The Loss of a Teardop Diamond Trailer

People Don't Always Shiva Because They Chilly

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (33)

Before we get on to the trailer below, a small announcement: I’ve gotten somewhere in the vicinity of 321 emails letting me know that our RSS feed isn’t working in Google Reader. I apologize for that, folks. Truth is: I don’t know why. The same RSS feed works in other feed readers, just not in Google, which leads me to believe that Google Reader is the problem. However, for those of you who do follow us on Google Reader, you can use this feed, which works just dandy. And I apologize again for that inconvenience.

Now: Here’s the trailer for The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond, a movie that appears to have been sitting on a shelf for a couple of years, which is finally due for release at the end of December. Thirty seconds into the trailer, you’ll probably understand why it’s been sitting on a shelf. Despite the fact that it stars Bryce Dallas Howard and Ellen Burstyn (in addition to Chris Evans), and is based on a Tennessee Williams screenplay, it looks like one of the worst-acted, over-earnest, hamfisted films ever to grace the Silver Screen. It is laughable, folks — terrible accents, bad acting, horrendous voiceover trailer narration, bad score, and a preposterous plot line.

That said, it’s kind of fun to watch and just bathe in its suck, particularly the way in which the big swelling dramatic music highlights the fact that nothing is really happening at all. It’s kind of surreal:

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Comments

This makes me wish I had audio. I do loves me some suck, and I enjoy watching crappy trailers too.

Posted by: , at November 30, 2009 11:40 AM

Whoo boy. You sure that wasn't written by Tennessee Wilkins, the playwright's cousin? Wilkins, said to be the better writer when both were children, was kicked in the head by a horse at 14 and was never quite right after that. I have to believe this was written by someone suffering from a debilitating brain injury.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 30, 2009 11:49 AM

Oh darn you're right, it doesn't work on Google reader...Oh well, I'm on hear often enough that I don't really need it anyway.

Also, this looks like shit.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 30, 2009 11:56 AM

Not everything Tennessee Williams wrote was golden. For example, if you ever get the chance, check out Boom.

So very, very laugh-out-loud bad.

Posted by: Drake at November 30, 2009 11:58 AM

Is that actually a movie, or just a bunch of people standing around doing stupid accents?

Also, a question: what is the appropriate attire for suck bathing? Modest trunks, birthday suit, or so I have to break out the butt floss?

Posted by: admin at November 30, 2009 12:16 PM

I use Google Reader and it's working fine.

Posted by: zito at November 30, 2009 12:41 PM

Admin: When in doubt go for the banana hammock. It is always a crowd pleaser.

Was it really necessary to list Tennessee Williams' entire resume at the beginning of this thing? I mean, How about 'By Tennessee Williams'...moving on.. Because if you don't know who that is by name recognition alone,
1) You will not be interested in seeing this movie anyway
2) You are too unedumacated to recognize any of those works, so why beat us over the head with it?

There is sometimes a reason writers 'lose' stuff.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 30, 2009 1:03 PM

Other titles by Tennessee 'Divot head' Wilkins

Cat on a Hot Plate
A Streetcar Named the #42
The Glass Laundry Basket
The Night of the Box Turtle

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 30, 2009 1:09 PM

Cat on a Hot Plate
A Streetcar Named the #42
The Glass Laundry Basket
The Night of the Box Turtle

LindsEy, I nominate this comment for EE. (Not that anybody cares what I nominate.) Night of the Box Turtle! Genius!! I'd watch that. Actually, I'd rather watch Night of the Snapping Turtle. As a horror movie. Where people's extremities get snapped off.

Posted by: MM at November 30, 2009 1:36 PM

Shiva the destroyer? People Shiva because s/he decides to show up - aspect of creation, major deity, avatar of Vishnu and all that.

Or sometimes they Shiva after 3 hits of E and a couple hours of electo-trance music, but that's another thing.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 30, 2009 2:03 PM

MM:
Aww thanks.
I agree, Night of the Snapping Turtle would be exciting. But ol' Divot Head Wilkins didn't write in the action/adventure/horror genre. His major themes included:
Things I found in my nose.
Peanut butter is good!
Oh look, a chipmunk!
Is it time for my medicatioooonnzzzz...

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 30, 2009 2:14 PM

What a minute. Chris Evans? Like...the guy that was in Push?
*headdesk*
At least I thought the southern accents were better than they were in Cold Mountain, or "True Blood" for that matter.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at November 30, 2009 2:16 PM

Hey, Fun Fact:
Tennessee Williams died by choking to death on the cap to an eyedropper bottle. He had a habit of holding the cap in his teeth while he tossed back his head to put in the drops. Slippery little bugger went right down the gullet one day.
How is that for a stupid way to die? Death by Visine. I always knew that shit was dangerous.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 30, 2009 2:17 PM

Oh look, a chipmunk!

SQUIRREL!

Posted by: MM at November 30, 2009 2:18 PM

That was so bad it was like it was made to be a fake trailer. Like one at the beginning of Tropic Thunder.

Posted by: wsapnin at November 30, 2009 2:37 PM

@wsapnin: i had the same idea! LOL

Posted by: carrie at November 30, 2009 3:53 PM

That looked like an old SCTV skit.
Also, I gotta say, dude at :58 sure has got himself a big sack!

Posted by: Odnon at November 30, 2009 5:00 PM

No Dragonheart theme? For shame!

Posted by: Pryce at November 30, 2009 5:38 PM

FWIW, Google Reader stopped working for me on 11/12. Feedburner has been solid though.

Posted by: faze at November 30, 2009 6:17 PM

It's pretty boring, and despite that it would have been served better by being longer. [what?] And Chris Evans, dramatic actor, is kind of unconvincing. It's like he took dramatic acting lessons from the "Orlando Bloom in 'Kingdom of Heaven'" Acting School and then cranked it up to... 2.

They also have a part near the end where the director suddenly decides the movie is a stage play.

Posted by: arrrghzi at November 30, 2009 6:47 PM

Willikers, that's shit.

"I think you can do better than me."
"You're the only one I want."
*hand grab*
*passionless locked gaze in front of fake-looking background*

I'm blaming this release on the Twilight phenomenon. And Ron Howard.

Posted by: LB at November 30, 2009 7:03 PM

Other titles by Tennessee 'Divot head' Wilkins

Cat on a Hot Plate
A Streetcar Named the #42
The Glass Laundry Basket
The Night of the Box Turtle

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 30, 2009 1:09 PM
---
Was West Virginia Williams who wrote "The Ass Menagery" (he couldn't spell so good, of course). And Tennessee Ernie Ford who had a hit with "Sixteen Tons." And Tennessee Tuxedo who had a sidekick named Chumley.

Posted by: , at November 30, 2009 8:00 PM

I have been saying this since she burst onto the scene: Bryce Dallas Howard is not a good actress.

Posted by: samantha t at November 30, 2009 9:00 PM

I love that LB said "Willikers".

Posted by: figgy at November 30, 2009 10:04 PM

I use google reader and have this address for my feed -- http://www.pajiba.com/index.xml -- working just fine.

Posted by: NSABW at November 30, 2009 10:22 PM

stopped the trailer at 0:48 ... how do these things get made! I could at least stomach the JCVD trailer!

Posted by: Mercer at December 1, 2009 6:35 AM

Yeah, I'm wondering if her great performance in 'The Village' was just some sort of fluke, because since then BDH has shown herself to be, at best, a mediocre actress. So pretty, though...

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People Don't Always Shiva Because They Chilly

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