Pajiba

Well that trailer looks unrelentingly horrible...

I actually think Park is doing a pretty good job on Heroes this season. Fuck, I didn't even know it was him until I bothered to look it up. I kept thinking it was someone else.

Maggie Q's career is less than stellar because she's in the wrong genre of movie. Martial arts? Big-budget action? Dan Fogler comedies? Feh.

Where she would truly shine is in the "erotic thriller" genre, co-starring me. And the "erotic drama" genre, co-starring me. And the "erotic workplace comedy," co-starring me. And Rainn Wilson, because that guy's hilarious. Though not terribly erotic.

Say what you want about the guy in the photo, I don't have two hot chicks hanging off me. Not that the moment anyway.

I don't know what bores me more, the 500 comic book movies or the 500 video game movies that come out each year. You guys who watch that mindsplat, you all owe Twihards a huge apology.

I think the only fighting-game-turned-moviefilm I've ever seen is Mortal Kombat. That movie holds a special place in my heart, both for being ridiculously awesome (and bad), and for having my favorite movie soundtrack. It's so much better than The Crow.

Actually, I think I'd buy the soundtrack again only for "Halcyon + On + On," because it's my favorite song. For sheezy.

I don't know what bores me more, the 500 comic book movies or the 500 video game movies that come out each year. You guys who watch that mindsplat, you all owe Twihards a huge apology.

Posted by: , at November 30, 2009 10:39 AM
-------

I tend to agree with you about the usual quality of those movies, but I think for different reasons. There's nothing wrong with the source material. Most video games and movies are no worse that way than most books. The problem is the process used to pick them and make them into movies.

Take video games. There are video games out there with great stories and/or great worlds in which to tell stories. Now... games themselves have to do something different from books and movies. They have to give the person with the controller or keyboard some agency. But if you strip out the things required for that and just tell a straight story..... Well, most of what Bioware puts out has as good a story as the top 5% of Hollywood fantasy movies. Some of the big Nintendo franchises (notably Zelda and Metroid) have a lot of meat on their bones. But those games don't make enough money or have as much mainstream name recognition as others.

Everyone knows who Mario is. So they make a Mario Bros movie.... even though the Mario games are not remotely about narrative and have almost no narrative structure. They are just games. That's like making "Wheel of Fortune: The Movie" when you have dozens of actual story-driven scripts on your desk. This is the same thinking that tries to make "Battleship" and "Monopoly" movies.

If they wanted to actually make movies that people could enjoy, they would look at the games themselves for those with narrative. Team Ico has made some beautiful, atmospheric games. Google up the trailers for "The Last Guardian" or "Shadow of the Colossus." Not only are they great games, but they do a better job of trailers than Hollywood does. They give you a taste of the game and some atmosphere without spoiling anything of the plot.

The problem is that Hollywood does not trust their audience, and they do not trust their source material. Instead of focusing on what is there that is good, they gin up the gimmicky aspects. When they look at a game they see two things: 1) "That game made a bunch of money;" and 2) "That will look great as a visual effect." They do not see "that could tell a great story on screen."

The same applies somewhat to comic book movies, but the audience is a problem there, too. If you change it enough to make a good movie out of it, the geek brigade will burn you in effigy and actively try to prevent people from going to your movie, so you have to play an asinine appeasement game. Rather than make a good movie from the available source material, you are forced to become a slave to some aspects of the source material.

I think it's great that videogame fighting movies are back. And what's even better about these movies is that they don't give a damn if it's any good and they don't care if it makes money. That's what art is, the value is in doing it, not in people liking it or being willing to give their money for it.

"Needs More Jet Li, Less Crappiness" So much truth. Perfect title.

It looks even worse than those really bad, special effects laden, Hong Kong "martial arts" movies starring pop-stars. And it looks so cheap, like a made-for-tv movie that would play on SciFi.

But it's got lightning shields and arms on fire so I'll probably see it.

Gordan Chan should just get together with Jet Li, make Fist of Legend again, only update it with lightning and fire bolts.

So Ray Park cant act unless he's whispering his lines in a deadly hiss while painted up to look like AN ACTUAL DEMON.
But having watching the man kick EVERYBODIES ASS IN THE ROOM I will not be telling to his face that he can not act.
I'll leave that up to y'all and will steal from your destroyed corpses once he's sated and sleeping

Ray Park is so not-an-actor that they had Peter Serafinowicz (awesome) re-do his Darth Maul dialogue.

It was kind of neat.

What's this movie about? I couldn't tell from the trailer. At all.

Holy hell, that's some stupendously bad writing--"They live among us, living normal lives"? Redundant much?

All I got from the trailer was that these dudes had some technology that took them to another dimension, and all that dimension contains is a single abandoned warehouse in which they fight. Seriously, people, market that astonishing technology and you could buy whole cities of warehouses in which to kick ass--in style. With cool weapons instead of garbage cans.

Who travels to another dimension and decides to hang out in the grimiest, most boring section of town and get their ribs pummeled? I'd be looking for otherworldly gadgets to sell, or hanging with my alternate-dimension self, or seeing if they'd invented holodecks yet.