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Survey Says: Retarrible!

Running Man Meets Doom / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | March 25, 2009 | Comments (19)

Y’all remember Richard Dawson, right? Long-time host of “The Family Feud,” replaced by Ray Combs, then replaces Ray Combs after Ray Combs offs himself and offered slimy, skeevy kisses to dolled-up women angling to share a little loot with their family for SURVEY SAYS: BACON. Dawson doesn’t have a lot to do with this post, but I was reminded of him while watching the Italian trailer for Gerard Butler’s Game. Dawson was the host in The Running Man, which featured criminals running for their lives in elaborate obstacle courses where death was the most likely result.

The Game is kind of like that, only the criminals in the obstacle course are controlled by other humans in a huge, elaborate multi-player videogame, where instead of manipulating the little guy in DOOM, you’re manipulating a real person — a convicted criminal — and you can use him to kill other people. In the movie, this multiplayer game, called Slayers, was designed by a character played by Michael C. Hall. Gerard Butler plays a criminal trying to regain his independence from the game. Alison Lohman figures into the movie somehow.

Did I mention it all looks shitballs retarded? No? I should probably mention that, then.

The Game looks shitballs retarded.

Fortunately, it’s so insanely idiotic that it really doesn’t matter that the trailer is in Italian. I should also mention that it’s directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who were responsible for writing and directing Crank. And because of that, I won’t completely dismiss the movie based on the trailer, although if you watch it too many times, you have an epileptic seizure. What I’m saying is: Bite on something if you’re going to watch it more than once. I’ll also give them points for making the movie look so similar to a video game, but then again, if I wanted to watch a video game, I’d hang out all day at Best Buy.

Here’s the trailer.



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Comments

oooh, shiny.

I'll see it, if only for the Butler. God damn that man melts my butter.

Posted by: tncunnin at March 25, 2009 8:52 PM

I'm sorry. I was too distracted by that photo and nothing else registered.

Posted by: figgy at March 25, 2009 9:17 PM

I've been waiting for the announcement that someone was remaking The Running Man. But anyway, I think I'll skip this trailer based on your comments.

Posted by: Cindy at March 25, 2009 9:28 PM

Anyone know who did that cover of Sweet Dreams?

Posted by: ariadne at March 25, 2009 9:31 PM

Sweet Dreams cover was done by Marilyn Manson.

Okay. Maybe I've dropped a few I.Q. points, or maybe the 'roids are kicking in, but I actually thought this trailer looked quite entertaining.

I'm not sure what that would have to do with my haemeroids, but whatever. I'd watch this (...DVD).

Posted by: Bane at March 25, 2009 9:43 PM

i'll watch watch it as many times as i want!

you know why?!?!!?

it's no longer available.

way to go, dustin.

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at March 25, 2009 10:27 PM

Our dreams keep being stolen away :(

Posted by: figgy at March 25, 2009 10:31 PM

I thought I spotted Michael C. Hall in that trailer... Interesting cast. Crank was interesting. I haven't decided about good, but definitely interesting. I'd be interested to see what else these guys have to say.

Posted by: Eep at March 25, 2009 10:35 PM

After 300 I thought Butler would become the next great action star. But is doing romantic comedies. I keep hoping that Stallone will fit him in the sure to be craptastic The Expendables.

Posted by: Coltaine at March 25, 2009 10:42 PM

But there was .5 seconds of popin & lockin. That equals 1.5 hours of awesome.

Posted by: admin at March 25, 2009 11:38 PM

I might have been able to get into it, but it suffered from a distinct lack of The Statham.

Posted by: TK at March 26, 2009 12:02 AM

then replaces Ray Combs after Ray Combs offs himself

Could you BE more insensitive?

The proper term is "passed himself away."

Duh.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 26, 2009 12:41 AM

ug. This dates me, but I will never understand how even one Marilyn Manson album got sold. They don't actually listen to that stuff do they? I get the fun of purple hair and essentially wearing a 'danger' sign in the form of fashion but...oops...I've fallen...

Posted by: replica at March 26, 2009 2:13 AM

So Butler hasn't yet amassed enough cred that he's stuck doing these dogshitters to get by?

Posted by: Rykker at March 26, 2009 8:23 AM

That's fairly disappointing. I too, was hoping for a Running Man remake. With the Rock. How perfect would that be? I mean, if you're gonna mangle the original story, you should do it right.

This looks very meh-able. Pass.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 26, 2009 9:07 AM

Dammit, replica, you forgot your Medic Alert bracelet! How many times have I told you??? The paramedics aren't gonna know you've got the diabetes and then...did you finish filling out the life insurance paperwork???

Wilford and Ed are gonna be so pissed!!


(alright, alright, I'm having to assume you get American commercials up there, but fuck it, I'm building it anyway)

I'm glad that Marilyn provided the opportunity for Jason Mewes to do his own a cappella version of the "Beautiful People" video, but other than that I haven't had any use for him (see also: James Taylor's one good deed in writing "Steamroller Blues" so Presley and Burton could play it). "Singers get pussy" huh?

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2009 9:40 AM

So, Dexter's writing video games now?

Posted by: BWeaves at March 26, 2009 10:47 AM

I give you earth and water.

Posted by: Pookie at March 26, 2009 11:05 AM

I love me some Alison Lohman. The end of Matchstick Men made me feel so much better about myself.

Posted by: Rudy at March 26, 2009 11:01 PM