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Steve Buscemi Wants a Piece of Your Pie in Re-cut '50 Shades of Grey' Trailer

By Brian Byrd | Trailers | February 10, 2015 |

By Brian Byrd | Trailers | February 10, 2015 |

What if I told you there exists an alternate version of the cringeworthy 50 Shades of Grey trailer that replaces Jamie Dorman’s Christian Grey character with beloved actor Steve Buscemi? Does that sound like something you might be interested in? It doesn’t? Well, apparently I misjudged my audience. NO ONE MADE A PARODY TRAILER STARRING CAPTAIN AMERICA’S ASS, OK, SO WATCH THIS AND BE GRATEFUL!

Well done, random Internet guy with rudimentary video editing skills and excellent weed. Not all the cuts work but the Mr. Deeds drop is inspired and the trailer ends on a high note. Personally, I would have placed audio of Buscemi saying “Near the In-N-Out burger?” from The Big Lebowski over the scene where Anastasia Steele (THIS IS A CHARACTER’S NAME FROM A BOOK THAT DESTROYED MORE TREES THAN PAUL BUNYAN!) pushes Christian Grey’s head down. Or worked in the following exchange somehow:

Anastasia: “The safe word is Mr. Pink.”
Buscemi: “Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How about if I’m Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me.”

Other egregious Buscemi omissions include:

- “Uh-uh, I don’t tip.” — Reservoir Dogs
- “You know we’re sitting on…a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder?” — Armageddon
- “Where’s the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.” — Reservoir Dogs
- “I am the walrus.” — The Big Lebowski
- “There is no medicine for what I have.” — Con Air

No word on whether the Vermont Teddy Bear Company plans to create a parody fuckbear to accompany the Buscemi version. If so, let’s hope Buscemi’s is bigger than 15 inches. His stuffed toy, you sickos. Jesus.

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