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Santa Claus Will Straight-Up Murder Your Sh!t

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (15)

zombie-santa.jpg

I admit it. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love presents, the whole family thing, decorating trees, and demon incarnations of Santa Claus that conduct wholesale butchery of children. I mean, I know I’m not alone in that, right?

Right?

Shit.

Anyway, the “bloody massacre during the holidays” genre has been sorely lacking since the days of Silent Night, Deadly Night (Santa’s Slay and . Well thankfully, those wacky Dutch have found a way to fill that hole, with the upcoming Sint, synopsized thusly:

“Saint Nicholas is not the good-hearted children’s friend as people think he is. In reality he is a cruel bloodthirsty bishop who, whenever there’s a full moon on December 5, will try to slaughter as many children as possible.”

And you know what? I’m kind of digging the trailer (even though the subs aren’t great and sometimes kind of hard to read). But I like the atmosphere, the teen-sex-gets-you-killed vibe that feels like an 80’s throwback, the whole bit. It’s directed by Dick Maas, who has an awesome name and is apparently some sort of master of shlocky horror flicks over in the Netherlands (my personal favorite title of his is definitely Amsterdamned). It’s probably going to be terrible. I don’t care. I’m watching it. Here’s the trailer.

I fucking love it. I think we should show it to all children and tell them this is what will happen if they don’t shut the fuck up and sit still.

I’m going to be a wonderful father someday.

(source: Bloody Disgusting)

Interestingly, this isn’t the only “evil Santa” movie coming out this year. We’ve also go Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, which looks equally ridiculous and awesome:

(source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

Looks funny!

He's actually not a bad film maker.

Posted by: Magiel at September 28, 2010 11:05 AM

I will be damned if I know what is going on in either of those trailers, but GODDAMN they look awesome!!!!

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 28, 2010 11:23 AM

Wow. Santa's a real motherfucker this year. Is motherfucker one word or two?

Posted by: Danielle Lilly at September 28, 2010 11:34 AM

Santa's Slay kicked ass. Damn that was a fun movie. Not sure about this one, Big Brother won't let me watch right now.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 28, 2010 11:40 AM

I'm still hoping someone can top Christmas Evil on the tug at your heartstrings factor, and on that criteria I must pledge my allegiance to Rare Exports. Sint looks good in the goofy idiotic body count way, but Rare Exports seems to be taking more risks in its presentation.

Posted by: Robert at September 28, 2010 12:09 PM

Simpsons, er, Futurama did it!

Posted by: trippdup at September 28, 2010 12:41 PM

Wait ... so they're showing trailers to get to the trailers now?

Anyway, I bet my Rudolph sequel to "The Thing" gets made some day. Soon.
+++
(my personal favorite title of his is definitely Amsterdamned).
---
OK, it's an old one, but:

Teacher: Who can use "Rotterdam" in a sentence?

Dirty Johnny: My sister stole my candy bar and I hope it'll Rotterdam teeth out.

Posted by: , at September 28, 2010 12:54 PM

My view of a Dutch Christmas has been forever twisted by David Sedaris - Six to eight black men (Starts about 20 seconds in.)

Posted by: Simon at September 28, 2010 1:29 PM

Those look awesome. OH so much fun! Esp. the first one. And I really loved Santa Slay. I love this whole Santa as killer thing. True hilarity!

Posted by: Chickaboom at September 28, 2010 1:34 PM

Oh man, I have to virtually hi-five Simon for his Sedaris reference, because when I read this post I, too, immediately thought, "Santa didn't use to do anything".

Heh heh.

"Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared."

Posted by: bostonadrianne at September 28, 2010 1:54 PM

Does the Bishop have sex with the kids before killing them? Nevermind, that part has probably already been covered up.

Posted by: Smokey at September 28, 2010 2:09 PM

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 will never be surpassed, as "GARBAGE DAY!" is the pinnacle of cinematic dialogue.

Posted by: Parker Jammstein at September 28, 2010 2:24 PM

Virtual hi-five back at you, bostonadrianne.

Once you've read that story, it's pretty hard to forget. And once I had heard David reading it on the radio, it was in my head for good!

++++++++++++

"Helpers," I said. "Does he have any elves?"

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I couldnt help but feel personally insulted when Oscar denounced the very idea as grotesque and unrealistic. "Elves," he said. "They are just so silly."

The words were redefined when I learned that Saint Nicolas travels with what was consistently described as six to eight black men. I asked several Dutch people to narrow it down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always six to eight, which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds of years to get an accurate head count.

Posted by: Simon at September 28, 2010 4:53 PM

Oops. Messed up my Italic tags there...

Posted by: Simon at September 28, 2010 4:54 PM

damn, my adblocker refuses to believe the first trailer is something i want to see, but the second one was great. all this eery tension and slaughtered animals and scared folk trying to catch the monster, and then, "we've got santa". That just made my whole fucking day, thank you Pajiba!

Posted by: idleprimate at September 28, 2010 6:46 PM