The Good, The Bad, And The WTF, Seriously?! (Trailers For Intruders, Dark Tide, And Pizza Man)
Intruders will be in limited release starting March 30, 2012.
Dark Tide sees Halle Berry returning to her pre-Oscar roots, by once again starring in a movie that looks to showcase her incredible body rather than her acting talent. The trailer doesn't capitalize on this as much as the film's poster, but the narration clearly states "Oscar winner Halle Berry" in a shot that is almost entirely focused on her breasts. Classy. To be fair, this is directed by John Stockwell who excels at making silly but entertaining movies that take place primarily in the ocean. Nonetheless, drowning looks like more fun.
Dark Tide will be released on VOD next month, and possibly appear in theaters somewhere later this year.
At last we come to Pizza Man, a movie that looks and sounds like the worst Funny or Die, or College Humor, parody trailer ever. But it's real and it stars former "Malcolm in the Middle" lead Frankie Muniz as the titular pie-based super hero. To make matters, the dough-faced, ex-wrestler Diamond Dallas Page co-stars as the main villain, whose name is... The Big Cheese. Yes, really. Two of my favorite 1980s sitcom alums also appear, Michael Gross and Shelley Long, respectively. But that's more depressing than it is a sign of nascent quality. The trailer tries to strike a balance between Super and Kick-Ass, and fails unspectacularly.
Pizza Man was shot in 2010 but currently has no concrete release date, expect it some time in late 2012/early 2013. Or else it's free?
Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his ware can be purchased here (if you're into that sort of thing). He's not at all surprised that none of the kids from "Malcolm in the Middle" have landed on their feet since it ended, the parents were the only reason to watch that show past season one.