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Jean Claude Van Damme is Back! Again! Damnit.

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (13)

eaglespath.jpg

I guess that Jean Claude Van Damme’s uber-meta, well-received but commercially disappointing JCVD has given the man enough clout to allow him to go back to what he does best: Act horrible and carry a big foot. Now he’s writing, directing and starring in what looks like an old-school Van Damme movie, which is to say: It looks really shitty (no offense to Van Damme fans, but you might want to find a better way to battle insomnia than banging your head on concrete until you pass out).

The movie is called The Eagle’s Path (of course it is), and though Van Damme has a certain flair for running a camera up a woman’s leg, he should probably get out of the writing/directing business. Maybe try a Bloodsport reboot. Or a Universal Soldier sequel. Timecop remake? Whatever — just not this:









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Comments

BOOOOOOO!

How dare you suggest Jean-Claude VanDamme is anything less than timeless entertainment!

A pox on you, sir!

Posted by: Morgagod at May 12, 2009 11:52 AM

Bloodsport Reboot, he does the Kumite at the age of 12 (played by Will Smith's kid) in an alternate universe. Original universe Van Damme travels back in time to tell him not to do so much blow.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 12, 2009 11:56 AM

Statham really has no competition these days. I mean, Van Damme had Seagal, Schwarzeneggar and to an extent Chuck Norris. Who else can carry an action movie simply by putting their name on it?
I've got Statham and Tony Jaa (right?) from the Ong Bak franchise.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 12, 2009 12:10 PM

I'm with BSlim, except I'd rather see Jean-Claude as the main villain in the Karate Kid remake. He'd kinda be like John Kreese, except he'd be Regional Manager of the Cobra Kai chain and...

[insert some plot stuff here (with montages, slow-mo shit and a Nickleback song)]

... and anyhow, he puts HIS ENTIRE FIST through Jaden Smith's head. I mean, his ENTIRE fist, like up to mid-forearm. And then JCVD could do that face he does when he's all super bad ass - with his eyes all bugging out and him going "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH" and then they'll show it from like twenty different angles and upside down and shit and then Elizabeth Shue will take off her top and we'll make out because I'll have a small role as a Pet Store Owner and when we're making out some tricked out fighter jets will fly over the All Valley Karate Tournament and Jean Claude will walk up to me with the kid's head still stuck to his arm and he tries to take Elizabeth Shue away from me because they used to date and I do a wicked roundhouse that takes his face completely off and then Joe Esposito parachutes in from one of the jets and he's all "Fight 'til the end, 'cause your life will depend on the strength you have inside yoooou" and everybody at the tournament joins in at the chorus and then Elizabeth Shue drops her knickers and we make sweaty animal love on the JumboTron...

That there's a goddam movie!

Posted by: Skitz at May 12, 2009 1:10 PM

That there's a goddam movie!

Posted by: Skitz at May 12, 2009 1:10 PM

-----------------------------------------------


If I make a suggestion via Phil, my sound guy. He says that "Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool should be playing when kick the guy's face off.
It could also be used in the promos.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 12, 2009 1:18 PM

*may make

*when you


DAMN YOU NYQUIL!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 12, 2009 1:19 PM

Phil is a goddam genius. HELL YES! But there's gotta be something more intimate playing for when Elizabeth Shue and I have our love scene. Above all, this movie is about the power and magic of finding true lo...

HOLY FUCK! How cool would it be if the Smith kid's head comes back to life on faceless Jean-Claude's arm?! There'd be a zombie Van Damme with a HEAD FOR A HAND! AND THE HEAD IS HELLBENT OF VENGEANCE!

The sequel writes itself.

Posted by: Skitz at May 12, 2009 1:27 PM

"Arnie had Norris?"

Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Schwarzenegger's doppleganger Stallone? Hello, Cobra!!

Posted by: gunnertec at May 12, 2009 1:40 PM

Oh, I meant they all kind of existed during the same time. gunner. And I completely forgot about Stallone! That's another! Where have all the meathead action heroes gone?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 12, 2009 2:40 PM

Their expire date came up. That's what. Stallone, Schwarzeneggar, van Damme hell even Kurt Russel (remember Tango and Cash? I loved that!)

Their numbers came up so its time to pack up the weights, put away the baby oil and face the truth. Any more punches to the jaw will break the damn thing.

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 12, 2009 6:59 PM

Meet tall sexy girls in the great web ***---S e e K B I. c o m---***. I’m sure your lover is there.

Posted by: linda shake at May 13, 2009 5:15 AM

Meet tall sexy girls in the great web
***---S e e K B I. c o m---***. I’m sure your lover is there.

Posted by: linda shake at May 13, 2009 5:16 AM

I hope soo , this film is very good ,I like that and idon't see yet .


please give me that film

van damme is my idol ,is my prefer actor

Posted by: mehmet at June 2, 2009 2:11 AM