphy like the fist of an angry god.

Good day to you all. I SAID GOOD DAY!!!!

V, you're going to do what to Brittany Murphy with your fist?

Another peep aside: when I was in college, it was tradition for everyone to bring boxes of peeps to room draw every year (everyone gets a lottery number, you can pick the room you get next year and pull a roommate with you if you picked a double, or a person into another single if you picked a single). Every time someone picked a room, everyone threw peeps. Thousands and thousands of peeps carpeting the floor. It sounds like the kind of thing British boarding students would do except they'd have a name for it like "peep-a-doo" and it would somehow seem classier whilst involving spanking and sodomy.

I went with "The Ramen Girl," because it has delusions of adequacy. The other one is just unabashed and unashamed crap. I will say, however, that "man-cation" made the decision much harder than it might have been otherwise.

Everyone keeps siting Britney Murphy as being in good movies like Clueless and Drop Dead Gorgeous and bad movies like Little Black Book - the difference is she's not the lead in the good movies - she just can't carry a film and I don't know why they keep letting her try - oh yeah, she married the gross old guy, right.
Plus, if Kung Fu Panda taught us anything, it is that there is no secret ingredient - Geesh!

admin, the ratios can be tricky. I think there's some algebraic math involved. For example, if there is only one male at the party (x), then the ratio of women (y) should be 3. If (x) is equal to 2, then (y) needs to be 5, but if (x) is 3, then (y) needs to be either 7 or 9, but never 8. However, if (x) was 4, then (y) can be 8, but only if divided evenly between (x1), (x2), (x3) and (x4). In no other circumstance can (y) be an even number, because (x) could then get stuck in a non-participatory role with pairings of (y1+y2) etc.

Does that clarify things?

Figgy literally took the words right out of my mouth/fingers

my two cents AAARGH MY BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIN IT HUUUUUURTS!!!

Fuck the "Ramen Girl".

Just watch "Tempopo" already and see a really good soup movie...

Fuck my goddamn computer!!!!!

Unlike the trailer for Lesbian Vampire Killers', I have never been more glad not to have sound on my computer.

I would like to say however, that as bad as both of these movies sound from reading the comments, let's not forget that someone sad down and wrote the script. And then gave it to someone else to read and they said 'AWESOME! I LOVE IT! LET'S MAKE A MOVIE!'. And more and more people got involved and no one seems to have said 'Jesus Christ what the fuck happened here? What the hell are we all doing?'

As much as that brittany murphy thing makes my eyeballs hurt, the whole Without a Paddle trailer made me actually want to go out and go into my neighbors house and kick her newborn.

"Is Oodles of Noodles the catalyst to our nation's frat-party date rape problem?"

"Problem"?

The "problem" is, you want to fuck your date but your date doesn't willingly want to fuck you.

Solution:

Roofies + rape = win/win

So, Ramen Girl = Karate Kid Pt 3 + The Last Samurai.

WAP = Deliverance + American Pie.

Tough call. I'd have to give the Suck Trophy to the Noodle Show though, because at least WAP (incidentally - that's the sound made when hit in the groin with a paddle) allows for mockery and perhaps that's the entire point.
On the other hand, The Noodle Shit Show had a waving CG Hello Kitty Zombie Thing. That's the movie I want to see.

I hate Ramen. I hate that movie. I hate her tears and I hate that waving cat. How can "Without a Paddle" be sucking less right now? Ramen girl so desperately wants to be good. And so the suck is amplified by her EPIC FAIL.

So I'm at work and can't really watch the videos, but piecing it together from the comments, it sounds like Brittany Murphy flies to Japan on a quest to make her Ramen taste better, and the twist ending is that the movie would have been 30 seconds long had she owned a salt shaker?

Oh M. Night, you have met your match.

Thank you, Rowles, for that virtual kick in the testicles. I am nauseous, sweaty, a little gassy, and dizzy.

As said before, there is no comparison. I will always give a little slack to someone who knows they are just doing what they are doing for the quick dollar. Not that Without a Paddle brought in the big money, but it's direct to DVD. They know it sucks and the Walmart zombies will pick it up as an impulse buy with their Dick Cheney commemorative bullet set and some Ann Coulter womenswear. The Ramen Girl has delusions of grandeur that sicken me. I wouldn't let that girl make me a packet of Top Ramen. When the Cat waved, I thought the guy was going to throw it in the broth.

PissBoy, at least they said put tears in the broth and not go all Tyler Durden on them. That would be a better movie though. Murphy squatting over a pot of noodles....hmmmm....

Either way, a heaping bowl of suck.

Man. "Ramen Girl" made me hungry as hell. Do I want Beef Ramen or Shrimp Ramen?

I'm serious, though. I think "Ramen Girl" might be the "Mostly Marta" for the poverty set.

Clearly people are watching the wrong trailers, because Ramen Girl IS STILL TRAILING WITH ONLY 38% OF THE VOTE!!! That trailer was literally nauseatingly melodramatic. I paused it just when the cat waved and watched the entirety of the other trailer before going back to finish watching it because I just. couldn't. take. anymore. fucking. sap.

"YE-AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

You know what sucks most? I suck the most. I just realized that I came very close to being the Ramen girl. Years ago, I found a restaurant with such good soup that I wanted to convince them to hire me so I could learn their soup secret. HOLY GODTOPUS, I am so suddenly filled with self-disgust that I want to inject shoyu into my eyeballs!
Due to extreme shame, I voted for the Can-O-Beef that is the Without A Paddle DVD.

I think Ramen Girl is an attempt to explain the movie Tampopo to American audiences by a director that thinks he's the only one who's ever seen it. Uh...also, someone said Ramen has a bazillion grams of sodium: that's only the stuff YOU buy at the store, jack.

I'm really, really sorry to confess that I actually chuckled when Murphy high-fived the kooky Asian dude. Only because it's a lame gag that I knew was happening, but still - I felt a bit dirty afterwards.

I voted for Up Shit Creek though; that wood joke was the worst thing to happen to 2009 so far, for me.