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Like Money Train Without the Money Train


Wow, Another Remake / Daniel Carlson

Trailers | February 16, 2009 | Comments (23)


Hollywood never makes a new movie if it can just dust off an old one. Case in point: The new version of The Taking of Pelham 123, a remake of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three. (This is 2009, so people cant rede numb3r words.) The new film stars John Travolta looking thetan-tastic as a guy who hijacks a subway car and holds the passengers hostage. Denzel Washington is the operator back in the office who’s taking Travolta’s demands, and James Gandolfini (?!) is the mayor of New York. And to top it all off, it’s directed by Tony Scott. Blerg. Watch the trailer for the movie you won’t want to see this summer:









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Comments

Was the original anything special?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 16, 2009 11:41 AM

Optimus, the original was a great little movie. Walter Matthau vs. Robert Shaw as the main villain.

Denzel actually looks interesting in the trailer, but my interest in seeing Denzel is completely obliterated by the massive suckery displayed by Travolta. I'll keep my memories of the original intact; thanks anyway, Hollywood.

Posted by: Jerce at February 16, 2009 12:01 PM

Apropos of nothing, I just wanted to share with everyone that my delightful company has started banning frequently accessed sites because they hate small children, babies, and people that loath their jobs. So in a demonstration of protest I am now browsing banned-Pajiba through a text browser on my personal server that I've sshed into. Suck that corporate! You'll stop my Pajiba posting when you pry it from my cold dead hands!

Posted by: stipe42 at February 16, 2009 12:02 PM

Travolta's seventeenth, and hopefully final, comeback

Posted by: tdehr at February 16, 2009 12:03 PM

Rhymes the original was fantastic, you young people are starting to disappoint me more and more with your lack of knowledge concerning movie history. But I don't blame you, I blame Rowles, if he spent half his time trying to educate you youngins about movies as he does trying to figure out which male actor has the hottest body then you would not have made that unfortunate statement.

Posted by: Pookie at February 16, 2009 12:12 PM

Never happen tdehr...he'll make movies until Xenu calls his blank, dead-eyed ass home. Why? Because truth be told, monitoring your thetan levels gets REALLY boring after awhile.

Posted by: Smokin at February 16, 2009 12:14 PM

I recently watched the original and I thought it was very good... and there's absolutely NO reason to remake it.

Fuckers. I'm still pissed off about the Nightmare of Elm Street retread.

Posted by: snapnhiss at February 16, 2009 12:15 PM

I recently watched the original and I thought it was very good... and there's absolutely NO reason to remake it.

Fuckers. I'm still pissed off about the Nightmare on Elm Street retread.

Posted by: snapnhiss at February 16, 2009 12:16 PM

Was the original anything special?

They're making a "remake." QED.

You do a star rating on the earlier, good movie by counting up the injected modern-movie crap-o-la in the remake. The more places to hook the crapola, the better the original was.

* Add half a star for the solid couple talking about the ordinary in the middle of a crisis to show their connection and commitment. Add another half-star for "banter", like "I can get half a gallon."

* Self-reflection (about mirror-deep, but that's another problem) made with lots of talkey-talk. "I'm just a civil servant." - Half a star. Used to be worth a whole star but we've long since give up on showing the characters' experiences. Their facades are as nuanced as bad Anime.

* Over the top bad guy being all over the top with the pseudo-wit. Like every bit of Travolta in the clip. - Half a star, because they're all bad Bond bad guys these days.

* Car-gun-kung-fu in obvious CGI or bad Hong Kong knockoff. - Half a star. The car does not need to do a 3.5 pike position, with a twist. The tension is the delay because it stopped, but since we don't do tension any more . . .

* Messing with the title - Half a star. "123" is a number. "One Two Three" reflects the hijacker's meticulous planning and execution. They even say: "By the numbers." at one point in the original.

Therefore, the original The Taking of Pelham, One Two Three was a 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 1/2, for a three-star movie.

Now, I'm going to go watch Notorious and / or Cassavetes Tempest (a good, interesting "remake") to wash the bad taste out of my brain.

Siskel / Ebert '12
Remember when movie critics weren't flacks?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at February 16, 2009 1:03 PM

Stipe, I hope they don't find your text browser. See, going for the stalking gold here.

Posted by: Sharopa at February 16, 2009 1:44 PM

Oh don't worry about me. I'm a totally elite hacker. Why just the other day, my computer became self aware and I stopped it from launching nuclear missles by playing tic-tac-toe.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 16, 2009 1:55 PM

It looks like Denzel Washington recycled his role from Inside Man, except this time he's a "civil servant" instead of detective.

On the whole, this looks pretty shitty...HOWEVER I couldn't help but notice Luis Guzman's name in the credits. I don't know what it is about that man but I LOVE him, he's so fantastic at what he does, which is...I don't even know what he does! But he's awesome.

Posted by: citizen_cris at February 16, 2009 2:24 PM

here's how i see this movie going:

-Denzel goes to work
-Travolta enters train
-travolta threatens to dance, hijacking said train
-danzel asks travolta to stop
-they yell at each other for about 30-45 minutes
-denzel yells at tony soprano
-denzel calls his wife to tell her he loves her and she tells him to get some damn milk (?)
-denzel tells tony soprano to fuck off
-denzel and travolta have a man-sized wrestling match
-denzel saves the day
-denzel brings a gallon (ROMANCE BABY) of milk home
-roll credits

Posted by: HeatherB! at February 16, 2009 2:41 PM

I thought Denzel already did Malcolm X?

Posted by: Pookie at February 16, 2009 2:51 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Travolta as "the heavy"? Sorry but his last stints playing such characters (Broken Arrow, Swordfish, Punisher) were just GAY, and by that I mean, hard dick... inside dirty butt... GAY.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 16, 2009 3:01 PM

This is the first time I can remember that Denzel actually looks old and worn, so I guess that's good if you're replacing Walter Matthau. Why they'd remake such a mediocre movie in the first place is beyond me.

Posted by: c at February 16, 2009 3:12 PM

BSlim it is official. You are bat shit crazy. I must admit that the funniest thing I've ever read on Pajiba was when you accused Will Smith of being a (nigga Tom Hanks), every time I think of that I start to laugh.

Posted by: Pookie at February 16, 2009 3:22 PM

I just found out that Tyler Perry has a new movie coming out this Friday. I think I'm about to cum.

Posted by: Pookie at February 16, 2009 3:32 PM

Actually this is the second remake. It was remade in 1998 starring Edward James Olmos playing the Washington / Matthau role and Vincent D'Onofrio playing the Shaw / Travolta role. See here

Posted by: Lord Future at February 16, 2009 3:39 PM

denzel brings a gallon (ROMANCE BABY) of milk home

Knowing the original, and knowing that you are most likely correct, I'm rather sad at the moment. Would that be a Chekhov's gun offshoot? The thing that'll make the couple snicker before the fade out?

Posted by: Jay at February 16, 2009 6:55 PM

John Travolta....

Who greenlights this shit?

Posted by: George at February 17, 2009 5:04 AM

So John Travolta is Robert Shaw. Jesus. And now fuck Denzel too. Robert Matthau is an all-timer. If you haven't seen the original, see it now and bypass this tripe.

Posted by: Lee at February 17, 2009 7:21 AM

FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD.

This is one of my favourite films and I fucking hate John Travolta.
And Denzel Washington can suck my boyfriend's balls.

Posted by: missh at February 17, 2009 8:28 AM


















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