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The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year Gets The Most Wonderful Trailer Ever

By TK | Trailers | September 6, 2012 | Comments ()


POLEchristmasstory06.jpeg

Suck on this, you assholes:

hristmas-story-2.jpg

You know what? I'm not even watching this goddamn trailer. Because fuck them. And fuck you. A direct to video sequel to A Christmas Story? Are you shitting me?

Here's the synopsis, because I hate you.

Years after realizing his childhood dream of getting a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, 16-year-old Ralphie (Braeden Lemasters) sets his bespectacled sights on a gift of the four-wheeled variety in this belated sequel to the Bob Clark's beloved 1983 classic A Christmas Story. As the snow begins to fall and the carolers start to sing, Ralphie dreams of waking up on Christmas morning to find the keys to a 1938 Hupmobile Skyline Convertible dangling from the tree, and embracing a whole new world of freedom as he cruises the streets of Hohman, Indiana in style. Home Alone alumni Daniel Stern takes over for the late Darren McGavin as The Old Man, with Stacey Travis, David Buehrle, David W. Thompson, and Valin Shinyei sounding out the supporting cast as Mrs. Parker, Schwartz, Flick, and Randy respectively.

Here's the trailer, because I fucking despise you:



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Is Ralphie Directing it? Evenif so, not watching this- I am gonna head over to Puddin's house and blame Schwartz.

  • luckypete

    I began watching the trailer out of something similar to fascination with a horrific event, but I couldn't even make it through the whole thing.

  • Quatermain

    That trailer is worse than Dustin's skull-fucking cell-phone PSA.

  • bleujayone

    *flicks on the "Truth in Advertising" switch...

    plays trailer......

    "It's the most beloved Christmas movie of all time....and THIS holiday season, we at Warner Brothers trapped it in a corner, tore its clothes off, rolled it in flour on the floor, found the clenched wet spot and then took turns violating it just in time a for direct-to-video release!

    That's right, we went NAMBLA one of your childhood traditions, just for the hope that some of you damn fools will fork over a couple of sheckles. Oh sure, we could have released another ultra collector's restored version of the one you all know and love....but we just adore hearing the collective anguished cry of millions of grown children. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    Stay tuned in March as we next release a direct-to-video musical sequel of The Iron Giant with an all new voice cast, a story compiled of Mad-Libs and animation done on the cheap at a Korean production house. JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER!!! *KICKS PUPPY, STOMPS BUNNY."

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I wanted to kill myself after 10 seconds. And I never even watched the original.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    Of course I didn't watch the trailer, what kind of madness would it be to do so? As previously mentioned, this isn't the first finger to enter into the Christmas Story pie but at least none of previous efforts have the ball-temerity to label their efforts as 'official'. I'm pretty sure that at some point Flick went back to the Noel Well in porno form and since I don't want open myself up to the semen deluge that would result from me looking up its title, I'll have to defer to the illustrious 'pornistes' in order to find out if In Rod We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, or something equally unsavoury setting that bandies about notions of jingling in a most indiscreet manner is so damaging as shooting one's own eye out with whatever ammunition or genetic material happens to be on hand is less tacky than a 30 years past due sequel. I'll bet it's not.

    And so you must hear this, Holiday Daleks: If the promise of an original, nineteenth-string cast member couldn't drag me into the lurid thrall of an update with what what I assume are showcases of beaver fur caps (I do live but an hour and a half away from The Hudson's Bay Company and winter's coming, so play safe if you're going to play lurid) and testicular tintinnabulation--POST-WAR testes, at that-- there's no way that these franchise talons will twine their grip around my pittance.
    .
    This is all twisting my melon, man.

  • they already did a sequel called "it runs in the family". this is a total fail

  • Rubble44

    I don't think this is going to be played 24 hours in a row on any TV channel...unless hell got cable recently.

  • God, TK, I knew you hated us, but this? This is just fucking cruel.

  • TK

    [nodding happily]

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Don't worry. If you don't want to watch the sequel, you can catch A Christmas Story The Musical live on stage in NYC this winter.

    http://achristmasstorythemusic...

    There, doesn't that make you feel better?

  • Puddin

    I would rather watch Schwartz's pornos.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I am going to pretend I didn't just read that. And I am certainly not watching the trailer.
    **closes eyes, plugs ears.... lalalalalalalalalalala!!!**

  • Carlito

    "A direct to video sequel to A Christmas Story? Are you shitting me?"

    As horrible and ill-conceived as this "movie" appears to be, I can't muster any anger for these things anymore. These terrible sequels (especially the direct to video variety) are forgotten about extremely quickly, and that's if they're even known about at all. Studios have been making shit like this for years.

    Impromptu SRL of movies that have a sequel (or more) that few people know about and have no influence on the enjoyment/quality/legacy of the originals:
    The Birds
    American Psycho
    Lawrence of Arabia
    Roadhouse
    Midnight Run
    The Sandlot
    The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    Gone with the Wind

  • Fabius_Maximus

    American Psycho 2 with Mila Kunis and the Shat, right? I don't know, but that sounds awesome. And bad. But also awesome.

  • gp

    hooray! i made it 16 seconds through the trailer. DID I WIN?

  • TK

    You lost, gp.

    We all did.

  • Guest

    Weeps.

  • BlackRabbit

    Meh. I didn't much care for the original film, thought it was a sugary piece of nothing. So sequal? Looks pretty unremarkable.

  • mrcreosote

    So, this is raping your grandpa's childhood?
    I think the kid who ended up in porn is still happier about that then this monstrosity.

  • Has there ever been a less wished for sequel than this?

  • Stacey

    WHAT THE FUCK.

  • BL

    hahahaha

  • Ley

    I hate this too. We all hate this. It's an early fucking Christmas miracle.

  • tracey

    this is insane.

  • voodoo_gremlin

    I hate to be the barrer of bad news but this is in fact the THIRD sequal to the original movie.
    Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt00... & 'Runs in the Family' (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt01... Sooooo...you're childhood memories were raped long before this I guess....

  • TK

    No, but see, this is the OFFICIAL sequel! That means it'll be awesome because everyone should just kill themselves and I hate the universe,

  • simplysarah

    I thought there was already a sequel to the Christmas Story? I remember watching it once, the dad fried up one of Randy's pet fish.
    Just googled, there was. It was called "It runs in the family, my summer story" and it follows up with the family as set in the original author's book.

  • simplysarah

    and that Christmas Story 2 looks horrible. I got 27 seconds into the trailer, I just couldn't watch anymore.

  • sherlockzz

    You've got to be freakin' kidding me. This looks beyond awful. It's like that kid from the Twilight Zone whose wishes all came true decided to wish this on us out of pure cruelty.

  • southworth

    Ralphie gets his tongue stuck in his girlfriend's vagina during his first sexual experience, kills a toddler in a crosswalk with his new car, then gets his ass washed out with soap in prison.

    Plus: The Leg Lamp is back, baby!

  • L.O.V.E.

    My childhood has just been taken to the broom closet at the back of the rectory.
    Repressed memories ... glass of wine ... akward tickle fight ...
    ... repeat after me: this never happened ...

  • BWeaves

    hehehehehhe, you said rectory. Yes, I'm still 8 years old in my head.

  • Forbiddendonut

    Poor Daniel Stern. I have always had a weak spot for all the Cutters in "Breaking Away" for some reason. Hate to see them fall on such hard times.

  • Magiel

    I Love you too TJ :-)

  • Snath

    This fills me with so much rage that I can't even form a coherent complaint.

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