Texas Chainsaw 3D Trailer: A Lesson In How To Make A Boring Movie About A Chainsaw Wielding Maniac Who Slaughters People Wholesale

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Texas Chainsaw 3D Trailer: A Lesson In How To Make A Boring Movie About A Chainsaw Wielding Maniac Who Slaughters People Wholesale

By TK | Trailers | September 14, 2012 | Comments ()


Sometimes, I hate Tobe Hooper. I mean, I love him for creating The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which remains one of my favorite horror movies. I hate him for either creating or inspiring nearly everything that came after it. It's been reborqueled to death -- 2003 had the Marcus Nispel's gruesome remake that starred Jessica Biel and actually wasn't terrible, and 2006 had Jonathan Liebesman's horrendous The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.

Here is the trailer for the cleverly titled Texas Chainsaw 3D. Yes, we're not even using the word "Massacre" anymore. Which makes sense, because now the title is as bland and unimpressive as the film looks. It's yet another "pretty people in the middle of nowhere getting slaughtered," a genre that can actually work if done with a modicum of intelligence.

This does not appear to be like that. Rather, it's yet another dull, lazy looking horror remake, much like 2010's Nightmare On Elm Street and 2009's Friday the 13th remakes (although the latter at least had the occasional moment of tension). This one looks worse than both of those. It stars a collection of blandly attractive youngsters (I'll make an exception for Alexandra Daddario, who is rather striking, but still not particularly talented) who all either wear midriff baring shirts or no shirt at all, it's got jump scares, it's got a chainsaw, and I'm already bored.

So here's the trailer. Watch it, just so you can kill 120 seconds of your life.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Septic Death

    At least Rob Zombie isn't directing it. I'll never get over what he did to Halloween.

  • fatpie42

    Not sure I understand your ranking of the various reboots. You seem to think it works like this:
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot - Not great, but acceptable.
    Friday the 13th reboot - Mostly awful, but some mildly worthwhile bits (good scares).
    A Nightmare on Elm Street reboot - Absolutely horrendous.

    The way I see it is this:
    A Nightmare on Elm Street reboot - Not great, but acceptable. (Took itself a little too seriously. Didn't live up to the quality of "Freddy Vs Jason", so fans were left with a bad taste in their mouths.)
    Friday the 13th reboot - Godawful. The asian actor was pretty cool. Everyone else sucked. Worst in the franchise.
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot - Horrifically bad. Complete mess and inconsistent plot. No sense of timing. Cheap jump scares and lazy filmmaking. Most flat characters out of all three reboots. Asides from possibly the prequel (which I haven't seen), worst in the franchise. ("Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3" with Viggo Mortensen was actually a lot better, albeit deeply flawed.)

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Hmm, Tania Raymonde...

  • BlackRabbit

    This trailer has a nice van and a pretty song. That's about it, really. Is it truly so hard to create a NEW horror film? I'm curious.

  • TheReinaG

    The last remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the one with Jessica Biel and Eddie Balfour) wasn't absolutely terrible. It wasn't the height of cinema, but I didn't feel like I wasted a couple hours of my life after I saw it. Plus it maintained the John Larroquette narration.

  • BlackRabbit

    Yes, it was decent. And Jessica Biel's shirt did yeoman work in keeping me interested. I dunno why people give her a hard time, she's not a bad actress and pretty-ish. Just typecast and bad role choices.

  • fatpie42

    I'm prepared to blame the director, but in the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" reboot Jessica Biel is horrendous.

  • Steph

    This film really didn't need to be a franchise.

  • Lindzgrl

    That's not a very environmentally friendly way to kill people. Plus he's probably doing real damage to his hearing. I can't condone it. No.

  • John G.

    This would work if it was reality pay-per-view, it starred the cast of the Jersey Shore and the chainsaw maniac was real.

  • JenVegas

    My favorite part of this trailer is how the overlay banner ad said "Do you like chainsaws? BNHL is the #1 maker of Chainsaws!" Well targeted ad men. Well targeted.

  • Jezzer

    The second modern chainsaw movie DID star Jordana Brewster, though. I really like her and think she should be in All the Things.

  • out of all the recent horror remakes that were conspicuously bland and boring, the remake of Fright Night stands apart as having been entertaining, funny, frightening and showcasing a few pretty original scenes. texas chainsaw will no doubt be in the ever growing former category.

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    Narcus Nispels remake was actually a decent surprise.
    This however looks like straight to DVD trash, that i'll still probably watch. Oh my life.

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