web counter
 

The 5 Most Obnoxiously Exclamatory Voice Over Lines in New Toddler-Friendly The Phantom Menace 3D Trailer

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (30)

ws_Jar_Jar_Binks_1680x1050.jpg

One of the more painful aspects of George Lucas’ Phantom Menace when it was originally released was that, in addition to being a terrible movie, all the people who grew up with Star Wars had this vague notion that Lucas’ series would grow up with them. But instead of really targeting Phantom Menace toward the adults that grew up with the series, Lucas geared it toward a new generation of kids. It was, in effect, a kid’s film. A live-action cartoon. In the latest spot for Phantom Menace 3D, which hits theaters this month, the voice-over guy really brings home that message. I’m not positive where this commercial is airing, but my guess is Nick, Jr.

It’s unsettling, to say the least.


Here’s a sampling of the dumb, over-enthusiastic lines you can hear in the trailer.

  • “Hurry up, Qui Gon. You don’t want to be late for the celebration!”

  • “That sound can mean only one thing. Pod Racing! The fastest most intense sport EVAR!”

  • “Oh YEAH! I almost forgot. It’s not all fun, as long as Darth Maul is around!”

  • “Chill out, R2!”

  • “And now that it’s in 3D, the action isn’t so far away. You’re right in the middle of it!”


    (Via Den of Geek)










    Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

    ← Lloyd Dobler Can Shove That Boombox Where The Sun Don't Shine: The Most Iconic, Unromantic Gestures | DC Launching Watchmen Prequels this Summer, Web Sites Run Out of "Who Will Watch" Puns →









    Comments

    This isn't an advertisement. It's Lucas' version of child pornography.

    Posted by: admin at February 2, 2012 10:29 AM

    • Looks only 10% worse than the actual Episode 1

    Posted by: Steve at February 2, 2012 10:30 AM

    my buddy's step-aunt makes $80/hr on the computer. She has been laid off for 7 months but last month her paycheck was $7382 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read more on this site... LazyCash10.com

    Posted by: James at February 2, 2012 10:32 AM

    **Grabs Gun**
    At the sound of the gunshot, there will be one dead announcer and **BLAM**....

    This isn't an advertisement. THIS IS WAR!!!!!

    Posted by: Kahntahmp at February 2, 2012 10:33 AM

    Lucas geared it toward a new generation of kids. It was, in effect, a kid’s film.

    And?

    Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2012 10:37 AM

    Yes George, to confirm a statement you yourself made before, you really are a horrible person.
    May you choke your narcissistic gullet on your next bowl of Chee-Zee coated C-Notes.

    And screw all of you out there who continue to feed this man's bank account. Dumping sparkles on the same regurgitated cow pie makes it no better. You already know that this sucks, so stop paying for it.

    Posted by: bleujayone at February 2, 2012 10:44 AM

    the phantom menace is my favorite start trek movie tho.

    Posted by: gp at February 2, 2012 10:45 AM

    Well, have fun getting all angry and shouty and stuff, I got some work to do. See you later on!

    Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2012 10:47 AM

    I was sort of breezing through this article and I came to the voice-over stuff. And for a second while I was reading those quotes I thought I was reading lines from the movie. Hand to God.

    Needless to say, I will not be seeing this trash. Fool me once, shame on me - fool me three times and forevermore I withhold every single penny from you until you lapse into a painful and lengthy diabetic coma which eventually ends in lonely death.

    Cool header pic.

    Posted by: superasente at February 2, 2012 10:50 AM

    So let me get this straight, James. Your Buddy's aunt makes $80/hr on her computer. She hasn't worked on her computer for 7 months because she was laid-off from her job working on the computer but somehow still grossed $7382 last month just working on the computer which she was laid off of 7 months ago. This doesn't make sense and so I'm forced to speculate how she made that much money in a month when she hasn't had a job in 7 months. My hypothesis:

    - Your buddy's aunt is a high priced call girl
    - She's the ringleader for an illicit pygmy goat smuggling organization.
    - She makes a living shooting miniature basketballs out of her hoobie-joo for wealthy Asian business men.
    - She Fucking Matt Damon.
    - She hosts Dance Dance Revolution parties for those with a stomping fetish.
    - She is part of a magicians act wherein he pulls her out of a bukkake pit.
    - She's fucking George Lucas (DISGUSTING)
    - She's invented a machine that feasts on the souls of orphaned African children and sells her harvest to Newt Gingrich so that he can maintain his youthful sheen.
    - You and your buddy violate her on a continuous basis with chorizo sausages while a burro fellates a Ronald McDonald look alike for the pleasure of Grimace and the Hamburgler.

    Any which way, she still has a job.

    Posted by: admin at February 2, 2012 10:53 AM

    Any anger, rage, disappointment, sadness or any other emotional reaction I may have once had with regard to Lucas or these prequels has long, long since faded.

    At this point, what's done is done and I just don't really care anymore. I love the first three movies and can easily ignore the rest.

    Posted by: Forbiddendonut at February 2, 2012 10:56 AM

    Someone give Admin a machine gun and let that boy have some fun.

    Posted by: superasente at February 2, 2012 11:01 AM

    i am eagerly anticipating this film's release.
    - Only out of curiosity for the box office numbers.
    The cat's out of the bag. Now that we all know it's garbage, it will be interesting to see who pays the extra ticket price to see this. Again.
    i am hopeful the numbers will be abysmal.

    In that environment, this ad makes perfect sense. Lucasfilm isn't just targeting children, it's targeting children who are too young to have seen The Phantom Menace already. They're looking for a new batch.
    It's their best bet.

    Posted by: Scott at February 2, 2012 11:03 AM

    Bravo, admin. Nothing James or any of his "friends" have said makes any sense, but I am thoroughly impressed with their mad HTML skills. First umlauts, now this. I wonder if they learned all that from LazyCash?

    Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 2, 2012 11:11 AM

    I'm betting Tallmingling.

    Posted by: admin at February 2, 2012 11:15 AM

    I'm just back from watching Simon Pegg's "Spaced" nerd-rage to wash the taste of this trailer out of my mouth - and I realize he's more spot-on than he could have known back then.

    "This up-jumped firework display of a toy advert" - that's it! That's exactly what the announcer makes it sound like.

    Posted by: TheFili at February 2, 2012 11:23 AM

    Ok, I get the rage. But I just saw a (very different) trailer for this over the weekend and even knowing everything I know now, I'm ashamed to admit my reptilian geek-brain was all "Ooooooh. Aaaaaah. Spaceships!"

    Posted by: space oddity at February 2, 2012 11:31 AM

    But hey, after this Lucas is retiring to focus on tiny art pictures. Didn't you hear?

    Posted by: John G. at February 2, 2012 11:36 AM

    Yes this is, indeed airing on Nick Jr...or maybe it's Teen Nick whichever one runs iCarly. Shut up I only watch it because sometimes I can't stand the sound of cartoons anymore and I know nothing murdery, rapey or cursey is going to happen while my kid is watching.

    Posted by: JenVegas at February 2, 2012 11:44 AM

    and I know nothing murdery, rapey or cursey is going to happen while my kid is watching.

    I, too, won't let my daughter watch Lifetime Television.

    Posted by: branded at February 2, 2012 11:55 AM

    My 5- year old daughter watching the HUB "MOM! They are releasing Star Wars in 3D!"
    Me: "Great! Maybe Daddy can take you!"
    Husband: to me "Son-of-a bitch, when did you start hating me?!"

    Honestly, i'm kind of pumped that my daughter is excited by a Star Wars film. This is a girl who watches a bunch of golden retriever puppies fly into space, for chrissake. SO my plan is to let her see the movies in Lucas order, 1 a year, knowing that as she grows up, her tastes will surely blossom (she can't be the daughter of 2 complete geeks for NOTHING). 9 year old daughter will most likely get a bigger kick out of Star Wars Episode 4 than 5 year old daughter will.

    Though to give her credit, she requested, sat through, and enjoyed our "LoTR" weekend viewing extravaganza a few months ago when we all had head colds and didn't leave the house.

    Posted by: lilianna28 at February 2, 2012 12:13 PM

    BRING ME THE HEAD OF GEORGE LUCAS!

    Posted by: CommanderStrikeher at February 2, 2012 12:18 PM

    Be not fooled, children! Stay away from the man who says he has puppies and candy and lightsabers in his van! No matter how bitchin' his van painting is!

    Posted by: twig at February 2, 2012 12:36 PM

    Hurry up, Qui Gon. You don’t want to be stabbed in the fucking gut and long dead for the celebration!


    Posted by: jon29 at February 2, 2012 12:51 PM

    I know nothing murdery, rapey or cursey is going to happen...

    Except to your childhood. ZING!

    Posted by: superasente at February 2, 2012 1:41 PM

    “Hurry up, Qui Gon. You don’t want to be late for the celebration!”

    Oh, I'm afraid poor Qui Gon IS going to be late, owing to the fact that he's dead and barbecued by that time. Whoops. Looks like Lucas is trying to introduce cruel disappointment to a whole new generation of fans! :)

    Posted by: luthien26 at February 2, 2012 3:21 PM

    Though to give her credit, she requested, sat through, and enjoyed our "LoTR" weekend viewing extravaganza a few months ago when we all had head colds and didn't leave the house.

    I know it's not my place to question anyone's parenting but: You let a 5-year-old watch LotR? All three of them? With all the blood and death and dismemberments?

    Posted by: FabMax at February 2, 2012 6:00 PM

    He's a Special just for ME!

    Posted by: Shane at February 2, 2012 9:15 PM

    I don't care what anyone says, just take look at ANY comic convention and take a look at what characters people dress as.

    Luke? Yep
    Leia? Hell yeah
    Han : Fuck yeah.
    Little Anikan? No.
    Jar Jar? Uh..no.
    Senator Amidala? Who?

    Dark Maul gets a pass only because he doesn't have horrid dialogue and is bad ass.

    Posted by: Horace at February 3, 2012 1:28 AM

    Mouse over header image - rightclick - save. ♥

    Posted by: lurkey at February 3, 2012 8:39 AM