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"Teen Wolf" Trailer: Where's The Werewolf Doing A Handstand On Top Of Stiles' Wolfmobile And Making A Fool Of Himself?

By Seth Freilich | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (21)



teen-wolf-2.jpg

Teen Wolf is, rightfully so, a film cherished by many of my generation. It’s not a great film, but god damn it, it’s a fun film. There are quite a few very funny bits in the film, Stiles simply rules, and Teen Wolf’s coach still has one of my all time favorite pieces of advice:

There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

And so, ever since Dustin did some voodoo shit to bring the “Teen Wolf” reboot to reality, we’ve known MTV’s new series was going to be bad. They told us it was going to be a horror series, they cast a bunch of Twilight-looking motherfuckers and, well, they’re MTV. That, coupled with how they completely botched their Americanized “Skins” series told us all we needed to know. So there’s absolutely no reason for you to watch this trailer, but I’m giving it to you anyway because I was dumb enough to watch, and I suspect many of you are as well:

Yeah, you’re an idiot what just wasted three minutes of your life too, right? Welcome to the club.

This show looks god damned miserable. And the thing of it is, while I would always be against a “Teen Wolf” remake/reboot, there’s totally a way to at least try to do it right, and it would even fit into MTV’s austensible wheelhouse. You don’t go horror with it, which makes the show feel more like a shitty CW series — you go for exactly what MTV wanted to get as far away from as possible, a mix of teen/dark comedy and heavy-handed, high school soap. “The O.C.” meets “Gossip Girl” mixed with “Daria” meets “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” (with a splash, if you can figure out how to do it, of “Veronica Mars”). You risk being bland and melodramatic junk, sure. But you also take a chance at making it a show that’s actually fun to watch, both because it’s actually funny and because it’s loaded with cheese. You might fail spectacularly, but you might just land a decent little piece of TV nickel (at it’s best, it still wouldn’t be gold or even silver because, again, a “Teen Wolf” remake should not be). MTV, instead, went the route that leads solely and singularly to spectacular failure. Well played, Music Television, well played.

Meanwhile, check this out. I was wondering what the hell ever happened to the gal who played Boof? So I went over to trusty ol’ IMDB. Turns out that not much has happend to Susan Ursitti — she has only 13 films to her credit, the last of which was a 1997 short. So then I decided to see whatever happend to the dude who played Stiles. Turns out that Jerry Levine has turned into quite the TV director — among his twenty-odd credits are five episodes of everyone’s beloved “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and an upcoming episode of the mostly wonderful “Raising Hope.” And he’s married to Nina Tassler, the president of CBS Entertainment. Who’d a-thunk it — our little Stiles is all grown up. Well done, sir.









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Comments

a “Teen Wolf” remake should not be

A commandment that should have been followed.

Posted by: Fredo at March 30, 2011 11:07 AM

I always wanted the "Teen Wolf" series to continue during his college and NBA career. Not that boxing crap, but more of a classic monster version of "The Game". Can Teen Wolf recover from a torn ACL and a scandal over a lost weekend at the NBA all-star game? Tune in and find out! Although he's now probably not teen wolf. Just Wolf then?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at March 30, 2011 11:22 AM

Buh-largh.

Posted by: figgy at March 30, 2011 11:32 AM

The only thing this has in common with the MJ Fox Teen Wolf is the title.

The werewolf curse isn't genetic.
There is no basketball.
I'm not sure that best friend is even named Stiles.
It doesn't look remotely like a comedy.
There is no Boof!

For all I know this is closer to I Was A Teenage Werewolf than Teen Wolf. Therefore I have no issue with it. Let the tweens have their werewolf version of Twilight for TV. Who cares?

Posted by: ed newman at March 30, 2011 11:34 AM

Mrcreosote,
I think he'd be College Wolf, then Hopeful Wolf, then Married Wolf, then Daddy Wolf, then Regretful Wolf, then Cancer Wolf, then Dead Wolf.

Posted by: Kballs at March 30, 2011 11:35 AM

That was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I guess if the show's already shit there's no reason to make the trailer less than shit, huh? And what the fuck is with that dialogue? "What if what killed the body is still out there?"

What?! "killed the body?" Someone please destroy MTV before it destroys us all.

Posted by: Paultera at March 30, 2011 11:38 AM

It would be cool if he made it to the NBA but other teams were heavily recruiting draculas and frankensteins and the invisible mans.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 30, 2011 11:44 AM

Paultera- I'm with you. I couldn't get past that line. The trailer ended there, as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: Mel C. at March 30, 2011 11:50 AM

Pathetic. Just hamster-molestingly pathetic.

MTV used to be actually worth watching - you know, back when they showcased music, long before they branched out into total bullshit. Good Sweet Shitting Dicknipple Christ, even MTV's cartoon lineup was superior to anything they have now.

Posted by: The Wanderer at March 30, 2011 11:57 AM

So she didn't continue acting, but what actually happened to Boof? 1997 and you left it at that? I want to know about a failed yoga retreat in California, or three happy children with an ex-Marine.

Posted by: Brenton at March 30, 2011 12:26 PM

Except for the title, this has no relation to the film. I'm not opposed to a werewolf TV series that takes werewolves seriously. There's potential if MTV can go out of character and not fuck it up.

Posted by: Robert at March 30, 2011 12:45 PM

"What if whatever killed the body is still out here?"

Really? Really. Is that how we're going to play this? Fine.

Apparently, spambots are now writing MTV television shows.

Posted by: TheBoy at March 30, 2011 1:18 PM

spambots are now writing MTV television shows

No, that would be more compelling.

Posted by: Paultera at March 30, 2011 1:22 PM

It's like they took the first scene of "Being Human" completely out of context and just ran with it.

These people are going to ruin monsters for me, damnit!

Posted by: ZombieNurse at March 30, 2011 1:26 PM

I was down to zero
Still an unsung hero
Waiting for my ship to come to shore

I stood empty handed
Like a seagull stranded
Watching all the other seagulls soar

I was slowly losing hope
Twisting frayed ends of the rope
In a suicidal fantasy

I was going to extremes
Losing sight of all my dreams again
I never thought I'd win

I was blinded by the pain
Running wild through the rain
In a parody of ecstasy

I was inches from the edge
Fingers clinging to the ledge again
I never thought I'd win

[Chorus]
Win in the end
I'm gonna win in the end
Win in the end
I'm gonna win in the end

Got to keep my cool
I am not the fool
Everyone expects to play me for

I could change the pattern
Steal a ring from Saturn
Forge myself into a man-of-war

I am equal to the task
I won't hide behind the mask
What you see is what you'll get from me

I am stronger than they think
They can force me to the brink again
But now I know I'll win

[Chorus]

I will steal the thunder
Rolling out from under
Every cloud that's clashing(?) in the sky

Like a true defender
I will not surrender
Why should I lie down for them and die?

I am equal to the task
I won't hide behind the mask
What you see is what you'll get from me

I am stronger than they think
They can force me to the brink again
But now I know I'll win

[Chorus]

Delivered sort of like Linus at the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas: That, my friends, is what Teen Wolf is all about.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 30, 2011 1:40 PM

Seeing as how the original Teen Wolf was played by Michael J. Fox, I guess now he'd be Shaking Wolf.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at March 30, 2011 1:59 PM

Kballs left out Trying to Recapture my Youth Wolf, and Retirement Home Wolf. Retirement Home Wolf would be the Golden Girls meets the Dog Whisperer. Perhaps the Wolfs could also solve crimes using their wolf hearing and smell and would be a Very Special Procedural Horror Comedy-an entirely new genre.

Perhaps my posts don't need to be stream of consciousness.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at March 30, 2011 3:13 PM

I hadn't heard they were remaking Teen Wolf. Now I'm sad. THERE IS NO TEEN WOLF WITHOUT STILES. The REAL Stiles, not the fake Stiles from Teen Wolf: The Hogan Family Years.

Posted by: BeckEye at March 30, 2011 3:23 PM

I figured Regretful Wolf would cover all that yearning for youth, then he'd get cancer before going into a retirement home because fuck that shit.

Posted by: Kballs at March 30, 2011 3:36 PM

I cannot, in good conscience, give them even the slightest hint of props (not even for using the name Argent). That was dire.

Posted by: Shane at March 30, 2011 6:33 PM

I could change the pattern
Steal a ring from Saturn
Forge myself into a man-of-war
I am equal to the task
I won't hide behind the mask
What you see is what you'll get from me
I am stronger than they think
They can force me to the brink again
But now I know I'll win
[Chorus]
I will steal the thun

Posted by: cosplay wigs at April 1, 2011 5:49 AM