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The B-Movie to End All B-Movies: "Sharknado" Full Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | July 11, 2013 | Comments ()


sharknado.jpg

I don’t think that SyFy was ever really trying with its original movies that were the height of B-movie craptasm, but at some point they lost control of themselves and it crossed a line to a territory where I’m not even sure they know whether they’re be ironic anymore. Either that or they literally hired Awesome-O to come up with all of their programming ideas, because “a tornado filled with sharks” is something that I would imagine was birthed in the ritalin-riddled recesses of a very lonely eight year old.

Here is the full trailer for “Sharknado”:

Several things spring to mind:

1. I am honestly mildly surprised to find out that Tara Reid is still alive.

2. Chainsaws working as lightsabers is something I can get behind.

3. The strategy of blowing up a tornado with explosives thrown from a helicopter really does seem par for the course.

4. The tornado’s propensity for chucking its sharks with laser guided accuracy right at people is far more malicious than your run of the mill creature-infested weather pattern.

5. This trailer’s serious tone could only be improved by dubbing Ave Maria over its entire length.

You know, I think that one thing we can all agree on is that the only thing this movie is missing is a TK real time review. I’ll see if I can pry him away from reruns of “The Client List”.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Gotta admit, I was hoping for more from Tara Reid. I thought she'd storm the beaches as NATO's foremost Marine Bio-Meteorologist, Dr. Taffy Saltwater: "First you discredit my research on sharks in low-pressure systems, Colonel, and now you expect ME to break EVERY Marine Bio-Meteorology Oath I've ever taken to save YOUR ass? Eat me." What a bummer that she landed the most fabulously craptastic movie possible, and had THE most boring and pointless role in it.

  • So hard to pick the BEST worst moment of this... event, but I think I'm going with "Falling sharks! Falling sharks!" Lost a nostril full of cutthern sumfort on that one.

  • blacksred

    I wanna see this in 3D!

  • Amy Love

    My husband and I haven't had cable for months. Today, we had a serious conversation about signing up for it again as a result of this gem.

  • Idle Primate

    Arrgghh. Syfy is an american channel. No sharknado for me in canada

  • Uriah_Creep

    It's on the Canadian Space channel Friday evening at 9 pm.

  • Yocean

    So I guess the Scy-Fy threw the Scyence part of their programmings to tornado huh?

  • Bea Pants

    I am DVRing this and having a watch party with friends on Friday night. Gummy Sharks have been purchased. We will be getting shitfaced on Shark Attacks and Twisters all night. SO EXCITED!

  • emmalita

    Why aren't you my friend?

  • Bea Pants

    Because the unifying force that is Sharknado is only just happening now.

  • Mrcreosote

    so, at some point,every actor in this thing had to have THAT TALK with their manager right?
    "I've got a part for you!"
    "geart! What is it?"
    "Well, it's an asylum film..."
    "That's cool! Beer and skittles, right?"
    "Yeah, that's a good attitude. It's a....disaster film. With sharks."
    "You mean like a Jaws ripoff? That's fine, I can emote for coke."
    "It's also a with a tornado."
    "Wha.....I've been drinking since 8, so maybe I didn't hear you. A storm? Did their boat capsize? Is it like a survival film? I smell EMMY!!!"
    "It's sharks in a tornado. It's called sharknado."
    ".........I hate you."
    "So, you'll do it?"
    "Of course."

  • melissa82

    NOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooooooo - the only way I feel safe from sharks is by staying out of the water (oceans, seas, rivers, lakes, swimming pools, bath tubs, showers with clogged drains) - now what can I do? Granted we don't have many cyclones in SoCal but if sharks can appear in tornados I'm sure a little thing like normal weather patterns won't stop them from appearing.

  • melissa82

    Ok, I finally watched the trailer. I'm in. That looks hilarible. (Also I obviously didn't realize that the movie is based in LA...I'm a goner for sure. But I also think that by the time the shark flies out of the twister the only thing we'll have to fear is that it will land on us. I don't really think they'll want to eat mofos when they're worried about breathing. Fuck, why am I THINKING about this.)

  • damnitjanet

    Literally too stunned for words.

  • And then someone said "SHARKS ARE RAINING DOWN ON US" and lo, it was the greatest day ever.

  • Boo_Radley

    Watch for my entry in this genre: VoleCano!

  • Slash

    I would totally watch that.

  • PDamian

    Okay, so I paused the trailer on the shot of sharks filling the air between office buildings, and I'm wondering: only great whites and hammerheads were scooped up by the 'nado? What, tigers, dogfish and bullheads aren't aerodynamic or something?

  • emmalita

    It's the bull sharks we should be worried about. Those suckers are much less discriminating about what they bite and have been caught in fresh water rivers. The Great White gets all the press, but the bull shark is the ninja of the shark world.

  • PDamian

    And there's the next SyFy movie right there: "Ninja Shark!"

  • pissast

    God dammit, the internet has left the internet and infiltrated real life. Do we really need a "professional" movie of this unbelievably stupid idea? I mean, that's what the internet is for. There are millions of people pumping out "OMG ligre unicorn zombie ninjas LOL" videos/blog posts/apps everyday.

    I'm offing myself the moment I hear Bacon: The Movie has gotten the green light.

  • LL

    B movie? Try Z movie.

    And I repeat: SharkFireNado or GTFO ... what, they couldn't get $50 more for the special fire effects?

  • That's gonna be the sequel!

  • Captain D

    In fairness, this one was set on the West Coast. I don't know if the shark population in the Gulf of Mexico is sufficient, but they could have had the storm hit some oil refineries that cause the tornado to become ablaze because, science, and such. The problem I see is that roasted sharks aren't nearly as deadly as living ones. If you somehow made the sharks fireproof then I think we're onto something.

  • Slash

    You're giving this concept way more thought than it deserves. Certainly more than the creative minds at SyFy ever have.

  • I don't understand. Get underground like every other tornado. The sharks will die by being thrown through buildings, or from, you know, NOT BEING IN WATER ANYMORE. Problem solved.

    "OH HAHA LOOK AT THAT SHARK FLOP ABOUT ON THE GROUND LIKE A MAGIKARP. Someone get me a shovel."

    MAYBE if it was something that's, I don't know, terrifying on land.

    RAPTORNADO.

    That I'd watch.

  • NateMan

    I don't think you even need Raptors. Make it Ratnado and most of us would poop our britches.

  • BWeaves

    Candygram! LANDSHARK!

  • emmalita

    This Syfy, not sci-fi. There is neither science nor fiction here. There is a Greater Imagination. To reach this Greater Imagination, you must let go of the rules that bind you to smallness. The rules of gravity, biology, physics and logic. Let go and let Syfy. Imagine Greater.

  • Of course to tap in to that Greater Imagination, one must take prodigious amounts of crystal meth. Chase it with cheap booze. And maybe a bath salts chaser....

  • emmalita

    Sounds like a Syfy staff meeting.

  • Idle Primate

    I remember a shark on saturday night live that was pretty crafty about getting in people's apartments. These ones might be like that

  • melissa82

    Candygram!

  • So it's Deep Blue Sea meets Twister?

  • Christian

    we're gonna need a bigger choppa!

  • bleujayone

    ....And a bigger toilet bowl too.

  • bleujayone

    "Hurricane David"? Really? I know I'm dating myself here, but that name was a Category 5 storm that killed a couple of thousand of people and caused a few billion dollars in damage. The name was retired because of it. This would be like if some Samuel L. Bronkowitz-wannabe made a movie 20 years from now and named the hurricane "Katrina" and was not referring to the storm that wiped out New Orleans.

  • melissa82

    You realize no one did any sort of research while 'crafting' this movie, right? If the screenwriter saw your comment right now it would be the first they heard of this.

  • bleujayone

    *sighhhhhhhh *headdesk Yes. I think we're all well aware no research was ever done or fucks were given for any production associated with "Syfy" or "The Asylum". Well... at least I THOUGHT we were all aware of that until just now. I'm sure it was unintentional in much the same way it would have been had they gotten a performance that wasn't dialed in.

  • Jim

    "The B-Movie to end all B-Movies"

    I'd like to believe that. I really would. {sighs}

  • TheOriginalMRod

    That looks craptastic! At least the "special effects" are better than Birdemic.

  • Drake

    My step-daughter's little dramas with her dolls have better special effects than Birdemic. Better acting, too.

  • Az

    Oh, Steve Sanders. "....not the plumbing... the OCEAN." That delivery was priceless.

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    He's acting the shit outta this.

  • bleujayone

    You realize of course there are porn actors rolling their eyes at that delivery.

  • Melody

    IS THAT IAN ZIERING FROM 90210 ORIGINAL FLAVOR?!?!??

  • bleujayone

    Sweet Tangoing Lucifer!!! Is that Robbie Rist (The Brady Bunch pariah Cousin Oliver) getting chomped at the end there?

  • I want to do a themed cocktail for this. Maybe a hurricane with a little chilli pepper for a little "shark" bite? I don't know, I'm spit-balling.

  • Bea Pants

    Look up the recipes for the Shark Attack and the Twister, come up with an tasty combination of the two, add Gummy Sharks, enjoy.

  • Tasty combination? *pshaw* Dump 'em in a blender with the gummy sharks. Blend thoroughly. Drink directly from the blender pitcher.

  • emmalita

    Gummi sharks always make a cocktail classy.

  • Or at least just as classy as a Sharknado cocktail needs to be!

  • emmalita

    Your finger foods could be Ian Zierings in a Blanket (pigs in a blanket with mustard on one end) and California rolls with little chain saws sticking out of the roll.

  • Allijo99

    Dear God, this is real?! Like actually really real? I thought this whole time it was an elaborate Pajiba inside joke to kill time until Justified came back.

  • NateMan

    I want Syfy to do an Apocalypse movie starring failed starlets as the 4 Horsemen.

    Tara Reid is Famine, obviously.

    Lindsay Lohan? Gotta be Pestilence.

    Amanda Bynes as War. She's got a particular hate-on for cops in real life that I think would translate well to film. Plus her Twitter wars are the stuff of legend. EDIT: I'd also accept Natasha Lyonne in this role.

    And Death? Death, the pale rider with dead eyes? That, my friends, can be none other than Paris Hilton.

    Tag-line: 'The end of the world has never looked more beautiful.'
    LAST EDIT: Title: Apocalypse Has-Been.

  • Disqus needs to fix this 'one upvote per user' bullshit

  • NateMan

    Ha, thanks!

  • bleujayone

    The Kardashians will be devastated to learn they're out of the running.

  • NateMan

    Their presence would require a title change to Apocalypse: Never-Was.

  • You are a glorious prophet. The end times have come!

  • Amy Love

    I SNORTED at 40 seconds.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Funniest thing I've seen in. My. Entire. Life.

  • I don't have sound at work and breaking out headphones is considered suspicious.

    Even on mute, this is goddamned glorious.

  • emmalita

    The dialogue doesn't really add much. The only line you missed was, "we need a bigger chopper."

  • Idle Primate

    When does this air?

  • Julie Chase

    Tonight!

  • Idle Primate

    Awsomealicious! I don't have tv at home but where I'm staying tonight does. Guided missile shark storm it is then!

  • meadowdancer

    Wow. I just can't even think that Syfy (I hate that freaking name) thinks that this is the way to get back on the map. That whole network is just a trainwreck now. I long for the days of Battlestar Galatica and Doctor Who.

  • BWeaves

    I think that's why they changed their name from SciFy to SyFy. Science doesn't even matter anymore. I think they just sit around a table with some beers and try to come up with an awesome B-movie name, and then come up with the stupid plot and dreamcast it with Z-grade actors, who they CAN actually get because nobody else will give them a job, and voila! Advertising dollars! Because they know we will hate watch it and talk about it.

  • Idle Primate

    Hate watch? Try disco love watch!

  • Idle Primate

    I dunno. People here seem pretty jazzed about it. A little fun?

  • meadowdancer

    Oh I am planning on watching it since it looks beyond ludicrous. One of my friencs put on facebook a fake news trawl about Sharknado's being seen it was pretty funny.

  • NateMan

    Also: Can TV movies win Oscars? Cuz this shit right here, this is Oscar-bait if I've ever seen it.

  • BWeaves

    You said bait.

  • Brooke Michelle

    I can't wait to hate-watch the shit out of this movie. I'm glad I have a half a bottle of cheap red wine to go along with it.

  • Hell yeah! Bring on the MD 20/20 and Cheez Whiz!

  • DeaconG

    Don't forget to cut the Mad Dog with Donald Duck orange juice!

  • emmalita

    You might need more than half a bottle.

  • Brooke Michelle

    It's a 1.5 liter bottle. I'm prepared.

  • emmalita

    I am so impressed that you were able to come up with any words at all. My brain was stuck on "wha........"

  • BWeaves

    This is gloriously ridiculous and SyFy knows it. I think that's why they changed their name from SciFi to SyFy. Science doesn't even come into play anymore.

    If a living animal is being thrown from a great distance from the sky to the ground, it's going to die when it hits the ground. All you have to do, is move out of the way.

    Although, I think I lost it when they decided to "blow up" the tornado. What the hell? Yeah, this is definitely a drunk watch.

  • I love the idea of an ANGRY TORNADO who just has it out for people. I love it so much.

  • NateMan

    Was... Was there a shark climbing up a rope after a dude somewhere in the middle of that trailer?

    I can't tell you how much I love the guy shooting a flying shark with a 9mm and having it kill the beast instead, you know, just pissing it off.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Yeah, I have to admit, the stopping power of 9mm wad cutters ain't what you'd hope for in that case...

    12 gage slugs are a starting point, but I'm thinking 50 cal if you really want a one and done situation.

  • I don't know about any of that, but I DID see a guy saw a shark in half with a friggin' chainsaw.

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    I believe it was climbing a rope. And also growling like a dog, maybe?

  • Julie Chase

    I thought they roared! THAT'S WHAT JAWS: THE REVENGE TAUGHT ME, THOSE LYING BASTARDS.

  • Fredo

    My DVR is set. I'm picking up beer and popcorn on the way home. I will turn my phone off.

    Then sit back, relax and bask in the craptacular glory that shall be....SHARKNADO!!

    Anyone wanna join me?

  • NateMan

    No way beer will get me drunk enough to enjoy this movie. I'm going to need either whisky or pot. Or both. But I'm with you otherwise!

  • Throw in some mescaline and I'm in. And then out - the window. Because I'll be terrified.

  • "We're going to need a bigger chopper." Stop. As if I needed another reason to watch this movie. It's an embarrassment of riches.

  • Zen

    Collective noun use +1.

  • Tara Reid isn't alive anymore. She's in purgatory. Which is another name for this movie. Glorious, glorious, shark-filled purgatory.

  • emma852

    just as Roy responded I didn't know that any body can earn $6029 in 1 month on the computer. did you look at this site w­w­w.K­E­P­2.c­o­m

  • Fredo

    That's the obvious sequel: Sharkgatory!!

  • bleujayone

    And there will be a fruitbat religious cult formed in the aftermath called Sharkentology.

  • NateMan

    It'll be less ridiculous than its real-world counterpart, at any rate.

  • NateMan

    I figured she got kicked out of Purgatory and is now inhabiting her corpse as it slowly turns to long-pig jerky in the sun.

  • At least she's not in a tornado filled with other long-pig jerky-skinned Tara Reids.

    Thinking about it, that would be the one thing to get me in more of a panic than a sharknado. A tornado filled with Tara Reids. Fuck that. 'A category 5 Reidnado is approaching the town!' 'Fuck it, just kill yourself.'

  • NateMan

    In the sequel, the Reidnado could run into the Lohurricane, the truest definition of starlet mash-up ever.

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