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The Expendables Trailer | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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The Expendables Trailer / TK

Trailers | October 14, 2009 | Comments (40)

Sweet facehumping Yahweh on a goddamn unicycle.

Here is the trailer for Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables. Yes, Stallone directed it, just like he directed every Rocky movie except for the first one. It is, in no uncertain terms, the dumbest and awesomest looking movie of 2010. It is shitballs retarded. I plan on heavily mocking it and snickering over its stupidity. Also? I want to take it to a nice steak dinner and then hump it by the dumpsters behind the restaurant. It’s got a checklist of every movie tough guy you can think of — Stallone, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, THE STATHAM, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Terry Crews, Dolph Motherfucking Lundgren, Danny Trejo, Bruce Willis and so on.

Watch it an revel in its kaboomy kablooieness (now with updated working trailer!).

Glorious, no? The plot — ah, fuck a bunch of plot. It’s got shirtless Statham, a Lundgren-Li fight scene, Charisma Carpenter, more things going ‘asplodey than you can shake a stick at, and Stallone in perma-sneer.

I know in my heart that this will be big and stupid. In fact, I want it to be. I’m counting on it.


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Comments

Dead link. I'm weeping in my Cheerios.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at October 14, 2009 11:02 AM

You tease! What country are you in that's letting you see this?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 14, 2009 11:06 AM

Plus let's not overlook Angel Batista as the big, bad stereotypical dictator. This is going to be fantastic.

Posted by: Steve at October 14, 2009 11:07 AM

Though along those lines, what corporate idiots in the movie biz throw a copyright blanket over a fewkin' trailer? You link to it, other sites link to you, pretty soon it goes viral and they get a cartload of free marketing but nooooo... some shellacked suit with a legal degree stuck up his ass gets wood every time he writes "Cease and Desist".

Borons.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at October 14, 2009 11:08 AM

It's because I'm Canadian, isn't it.

Posted by: admin at October 14, 2009 11:14 AM

Damn lawyers, hatin' on the interweb.

But...Dolph Lundgren!? For him alone, I'm there.

I defy anyone to *not* love an ass-kicking martial arts champion who also has a masters degree in chemical engineering and was the team lead for the U.S. Olympic pentathlon team.

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 14, 2009 11:23 AM

I hate you I hate you I hate you!

I wanna see the trailer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: MM at October 14, 2009 11:25 AM

Fuck you and your copyright restrictions, YouTube and Canada!

Posted by: Sean at October 14, 2009 11:26 AM

Working trailer: Here

It looks like pure garbage. Delicious, down-the-hatch, can't wait to see it garbage.

Posted by: Colin at October 14, 2009 11:32 AM

Motherfuck!

Someone find a new video and email me the embed and I'll fix it (I can't view streaming video at work).

tk@pajiba.com

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2009 11:32 AM

TK - sent the embed.

Posted by: Colin at October 14, 2009 11:34 AM

Outstanding. Trailer fixed, courtesy of Colin.

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2009 11:34 AM

Wow. . . lots of explosions, and a whole cornucopia of impenetrable accents.

And sweaty pit Statham. I'm in!

Posted by: MM at October 14, 2009 11:39 AM

I'm not American enough for this trailer. It won't let me watch it. I don't really need to see it though. That cast almost reads like a who's who of my wet dreams. There is enough testosterone in there to kill a bull. I will see it.

Posted by: Eyvi at October 14, 2009 11:39 AM

Sweet exploding towers of dubious quality! This looks absolutely glorious and I MUST see it.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 14, 2009 11:44 AM

I should learn to refresh before I go commenting.

That was fantastic.

Posted by: Eyvi at October 14, 2009 11:46 AM

This is like a wonderful middle finger to every teenage emo vampire movie.

Hear the Governor of California's got a bit part in it too. As if we even had to ask.

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 14, 2009 11:47 AM

The Statham in a beret? Yes please.

Posted by: jM at October 14, 2009 11:48 AM

I came.

Now that Cabin in the Woods has been pushed back to 2011, this is my most anticipated movie for next year.

Posted by: Jerce at October 14, 2009 11:53 AM

Is the trailer supposed to be only 4 seconds? I'm in the US and it no workee for me.

Posted by: bibliophile at October 14, 2009 11:58 AM

the link only plays the 4 second word from our sponsor.

Posted by: androstarr at October 14, 2009 12:17 PM

Aaaaaand it's gone again. I'ma gonna go get my the MurderMoosePooCannon and shoot somebody.

Posted by: admin at October 14, 2009 12:23 PM

Fucking motherfucking motherfuckers.

Sorry, guys.

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2009 12:26 PM

And to think that Stallone approached Van Damme about being in this, and JVCD turned it down because Stallone couldn't provide enough information about his potential character. He would've rounded out the cast nicely (more than Stallone's face rounds it out already).

Posted by: branded at October 14, 2009 12:29 PM

*JCVD

Your world of acronyms frightens and confuses me!

Posted by: branded at October 14, 2009 12:39 PM

Re Branded's comment...and Steven Segal refuses a part because he didn't like the director? Jeeze...you'd think he'd be willing to put that aside to be in a movie that's actually going to be shown in theaters.

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 14, 2009 12:48 PM

I love Eric Roberts. Ashamed? Not quite. I have seen more than anyone's fair share of ER movies. Even the one on Lifetime with Anne Heche.

Posted by: Goddess at October 14, 2009 1:06 PM

Dammit, video is down again. Any other links?

Posted by: WampaLord at October 14, 2009 1:55 PM

The trailer is so full of testosterone it's shorting out servers!

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 14, 2009 1:57 PM

WHAT DID HE SAY?!?

He said we're gonna die with an accent!

Oh, I love this trailer! I love this trailer so much, I want to take it home and I will love it and pet it and hug it and name it "George".

Sweet testosterone, welcome back - and FUCK all the Twilight freaks! This movie will shatter their innocent notions of "action" and "brotherly love" and melt their faces with its explosions!

Ok, I'm calm now...

Posted by: malikvlc at October 14, 2009 2:16 PM

Goddess >> Have you ever seen By The Sword? It rocks. Not only does it have Eric Roberts, but it has F. Murray Abraham too.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 14, 2009 3:32 PM

Jacktrade >> But do you know what got Dolph into the pentathlon world? He starred in the little-seen Pentathlon a couple years earlier. I once saw Dolph at a U.S. Pentathlon party. (I know the guy who was the basis for Dolph's movie role.) He's 6'5", but he wasn't quite as big as I had imagined after seeing him tower over Stallone in Rocky IV - probably a testament to Stallone's stature as much as anything else. I wanted to go up to him and say "I'm all ears" (the line from Universal Soldier when his character is wearing a necklace of severed ears), but I didn't get the chance.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 14, 2009 3:48 PM

TK: Stallone didn't direct Rocky OR Rocky V. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Ned at October 14, 2009 3:55 PM

Fucking shit. Twice in one day. Stupid lazy fact checking.

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2009 3:59 PM

Darth, way too cool of a story (I didn't know that) and perhaps his best line in any of his movies.

Reminds me of what got James Garner into racing...filming "Grand Prix", he found out he was a pretty good race driver. Next thing ya know, every Rockford Files episode has a car chase and an opportunity for Jim to do his famous "Rockford 180" turn...

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 14, 2009 4:19 PM

I had to go elsewhere to find a working trailer but yep...I got wood.

I've been looking forward to this movie since I accidentally found it on IMDB a long time ago. That trailer just made my week.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 14, 2009 5:05 PM

Found it.

Them things got blowed up real good! That's some damn fine gratuitous violence they got going there. Damn fine.

This movie has Dolph motherfucking Lundgren in it, folks! That thought alone should make you come in your pants.

I love the throwback 80's action style of this flick. This is my ideal choice for the "if you could have just one dvd on a desert island" movie. And I'm not at all ashamed to say I want to make babies with it.

Posted by: Sarah at October 14, 2009 7:21 PM

HELLLLL YEAHHHH!!! Oh man, I'm so there. I don't care if it's a big steaming pile of crap. This thing has so much testosterone that I might grow a mustache just sitting in the theater. But I don't care. It will be a mustache of happiness!

Posted by: luthien26 at October 15, 2009 12:43 PM

No trailer...but this sounds like some kinda Delta Force/Invasion USA-style mindless shoot-em-up. Sounds good to me.

Posted by: stryker1121 at October 15, 2009 2:40 PM

Another goddamned movie that's more G.I. Joe than G.I. Joe was.

See also: Ninja Assassin

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at October 16, 2009 3:47 AM





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