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Today's Straight to DVD Disaster: Snow White: A Deadly Summer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (21)

SnowWhite.png

There are only two Snow White movies coming out next year, and since nature abhors things not happening in threes, then there has to be a straight-to-DVD third alternative. Think Kristen Stewart can’t act her way out of a paper bag? These actors couldn’t act as a paper bag. Here’s Snow White: A Deadly Summer, which has essentially no relation to Snow White other than the fact that the protagonist has dark hair and there’s a mirror involved.

And what’s with the apple in the header picture? I get that it’s supposed to be what someone thinks symbolism is, but really the first thing I thought was that she ought to floss more if her gums bleed that badly when eating an apple.







Oh Eric Roberts, why? I’ve seen you at comic conventions, do we need to buy more autographs? Would you promise to stop if we just paid you to sign more napkins?

I think the bigger question is the persistence of straight-to-DVD movies at all. I don’t mean real film projects that end up sub-par and get dumped that way to possibly earn back a little investment, I mean movies like this that clearly were never intended for anything more. Where is the logic to investing in a production like this? In what world do they foresee getting their investment back?









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Comments

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia ...

Posted by: , at December 8, 2011 10:24 AM

Holy crap! That's Marcia Brady!

That's pretty much all that stands out for me, I've already purged the rest.

Oh wait! Eric Roberts! That's Eric - ahh, I give up...

Posted by: malikvlc at December 8, 2011 10:34 AM

Is there at least copious amounts of nudity? That's the only reason they would waste the time and money associated with producing a dvd.

Posted by: admin at December 8, 2011 10:35 AM

This movie would do better if it was simply more truthful about itself in its title:

Marcia Brady: Serial Killer

Potential Taglines:

It would seem Jan was right all along....
Tiger didn't run away
Cousin Oliver was framed
Don't ask Alice what was in the meatloaf
Johnny Bravo is gonna get it

Posted by: bleujayone at December 8, 2011 10:36 AM

So right about Eric Roberts at comic conventions. Dude is the friendliest, most affable actor I've ever seen. He's rarely behind his booth, usually sitting atop or leaning against it, always ready to take pictures with fans... and he never has anyone in his line. I don't get it, but then, I've never purchased an autograph from him either. Clearly, I'm the problem.

As for DVD-only movies, I'm pretty sure The Asylum makes a profit on their stuff, but they may have a special deal with Netflix & Blockbuster to make that happen. All I know is there are as many Transmorphers as there are Transformers, and it's really an apples/oranges as to which series is better.

Posted by: RobP at December 8, 2011 10:51 AM

Anybody who speaks ill of Transmorphers gets a boot to the dick.

Posted by: TK at December 8, 2011 10:57 AM

Good thing I invested in an adamantium codpiece, then!

Posted by: RobP at December 8, 2011 10:59 AM

Does that mean it goes *snkt* when you get excited?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at December 8, 2011 11:25 AM

So who can save us from this murdering rampage?

For that we turn our hopes towards another sit-com about a blended family.

That's right.

Sasha Mitchell, your country needs you and your kosher Tae Kwan Do. Fire up the Cody Van and spring into action!

Posted by: bleujayone at December 8, 2011 11:49 AM

Are we really that surprised Eric Roberts is in a B-movie?

Posted by: Matt at December 8, 2011 12:07 PM

Socrates for the win.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 8, 2011 12:13 PM

I don’t mean real film projects that end up sub-par and get dumped that way to possibly earn back a little investment, I mean movies like this that clearly were never intended for anything more.

Hey! It stars Eric Roberts and Maureen McCormick; CLEARLY they thought they were going to rock the box office. They must be so surprised it got shunted to DVD.

This is hilarious: the first thing I thought was that she ought to floss more if her gums bleed that badly when eating an apple. Gingivitis kills.

Posted by: Edith at December 8, 2011 12:55 PM

Is it common now for movie trailers to give the whole plot away? That was crazy.

Posted by: snapnhiss at December 8, 2011 2:44 PM

Yes. Yes, it is.

Posted by: , at December 8, 2011 2:48 PM

Also, anyone with an adamantium codpiece should be immediately required to rechristen their wang the Wolverpeen.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at December 8, 2011 2:57 PM

And the funny part is, I can't tell this apart from the other 2 Snow White movies coming out this season.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 8, 2011 3:01 PM

Speaking of terrible movies, I keep getting the Ad from Netflix popping up on Pajiba announcing Season of the Witch is now available. It's like they are trying to persuade me to cancel my Netflix account....

You would think they would do a little research into a site that they are displaying ads on.

Posted by: Hip & Cool User Name at December 8, 2011 3:11 PM

Both your assertion and assumption are correct, Socrates. He's the best there is at what he does, and what he doesn't isn't very nice.*


*Also, he probably isn't the best there is...

Posted by: RobP at December 8, 2011 4:04 PM

The bitchy blonde girl from the trailer dies...it's guaranteed.

Posted by: stryker1121 at December 10, 2011 11:55 AM

I'm surprised you are unaware that some films are made expressly for the purposes of losing money. Investors claim tax breaks and write off their losses and end up making money by losing money on a film investment.

Strange but true.

The problems come when the tax dept realize they've made a boo boo and retrospectively disallow the tax breaks mid way thru the production. In my fathers case he had invested his money (against my advice), lost it, and then gained no tax break.

Posted by: Nick at December 12, 2011 10:44 PM

ok, I think making a comment on something that hasn't been seen yet is jumping the gun.

Posted by: Janelle at January 19, 2012 12:36 AM