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The British Have No Taste

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (37)

schwimmer.jpg

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all my years of following trade news and reviewing films, it’s this: Never let David Schwimmer direct your movie. I don’t know what kind of amazing bee-jays this man gives, but he managed to convince Thandie Newton and Simon Pegg to star in his first film, the very mediocre Run Fat Boy Run. And now he’s convinced Clive Owen to star in his feature follow-up, Trust, which isn’t even a comedy. It’s a staid, head-achingly dull kidnap thriller, at least based on this trailer. It must be the British thing: The Brits loooove Schwimmer (he also directed episodes of “Little Britain.”) Maybe over in the UK, Ross was everyone’s favorite, because the UK must be bizarro US. I bet they like the side of the OREO cookie without the filling over there, too. And Dante’s Peak over Volcano. And Dawson over Pacey. What kind of country would choose Dawson over Pacey? Jesus Christ, we should’ve colonized you when we had the chance. Damn.

Here’s the trailer for Trust, which also stars Catherine Keener.










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Comments

Schwimmer needs to schlub right on the fuck up out of this joint up in here. Him and Cera both. Clammy. That's the only word I can think of Clammy Schlubsters.

Posted by: Skitz at August 2, 2010 4:23 PM

Shalom, Schwimmer!

I just can't bear to schlep myself to the theaters to see this schmaltz you're shilling. Should I?

No no, save the spiel, I'm just a shikse with only a few shekels to my name. I just know that if I manage to sit through this schlock, some shlemiel would come along and get some shmutz on my schmate.

Stick to the "Friends" shtick. There's bound to be a reunion of those schmucks some time soon.

Posted by: mswas at August 2, 2010 4:34 PM

Is David Schwimmer to the English as Jerry Lewis is to the French?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 4:34 PM

Why the snark? That looks like a serviceable enough little thriller.

I'm intrigued by the fact that he's trying his hand at different genres.

So I guess it's easier to just kick back and mock him for having been the sad-sack character on a sitcom.

Posted by: Brian at August 2, 2010 4:37 PM

Not to justify your ridiculous notions but Ross was my fave when I was around 14. I admit to having posters on my wall. I haven't seen any of this stuff though. But I am a die hard Pacey fan. And we prefer Jaffa Cakes over Oreos, though since we can get those fairly easily these days they'll do too.

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 4:44 PM

Isn't this like an episode of SVU? Dick Wolf should sue.

Posted by: Teresa at August 2, 2010 4:49 PM

It's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember Run Fat Boy Run had at least two absolutely hilarious scenes: the giant blister & buffed up Hank Azaria in the locker room.

Posted by: GinKirk at August 2, 2010 4:54 PM

Maybe he's their Jerry Lewis?

Posted by: John W at August 2, 2010 4:58 PM

Currahee!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've watched a shitload of Friends, and never saw Band of Brothers til Friends was done and dusted, but all I can see when I Ross' fucking face is the giant dick-bag he played to perfection in BoB.

Posted by: icecreammang at August 2, 2010 4:59 PM

Hee, I am watching BoB right now.

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 5:02 PM

Maybe Schwimmer just makes English folks comfortable with Americans since he's so non-threatening.

Posted by: Fredo at August 2, 2010 5:02 PM

Are Americans supposed to be threatening? Can't say I've ever noticed.

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 5:04 PM

"Is David Schwimmer to the English as Jerry Lewis is to the French?"

And as Benny Hill is to the Americans?

Posted by: JTL at August 2, 2010 5:56 PM

I hear that Adam Sandler chap is quite popular in the USA too.
People in glass houses...

Posted by: Simon at August 2, 2010 6:04 PM

"Is David Schwimmer to the English as Jerry Lewis is to the French?"

And as Benny Hill is to the Americans?

And Hasselhoff is to the Germans?

Posted by: mswas at August 2, 2010 6:13 PM

It looks like this was directed by Red Ross.

If you get that reference chances are you are as lame as me.

Posted by: TSF at August 2, 2010 6:18 PM

Hot Damn Clive Owen. Seriously? Really!!!

For the record, Chandler was my favorite.

Posted by: Jean at August 2, 2010 6:23 PM

Chandler was my favourite, too. And I was a Pacey fan. (I can't stand Jaffa Cakes, though...)

I just always had trouble believing Ross was seriously meant to be hetero. To me he was the second most unlikely straight man in a sitcom - Niles Crane being the first, of course.

Posted by: Tarn at August 2, 2010 7:09 PM

Are Americans supposed to be threatening? Can't say I've ever noticed.

Depending on which foreigner you ask, Americans are:

- fat
- shallow
- narcissistic
- ignorant
- violent
- uncultured

Posted by: Fredo at August 2, 2010 7:13 PM

I may be wrong, but it looks like this is the film adaptation of a theater production co written and directed by Schwimmer at LOOKINGGLASS in Chicago this spring. I'm not sure about the film, but the play was really heartbreaking and fantastic.

http://lookingglasstheatre.org/content/box_office/trust

Posted by: Catwise Gamgee at August 2, 2010 7:49 PM

I forgot how fantastic Schwimmer was in BoB!

mswas: whether intentionally or not, your little rant there was more than a bit anti-Semitic.

Posted by: king at August 2, 2010 8:01 PM

Erm the British have no taste?
Nobody in America seems to watch Doctor Who, whereas over here it's one of the highest rated shows on TV. So there.

Posted by: Katie at August 2, 2010 8:04 PM

Still wish I could have gone to Pacey-Con.

Posted by: Melissa at August 2, 2010 8:05 PM

Ross/Schwimmer was the funniest thing about friends so u can go and fuck yourself right in the arse you sausage swallowing cumguzzler.

Posted by: supafly at August 2, 2010 8:29 PM

king I was sort of referencing my question to Pajibans in the "Dinner for Schmucks" thread about how prevalent Yiddishisms are across the US.

Sorry if I offended you in any way.

Posted by: mswas at August 2, 2010 8:42 PM

If I was in a theater and had never heard of this movie I would have dismissed it as a flat wannabe thriller and given it a pass. But at the end of the trailer, this floated up like a turd....

"Directed by David Schwimmer"

Like that means something!!! The 9th best actor on a show that ended years ago (behind Gunther, Elliot Gould, Paul Rudd and the other 5) is allowed to bring his mannerisms and tics to the screen as a director and that is going to bring people into the theater? If all you need to be is a minor part of a great sitcom, I can't wait for Jm. J Bullock, Gary Burghoff or Rob Reiner to get to direct movies as well.

Brett Ratner thinks this guy is a pretentious douche.

Posted by: Rubble44 at August 2, 2010 9:08 PM

or Rob Reiner to get to direct movies as well.

Uh....

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Posted by: sexy at August 2, 2010 10:11 PM

Why the hate? It strikes me that, either it's because of some serious stereotyping or just plain stupidity, but, Schwimmer was great in Friends, as he was in BoB (and in that 30 Rock episode.)

I mean, it's not that he was the best, nor the worst, the show was revolving around a group dynamic (see what happens if you fuck with that in "Joey"...) and he was one of my fav (yeah yeah, Pace was my fav so beat it) because I was ROTFL what with the Red Ross thing and his general angst and craziness/borderline psychosis.

I don't dig on Jerry Lewis, I love Doctor Who, I eat greasy food as I eat pussy, I enjoy red wine, Cantal, and Royale Cheese. So maybe it's a european thing rather that just an english thing, or maybe, to you it piles up as more reasons why the French and the English are weird. But you know, maybe you're weird, you ignorant, uncultured, violent, shallow, fat narcissists!

Sorry for this mini-rant, I know it's all part of the scathing and the bitchiness, but sometimes, it's fucking monday, and you're on your favorite website, and you have to deal with this shit.

Posted by: rg at August 3, 2010 4:37 AM

Uhhh, who said he was loved here in Blighty?

Certainly not anyone actually here in Blighty.

Posted by: Amandahugandkiss at August 3, 2010 10:10 AM

"If I was in a theater and had never heard of this movie I would have dismissed it as a flat wannabe thriller and given it a pass. But at the end of the trailer, this floated up like a turd....

"Directed by David Schwimmer""

Hilarious.

Posted by: samantha t at August 3, 2010 10:32 AM

I'll say it - I saw a show he directed in New York at Cherry Lane Theater (with Noah Emmerich) a couple years ago, and it. was. great. Great script helped, but his directing was MORE than serviceable. Doesn't mean he can direct film, they are two very different animals, but it's worth pointing out that he has had life after Friends and he's got some talent, as weird as it sounds.

Posted by: Tammy at August 3, 2010 3:59 PM

Way late on this (some fuckers gotta work you know?), and my faith in Godtopus has been restored as the video has been taken down, but...

"The Brits loooove Schwimmer (he also directed episodes of “Little Britain.”)"

I imagine that went something like this:

{obsequious sycophant tag}"Matt? David? OK, if it's alright with you two, I'm going to put the camera over here, and you guys, well, you're both just so great, you...you just perform that brilliant sketch you wrote!"
{/obsequious sycophant tag}

And I don't hate David Schwimmer, I just feel better when he's not around.

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Posted by: cosplay sexy at March 1, 2011 12:04 AM

Not to justify your ridiculous notions but Ross was my fave when I was around 14. I admit to having posters on my wall. I haven't seen any of this stuff though. But I am a die hard Pacey fan. And we prefer Jaffa Cakes over Oreos, though since we can get those fairly easily these days they'll do too.

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