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I'm Hell

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (29)

The-Dogfather.jpg
Lovable bulldog Sonny becomes the target of a mafia dog hunt after swallowing a priceless ring, and running off to live with a friendly suburban family in this comedy starring SNL alumni Chris Parnell. Having a mob kingpin for a master gets Sonny plenty of perks, but when the hungry pooch accidentally ingests an irreplaceable ring, he finds out just how disloyal humans can be. Narrowly escaping the wrath of his master’s henchmen, Sonny doesn’t stop running until he winds up in the suburbs, and befriends 12 year old Josh. At first Josh’s overburdened dad Brian (Parnell) isn’t too thrilled about his drooling new houseguest, but when the henchmen dognap Sonny, he realizes that the dog has become part of their family. Now, with his family by his side and the help of some neighborhood kids, Brian vows to get back their four legged friend even if it means taking on some of the toughest criminals in the city.

No.

Just. Fucking. No.

Snoop Dogg is gonna beat your ass, Samberg.









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Comments

"Poochie: The Movie"

This looks like one of those cheap crapfests Disney Channel pumps out to showcase the "talents" of one of their disposable Starlets of the Week. Parnell and Samburg are hardly big names, but you'd think they could command a bigger budget than Miranda Cosgrove.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 8, 2011 9:13 AM

Oh get over yourself, it looks like a cute family/kids movie. You're a grump.

Posted by: Sarah at February 8, 2011 9:19 AM

Poor Chris Parnell.

I know he needs other work besides Archer, but maybe he could come up with some kinda pseudonym for projects like this.

It would give him an exit strategy for when someone asks him about them. He could just say "Oh no, that wasn't me, that was that other guy Wally Stackford, we do kinda look alike though. Oh look at the time, gotta run!"

Posted by: Murderbot at February 8, 2011 9:20 AM

'Now, with his family by his side and the help of some neighborhood kids, Brian vows to get back their four legged friend even if it means taking on some of the toughest criminals in the city.'

And then they get fucking slaughtered, stuffed in plastic bags weighed down by breeze blocks, and dropped into the nearest reservoir. Because it’s the fucking Mafia.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 8, 2011 9:36 AM

Don't make this worse for me than it already is.

Posted by: Wally Stackford at February 8, 2011 9:38 AM

Thank you Zeke. You nailed it for me! I was thinking pretty much the same thing.

"The family is cut into little fucking pieces and fed to the dog that they loved so much. Now...they are one."

The End

Posted by: Uncle JR at February 8, 2011 9:46 AM

A cute family/kids movie? With the mafia? Is the sequal going to be the wacky adventures of a group of kids in Juarez who learn life's lessons while fleeing Mexican Drug cartels because their pet iguana accidentally ingested the map of the underground tunnel network used by mules to ferry product into the states? Followed by the wacky adventures of a bunch of moppets in Afganistan who stay a step ahead of the Taliban because their little sister accidentally got a book in the mail? Or perhaps the life affirming wacky adventures of a rogue group of kids raised in the Westboro Baptist church who decide that perhaps God doesn't hate fags because their dog is saved by a kindly gay man? Or the historical wacky adventures of a group of kids who leave Jonestown just before the kool-aid is served because it was grape-eeeewwww!!!! Hey how about the wacky adventures of a ragtag group of tweens attached to the Donner party who have to avoid being eaten along with their dog a beagle named Lunch? Yahoo!!!

Posted by: mrcreosote at February 8, 2011 9:51 AM

Josh laughs, and he and Sonny walk off down the sidewalk past a car radio playing Journey's "Don't Sto

Posted by: The Mutt at February 8, 2011 10:04 AM

Wait, does the dog talk or not? If the dog doesn't talk, I'm in.

Posted by: Lucas at February 8, 2011 10:06 AM

they should just stick to digital shorts

Posted by: sailboat at February 8, 2011 10:22 AM

I can't wait for you to review this, TK. Can't wait. And I think we really need more dog-themed ganster films:

Serpicorgie
Lassino
The Depawted
Scarsnout
The Unsnuggables
American Dogster
Mange of New York
Pugsy
New Jack Russell City
Meat Streets
GoodFetchers
Collieto's Way

Posted by: jM at February 8, 2011 10:34 AM

jM wins. FLAWLESS VICTORY.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 8, 2011 11:09 AM

Why wouldn't they just wait for the dog to poop? Somebody actually wrote a story about this? This is a 15-second anecdote..."the day the dog ate XYZ and we had to wait for him to poop it out."

A couple of years ago one of my team kids' told the standard for the world's most boring story, and it goes like this (said breathlessly): "Today, I was in gym, and there was a bee, and I thought it was going to sting me, but it didn't. And I swatted at it, but I missed." There's more dramatic tension in The Bee Incident than this whole movie plot.

Posted by: Wednesday at February 8, 2011 11:27 AM

In an avant garde move, the events of the film take place over the period of time it takes for the ring to make its way through the dog's intestinal track. But what if the ring had a high multi-prong setting? The dog could get seriously injured. The SPCA had better be all over this.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 8, 2011 11:38 AM

So it's Snatch for kids?

Posted by: Magiel at February 8, 2011 11:43 AM

Haters gonna hate, but I will totally watch this. I make no apology for my adoration of bulldogs.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at February 8, 2011 12:14 PM

I can't wait until they make a Cat themed Mafia movie.

The Catfather.

Posted by: Lordninja at February 8, 2011 1:19 PM

I'm not really seeing how Andy Samberg is associated with this movie...

Posted by: letsspoon at February 8, 2011 1:33 PM

Is this real? We're sure this is an ACTUAL movie, not just some SNL sketch that got thrown away and is now leaked?
Wow. Just... wow.

Posted by: Chance at February 8, 2011 1:55 PM

Y'all just aren't appreciating this for what it is. He wears a little pinstripe outfit! He eats spaghetti! So offensive, so doubtlessly bad, but so adorbs!

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at February 8, 2011 1:59 PM

I can't wait until they make a Cat themed Mafia movie.

You mean like A Bronx Tail or Road to Purrdition?

Posted by: jM at February 8, 2011 2:18 PM

Right, letsspoon? It doesn't look like Samberg is attached to this mess in any way.

Posted by: Riles at February 8, 2011 2:47 PM

His name really is Dr. Spaceman. I owe you an apology Tracy.

Posted by: commanderfunky at February 8, 2011 3:15 PM

Did i miss something?? At what point does it say that Samberg is involved with this?

Posted by: BearNinja at February 8, 2011 3:34 PM

As the owner of a white bulldog that does idiot shit all the time, I almost wanna see this. Behold once more: HOAGIE

http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u217/a_smallgirl/animules/hoagie012.jpg

Posted by: Amanda H. at February 8, 2011 4:34 PM

Not to nitpick PR writers or anything, but shouldn't it be SNL alumnus Chris Parnell?

Also, didn't they do this bulldog gag in Gone in 60 Seconds, starring Oscar winner Nicolas Cage?

Posted by: seed at February 8, 2011 5:31 PM

Also: Chris Parnell is the voice of Cyril Figgis from fricking Archer. What the hell's he doing in this mess?

Posted by: seed at February 8, 2011 5:33 PM

Are Al Cabone and Puppyface Nelson in this movie?

Posted by: jzhz at February 8, 2011 10:09 PM

Now there's a good one for Jennifer Love Hewitt... someone who has good taste in rings...
...
anyone?
No? Oh well...

Posted by: JohnnyBee at February 9, 2011 9:09 AM