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One Movie. Three Kinds of Batsh*t

Let the Katrina Exploitation Continue! / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | April 21, 2009 | Comments (27)

Below we have the trailer for Streets of Blood, set in Katrina-raved New Orleans and starring Val Kilmer, Sharon Stone, and 50 Cent. Last we spoke of it was in the casting stages, and I was feeling uncharacteristically chipper and hopeful and optimistic and upbeat that day, and described my feelings about the project as euphemistically as possible:

In promising casting news, director Charles Winkler (son of Irwin, but apparently not related to Henry) has assembled his principles for Streets of Blood, a movie about two police officers dealing with the lawlessness after Hurricane Katrina, a tragedy that has emboldened New Orleans and revealed the compassion and generosity of our United States government. Starring in the film will be Val Kilmer (awesome!), 50 Cent (double awesome!) and Sharon Stone (triple awesome!), who plans to put aside her valiant humanitarian efforts for the eight-week shoot that begins next month. How much fun would it be to hang out on the set with Sharon Stone for two months! I know, right?

…

And in that continuing tradition, here’s the trailer. It looks awesome. I just love the way that Sharon Stone and Val Kilmer’s accents sound so authentic! And that there must have been so very little batshit crazy on set. Plus, it looks like prostitutes give blow-jobs to guns! How cool is that? And my favorite part? At the end of the trailer, when it says, “Now on post-production,” as if to excuse what you just witnessed.

Oh, bother.


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Comments

Did they film this at Mardi Gras World?

Posted by: stephie at April 21, 2009 3:22 PM

To be fair, I love Val Kilmer, and nothing will ever shake that.

That said, no.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 21, 2009 3:25 PM

Damn, I didn't know I was supposed to be charging for my gun blowjobs.

Posted by: Kash at April 21, 2009 3:44 PM

What, you're censoring headlines now?

Posted by: lordhelmet at April 21, 2009 3:55 PM

Give me "Tombstone" Kilmer and "Casino" Stone and we can talk. Those two were made of awesomeness. This is sheer fuckery.

Posted by: greer at April 21, 2009 3:59 PM

I have a news I wmat to told you quickly sharon stone likes the chocolat milk KISS

Posted by: davidolegleg at April 21, 2009 4:04 PM

Dustin, I think you should post a seriously random list of the worst New Orleans movies ever...that could be a long list. This one looks like it's making a quick climb to the top though.

Posted by: JenVegas at April 21, 2009 4:16 PM

"a seriously random list of the worst New Orleans movies ever"

That list would start and end with Hard Target. Seriously. Van Damme as a cajun. Named Chance. Because, and I quote, "My mamma took one."

Posted by: TK at April 21, 2009 5:24 PM

I'll see it for the Kilmer, and just squint and turn Sharon into someone else who's vajayjay I haven't seen...

Posted by: thordora at April 21, 2009 5:47 PM

I gare-ohn-tee this is going to suck.

Posted by: stryker1121 at April 21, 2009 6:39 PM

Mad Martigan will always be ok in my book.

However, having mush-mouth Fiddy Retard in this guaranFUCKINtees that will never be even in the same room whenever it's on.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 21, 2009 7:17 PM

Let's see: insulting, idiotic, looks shot with 1 bad camera, has Sharon Stone and it completely ignores what really happened in post-K NOLA.

And when are studios going to learn that people from New Orleans do not talk with a Southern accent (that's further east) or a Cajun accent (that's west about 300 miles)?

Posted by: Fredo at April 21, 2009 8:58 PM

Ah, New Orleans. The Big Easy. Sweet Lady Gumbo. Old... Swampy.

Posted by: ben at April 21, 2009 10:32 PM

It's Katrina meets The Wire -- only instead of 5 seasons worth of the highest quality television about a slowing decaying American city/dream, we'll cram it all into 2 fun-filled hours!

Posted by: eddie walker at April 21, 2009 10:58 PM

I really liked Kilmer in "The Doors". Did anyone else like "The Doors"?

Posted by: adam at April 22, 2009 12:04 AM

Am I tthe only one who's just about had it with the hyper-editing technique used in trailers like this? That's such an avalanche of images that I can't grasp a single one. They all slide right off my brain. Can't we linger on a scene for more than half a second?

My head hurts.

And fuck this movie.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 22, 2009 12:06 AM

The only way to enjoy the trailer is to count the number of people who get shot.

Outsiders will never nail the "Louisiana accent", so just give up.

Posted by: Recondite at April 22, 2009 2:42 AM

Okay....I love Val. Gay Perry, Mad Mardigan. Rocking a Brando impression in the Island of Dr Moreau...I love him. I wont see this. But I love Val, so it pains me to ask, since he's already...fairly large in this...did they wrap filming and then he went out and ate...Fiddy?

Posted by: Nadine at April 22, 2009 4:52 AM

This shit is gonna suck but I would pay to watch Iceman clip his nosehairs with a pair of safety scissors, rearrange his sock drawer, go through a whole box of q-tips, etc. Any haters need to watch Real Genius.

Posted by: kidtiger at April 22, 2009 4:57 AM

Remembered question, I dont hate the song on the advert

Posted by: Nadine at April 22, 2009 5:12 AM

I'm sorry, is Val Kilmer someone we're supposed to hate? No, I can't do it. Gay Perry can do no wrong.

Posted by: James at April 22, 2009 7:26 AM

kilmer could've reused his doc holiday accent from tombstone and it would be more believable as any variant of 'southern'. i kept hearing 'r's' on the ends of words where there shouldn't be.


stone... her accent coach obviously has 'old money-atlanta' confused w/whatever variant of 'nu awleanian' it was they were going for....

nu awlunz accents don' come easy to foreigners...and echoing another's statement...'they' shouldn't even try.
it's just painful...

Posted by: kikz at April 22, 2009 7:55 AM

This movie is fucking infuriating.

Posted by: jamiepants at April 22, 2009 10:44 AM

I'm happy to see so many people bitch about Stone's atrocious accent. Once again, if you're going for a New Orleans accent think more Brooklyn, less Georgia. Whatever, it just reminds me why I'm in grad school.

And I'm kind of appalled at the whole post-K crime drama.

Want to see a movie about Katrina? My mom saw the premiere of Trouble the Water at Canal Place a few months ago, and HBO is about to show it on the 23rd. She says it's fucking amazing and much better than that thing Spike Lee did.

Posted by: Sharon at April 22, 2009 12:28 PM

at this point, i think im gonna be mad no matter what comes out about katrina. different types of mad- weepy mad at when the levees broke, angry mad at k-ville, probably livid mad at this. not sure about treme yet. as a new orleanian, im kinda done talking about katrina and new orleans with anyone who's not also a new orleanian. we're fucked up here, and we don't want to talk about it with the rest of y'all, especially when the vehicle doing the talking is fucking sharon stone sounding like she's from macon, ga and it's 1940, cuz really? those types of southern accents are pretty much gone. sigh.
ps. you want a real fucked up story about post katrina new orleans? go read this article from the nation:

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090105/thompson

all of the violence wasn't just drugged out gang bangers and a turf war. shit is so much more complicated here.

Posted by: bree at April 22, 2009 1:14 PM

The Pelican Brief belongs on that Top 10 List. The massive suck that is Julia Roberts just compounds the usual shitpile that is most adaptations of Grishom's books, which I was over after A Time To Kill. I've never been to New Orleans, but I can still muster some more hate for her based on that movie.

Posted by: slower lower at April 22, 2009 4:11 PM

Agreed, bree.
In my department here in Austin I'm somehow referred to as the "Katrina girl." I don't get it. I never brought it up except in my 2007 orientation that I graduated from UNO in 2005. That was it. It's a weird thing.

Posted by: Sharon at April 22, 2009 4:57 PM