I hadn’t planned on bringing the trailer suck-off back so soon, having inflicted the first very painful one on you yesterday. But, it’s January, and the trailers are harder to watch than geriatric armpit intercourse. So, here are two more trailers for you to judge — you can vote at the bottom. I was surprised at how well Brittany Murphy fared yesterday, but I have a feeling there won’t be much of a contest today. The first trailer is for George Romero’s Of the Dead. That’s the name of the movie. He apparently couldn’t think of a noun to place in front of it, and I’m afraid that the trailer — despite the presence of zombies — doesn’t really suggest it deserves a noun (can it possibly be worse than Diary of the Dead? I think it can). Don’t go letting the name Romero and the presence of zombies influence your vote.
The second trailer is for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. I’m not sure how many Street Fighter movies have been made now — I’d approximate 92 — but they decided to give up the roman numerals and hire Michael Clarke Duncan (and wasn’t Street Fighter the original video game adaption? Or was it Mortal Kombat? Maybe it was Super Mario Bros?) Anyway, the movie also stars Kristen Kreuk, Chris Klein, and Moon Bloodgood, but they’re barely in the trailer.
Neal McDunnohowtospellhisname pushes Street Fighter over the top for me.
Posted by: Nate at January 7, 2009 10:59 AM
Embarassed as I am to say, I think I would actually see Of the Dead. It just looks like some shittastic fun all around. But I'm also torn, because I would like to have an encounter of the lesbian kind with Kristin Kreuk...still, I'm going to go with Street Fighter as the worst.
Oh my...I must have stumbled in here by mistake. Sorry, I'll just go back over to the best films you didn't see and cozy back up to Let The Right One In, and pretend this never happened.
This is like choosing between a shitburger and a diarrhea enchilada.
Posted by: boo at January 7, 2009 11:04 AM
What, the zombies are invading cattle country now?
"We have to teach them to eat something other that us", so there going to corral them all and call in the zombie whisperer?
Fuck. Off.
Mini-div: Find the appropriate noun to fill in the one that Romero couldn't think of.
My vote is for Cowboy Of The Dead
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 11:05 AM
Dear George A Romero,
Stop. Just stop already. I am tired of you sullying your own good, zombie name.
Thank you.
Vegas.
Posted by: JenVegas at January 7, 2009 11:06 AM
It was a near thing, but "Of the Dead" out-sucked the other one by juuust a hair.
Neither of these was as embolism-inducingly bad as that "Ramen Girl" thing yesterday.
Posted by: Jerce at January 7, 2009 11:07 AM
Hmmm...tough call. Both appear to apply suck with a trowel. But Neal McDonough reprising his frosted-hair bad guy routine from Walking Tall might supply a little unintentional humor. So I'll go with the dessicated remains of the Dead franchise.
Posted by: sansho1 at January 7, 2009 11:09 AM
Ranch of the Dead?
Posted by: jM at January 7, 2009 11:11 AM
Mini-div: Find the appropriate noun to fill in the one that Romero couldn't think of.
I like it! I'll reach all the way back to yesterday for inspiration and suggest "Ramen Girl Of The Dead"
Posted by: sansho1 at January 7, 2009 11:12 AM
I was somehow expecting Legend of Chun Li to suck more, but my Godtopus, Romero has straight up lost his touch. So he gets my vote.
Admin: I'm gonna throw in Haggis of the Dead, if only because it seems to take place in Scotland.
Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 7, 2009 11:13 AM
Roundup of the Dead!
And seriously, they're Zombies! Whatever happened to the good ole bullet between the eyes?
Posted by: Drake at January 7, 2009 11:17 AM
Oh, how is this even a contest? Bad country accents (and did I hear a random crappy Oirish accent in the middle?) and zombie effects that are somehow less realistic than the ones back in the 1980s VS mild diversion of pretty people kung-fu fighting. It's gotta be "Of the dead", and I say that as someone whose childhood was spent playing the video game the other movie is desecrating AND as someone with a fiery, fiery hatred for Kristen Kreuk.
Posted by: Shay at January 7, 2009 11:17 AM
Don't go letting the name Romero and the presence of zombies influence your vote.
Romero's a joke, but I can't not let the zombies influence me. Sorry Street Fighter.
I'm gonna say Of the Dead Palin.
Posted by: jamiepants at January 7, 2009 11:18 AM
Oh, I see. You're trying to come up with an appropriate title, while I sit in the corner and engage in wish fulfillment....
Dustbowl of the Dead?
Posted by: sansho1 at January 7, 2009 11:19 AM
Dude Ranch of the Dead
There's my submission. Anyway, neither of the trailers gave me dry heaves like that Ramen mess. But the Zombie one wins out for the confusion factor. A Zombie Western? Although a zombie saloon would be kind of cool... Hmmmm. My brain is too dead (no pun intended) to fill in the rest of the blanks. Any one else care to take a crack at the life in an old spaghetti western with zeds?
Posted by: Kayanne at January 7, 2009 11:20 AM
Never underestimate the power of folks' desire to bone actors. In my case, it was Brittany Murphy yesterday, and Neal McDonough Kristin Kreuk and Moon Bloodgood today. Totally.
*cough*
I still insist that the cat only waved once, in an obvious dream episode, and should not be taken so damn personally. Then again, I love Spaghetti Cat, so I may be immune.
How about Potatoes of the Dead? Or is that Irish? Then I change it to Fuck All Of The Dead, because that is what Romero seems to be doing to the franchise.
Hmm, I agree with Jerce, neither of these is as bad as that Ramin chick yesterday. Of the Dead just looks silly and stupid, while the Street Figher movie looks like utter crap.
As for the video game adaptations, Mortal Combat was pretty straight forward and actually not all that bad (in a watch with a strong hangover kind of way) while Street Fighter just sucked - with Jean Claude Van Damme leading the suckage (wonder if I spelled that correctly?)
Posted by: psic at January 7, 2009 11:23 AM
Haggis of the Dead
This could also refer to one Mr. Paul Haggis.
Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 11:25 AM
Ho-Down of The Dead gets my vote. If only because Romero has decided to rape his early work with a rusty pitchfork. Call it vigilante justice.
Posted by: ernesto at January 7, 2009 11:27 AM
Now wait a minute! A live action film with Chun Li? I grew up with her and Ken and Guile back in the 90's, and have to admit that I didn't watch any of the other SF adaptations. But I totally rocked that game! Until the day I met some little Asian kid who was 10 years younger than me who was visiting his cousin and didn't speak a word of English but still managed to take ALL of my money on the stupid fucking game. The last time I ever played. The shame still hangs over my head like a dark cloud of misery and despair that I'm sure everyone can see the moment I walk into an arcade now. Fuck Chun Li, fuck SF, I vote it the worst simply for the long standing torment inflicted upon me by a child. Although I still have the hots for her. The only way she could get hotter is if she was a Japanese Porn star. Filming on public transit. Hot.
Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 11:29 AM
Irish Spaghetti Western of the Dead.
Posted by: PaleoLithchick at January 7, 2009 11:42 AM
Spent-More-Money-on-Sound-Effects-Than-Any-Other-Production-Aspect of the Dead
Posted by: boo at January 7, 2009 11:45 AM
Gay Prison Rodeo of the Dead
Posted by: firedmyass at January 7, 2009 11:47 AM
Of the Dead Movie
Posted by: PaleoLithchick at January 7, 2009 11:47 AM
Fievel goes west Of the Dead.
Posted by: Morgagod at January 7, 2009 11:49 AM
"Organic" Farm of the Dead
My love for Moon Bloodgood and a stupid action flick in which stuff needlessly blows up makes me favor that trailer more. Also, the production values were not for shit. The Unresolved Noun of the Dead wins for suckage.
Posted by: Reba at January 7, 2009 11:51 AM
I have to give it to Of the Dead. Romero is knocking off his own movies and that just makes me sad.
Street Fighter is merely blandly terrible, lacking any sort of distinction.
Posted by: Roni at January 7, 2009 11:54 AM
Let me clarify, the only thing that would make that trailer worse is a heartfelt song about the way things used to be.
Oh, crap I shouldn't give him any ideas.
Posted by: Morgagod at January 7, 2009 11:56 AM
Diary of the Dead was pretty good compared to the disaster known as Land of the Dead. At least it had a social commentary angle (the YouTube generation) and overall decent performances. ...Of the Dead (they'll probably insert a full title later) looks interesting. Great job choosing a trailer of a film in production (judging by the giant In Production text during the trailer) to compare against a more polished product. Real fair fight there.
So, for the fact that the Street Fighter movie looks so damn shitty and closer to actually being released, it kind of has to win by default. Which I know won't happen because this site loves to dogpile on mediocre horror. And I've accepted that. Because all modern horror is awful, right guys? Unless it comes from another country and doesn't feature a twist ending, right?
Ha, I just assumed it was. Guess I missed the Scottish part...
Posted by: jamiepants at January 7, 2009 11:57 AM
Oh, and Extraordinary Nutsack of the Dead.
Posted by: jamiepants at January 7, 2009 11:58 AM
Robert's Oddly Personal Grievance of the Dead
Posted by: firedmyass at January 7, 2009 12:03 PM
Mini-div: Find the appropriate noun to fill in the one that Romero couldn't think of.
Nothing really fits at this point, so in keeping with the Western motif I'll go with Unforgivable.
Posted by: Che Grovera at January 7, 2009 12:04 PM
The zombie movie. No contest.
The Zombie movie trumps EVERYTHING. Streetfighter will be a horrible piece of shit. And the Zombie movie will be a shitastic classic with brains.
Posted by: Withnail at January 7, 2009 12:37 PM
I have a theory that when Romero orders Chinese takeout he adds "of the Dead" onto the end of his fortune the way normal people add "in bed" to be clever, or "with children" to be skeezy.
Posted by: stipe42 at January 7, 2009 12:38 PM
Those that know me know I love zombies and would die for Romero. Sorry Lana Lang, you lose.
Posted by: Snath at January 7, 2009 12:53 PM
Just Can't Help Myself; Hadda Make Another Installment of The Dead
Posted by: Rykker at January 7, 2009 12:59 PM
Scent Of The Dead
You've got zombies and cows. If this movie were in smell-O-vision it would be a WMD.
Posted by: MrCreosote at January 7, 2009 1:05 PM
I'll always choose zombies over embarrassingly earnest video game adaptations. Always. Even if they are without a noun.
And now, my submissions:
Old Yeller of the Dead
Grapes of the Dead
Bonanza of the Dead
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers of the Dead
Dead of the Dead
Posted by: Clee Shay at January 7, 2009 1:08 PM
I love Kristin Kreuk as much as Dustin loves Ryan Reynolds. But I can't imagine this movie will be worth seeing. Plus she has done that thing where she stopped eating and she no longer has any meat on her bones. So it might not be worth seeing even if I could manage to block out all of the crap going on around her.
Posted by: Dave at January 7, 2009 1:16 PM
'Scuse me, where is the spinning upside-down-pause and you can see her panties kick? How can they give us Chun Li without it? I don't care how much I love Lana Lane, that is terrible.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 7, 2009 1:34 PM
This Trailer Has Been Removed from YouTube Due To Copyright Issues of the Dead.
Posted by: branded at January 7, 2009 1:39 PM
Hey Dude of the Dead
Posted by: HB at January 7, 2009 1:44 PM
The Ministry of Terrible Zombie Walks of the Dead
Posted by: boo at January 7, 2009 1:45 PM
MCDONOUGH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT? WHICH ONE OF YOU PUT NEAL MCDONOUGH IN THAT STREET MORTAL FIGHTER COMBAT THING?!
I'LL KILL YOU!!!! I'LL KILL YOU AAAALL!!!
Posted by: nadine at January 7, 2009 1:50 PM
Back to the Future of the Dead II: The Quickening of the Dead.
Posted by: Phil at January 7, 2009 1:59 PM
Hottie and the Nottie: The Happening of the Dead
Posted by: boo at January 7, 2009 2:04 PM
GODDAMNIT GEORGE!!!
Don't make me have to break up with you. DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME?!?!?!
Oh, and Street Fighter, in all forms, film or game, eats smelly butt. Chris Klein? Loser. Kristen Kreuk? Completely overrated too-skinny whiner-waif.
Posted by: TK at January 7, 2009 2:07 PM
So I couldn't play the Zombie one because of "copyright protection". Small Mercies? So I made up my own. Circle Jerk of the Dead. Or something. And because it wouldn't play, it gets my vote. Just for being ass.
As for the Legend of Chunk Blow, it's not something I'd hate or love. I'd just watch it for pretty pretty Kristin Kreuk and to to see MCD do a flying scissor kick and land with a resounding "ka flwooom".
Posted by: Odnon at January 7, 2009 2:12 PM
Not watching these!
You can't make me! not this time!
I just came in here to say kudos on the post for this title.
Now I'm singing that in my head. On loop. Hee.
Posted by: figgy at January 7, 2009 2:31 PM
I can't watch the first trailer, but the second one just makes me want to watch the College Humor "Street Fighter: the Later Years" series again. I don't think any adaptation of the game could top that.
Posted by: s. pisaster at January 7, 2009 2:49 PM
I also grew up on Street Fighter, and that trailer just made me laugh. Kristen Kruek couldn't get any blander.
Is that really Neal McDonough? He looks like a sad grandpa.
Posted by: Brie at January 7, 2009 3:40 PM
And Let's Mention the Scrubs quote. New Episodes- Woot
No Janitor- WHa?
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 7, 2009 3:43 PM
Anyone else get weirded out by the Grey's Anatomy lighting? But I think the new eps were way better than last season. Janitor is totally coming back. He has to. Right? He...he HAS TO. RIGHT??!!
"Steak is such a treat. It is the world's BEST MEAT!"
Posted by: HB at January 7, 2009 3:57 PM
The "...Of the Dead" vid was yanked.
Found it over at Dailymotion though. Don't know if this was the same one Dustin posted.
Nor do i know if we can post links in the comments... but for the benefit of the curious and masochistic readers among us, here goes...
Oh, and I'm not watching either trailer.
They're, wait for it, trailer trash.
Posted by: BWeaves at January 7, 2009 4:54 PM
Any video game adaptation automatically sucks, no matter the competition, but ESPECIALLY when the competition is homeboy Romero
That said:
"Brokeback Romero of the Dead"
Posted by: bucdaddy at January 7, 2009 9:12 PM
I have to vote for Street Fighter 'cos the other YouTube video is gone.
Posted by: chenry at January 8, 2009 1:07 PM
I like street fighter, but I think I'll stick to the anime version.
But this still looks fun.
Not sure about the Dragon Ball Z live action one though =___='
Neal McDunnohowtospellhisname pushes Street Fighter over the top for me.