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Jason Statham and the Washed-Up All Stars

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (29)

expendablesda.jpg

From the looks of the trailer, Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables isn’t so much an homage to ’80s balls-out stupid action flicks as it’s an ’80s action flick stuck in 2010. There’s a certain adrenaline-fueled glee to that notion, but then again, we’ve progressed beyond the steroid-enhanced muscle pics for a reason.

Here we have Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Stallone, Dolph fucking Lundgren, Eric Roberts, and half of the retired WWF shooting shit and blowing things up with all the glee that their arthritis medication and tiny, tiny testicles will allow. But then, there’s also Jason Statham, who is the natural progression of Stallone — cooler, sleeker, more bad ass. And with him involved, it’s hard to entirely dismiss The Expendables.

Wait? What am I talking about? Why would anyone dismiss The Expendables? It’s got cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnie. Oh, ’80s action stars, smother me with your biceps.










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Comments

My undies are a bit...humid at the moment.

This looks so much better than The A-Team.

Actually, it even looks better than The Losers, which I am looking forward to.

This movie will be coming to a living room near me.

Posted by: Jerce at March 31, 2010 5:23 PM

Dustin, jeebus, you could at least GIVE me a pic of the Statham. Any excuse, yanno?

Sheesh.

Posted by: Meggrs at March 31, 2010 5:24 PM

And....Eric Roberts.
Whoever can guess the number of ironic DVD views this will get wins an alcoholic Shamrock Shake.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at March 31, 2010 5:27 PM

Why does Stallone look like he's melting? Oh yeah, because he is 63 YEARS OLD.

Posted by: branded at March 31, 2010 5:35 PM

At first glance, I thought you said "smother me with your hips."

Posted by: Justin at March 31, 2010 5:53 PM

Ho-hum. I'll just wait for the sequel.

Posted by: max at March 31, 2010 5:56 PM

Shows promise.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at March 31, 2010 6:12 PM

Statham is the natural progression of Chuck Norris, not Stallone.

As for the movie, it has Dolph Lundgren, and that's enough for me.

He's the real-life badass (world martial arts champ) who's equal parts super smart (he has a masters in chemical engineering) and super dumb (how could anyone blow such a seemingly sure shot at be a mainstay 1980s action hero?). How can you *not* love that combo??

Posted by: Jacktrade at March 31, 2010 6:20 PM

zzzzz

Posted by: Mick J at March 31, 2010 7:37 PM

Jim Doggie, I wont be Ironically watching shit, I will be front and centre for this baby and I will LOVE EVERY SECOND.


This will. FUCKING.ROCK.MY.SOCKS.


Literally spent the entire trailer SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing

Posted by: Nadine at March 31, 2010 7:39 PM

Oh yeah, because he is 63 YEARS OLD.

Pffft. Harrison Ford's like....what....80 now? It ain't the years, honey, it's the weird shit you do to your face.

Posted by: Jay at March 31, 2010 7:49 PM

Did anyone see the last Rambo movie? It was badass, and this is going to be badass. I've been hyped since I heard of it!

Posted by: Jason H. at March 31, 2010 8:20 PM

Jason H, I'm high fiving you right now.

Posted by: Nadine at March 31, 2010 8:28 PM

Yup. Yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup. Yup yup. Yup yup yup. THIS is what I've been waiting for. Enough pretty boys playing like they're action gods (looking at you, Twilight fagaroni's with cheese). I don't care if the acting blows (come on, you KNOW it will).

Posted by: Kris at March 31, 2010 9:08 PM

UUmm.. damn

This is like a freakin visual orgasm

Posted by: kooling123 at March 31, 2010 9:30 PM

FUCK! YES!

Posted by: SUPERFUCKINGASENTE. MOTHERFUCKER. at March 31, 2010 9:41 PM

Aw fuck YEAHHHHH!!!!1!@!!!

Posted by: koj at March 31, 2010 10:13 PM

Oh sweet cracker sandwich, I've been waiting for this movie for the longest time. This is the greatest movie ever. I'll be at the damned theater opening weekend. It's glorious. This is what great movies should aspire to.

The cast also includes Captain America, aka Randy Couture (UFC Champion and world class martial artist). There are no words to explain my excitement at this masterpiece of cinema.

Posted by: Melody at March 31, 2010 10:17 PM

This looks AWFUL! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!!!

Posted by: Lola at March 31, 2010 10:20 PM

This is one of the best trailers I've ever seen. Fuck the movie, this is like one of those kick-ass, orgasmic little homage dream clips on youtube. How talented do you have to be to make an original trailer look like pricier user-generated content? Talented enough, I guess, cause I'm sold.

Posted by: coryo at March 31, 2010 10:22 PM

Holy shit! I was all "Dolph Lundgren?" and when I looked him up I discovered this gem of badassery from 2009.

"Burglars tie up woman - but flee the house when they realise she's married to action hero actor Dolph Lundgren"

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at March 31, 2010 10:44 PM

Hmm, so torn... I love The Statham, but Stallone looks SO WEIRD these days!!

I wish he hadn't gotten all the plastic surgery.

*sigh*

Posted by: Jelinas at March 31, 2010 11:00 PM

Oh. My. HELL. YES.

Posted by: Aislinn at April 1, 2010 3:54 AM

So psyched.

Posted by: Royalewithcheese at April 1, 2010 4:32 AM

Wow, I could only understand about half of the words coming out of those people's mouths.
Also-Angel from Dexter popped up in there. Fun times!

Posted by: Nimue at April 1, 2010 8:44 AM

Wow, I could only understand about half of the words coming out of those people's mouths.
Also-Angel from Dexter popped up in there. Fun times!

Posted by: Nimue at April 1, 2010 8:45 AM

YAY!!!

Posted by: Mebe at April 1, 2010 8:54 AM

I watched the bootleg trailer of this over a dozen, maybe more, times. I have already watched this official trailer 6 times. I cannot be more excited for August. Forget the summer. Let's go from Iron Man 2 right to this movie. God, I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Posted by: Hairyman at April 1, 2010 10:40 AM

It's like a retirement party for all of their careers! Go ahead, guys... milk 'em for all their worth, cause this the end of the line.

Posted by: Ablakem at July 19, 2010 5:49 AM