Season of the Witch has an interesting etymology as a title, since it will be the third completely unrelated film with that name (a George Romero flick and Halloween III also share the title). There is also a song by Donovan called “Season of the Witch” and a novel of the same name about 1960s runaways in New York City. Needless to say, the Nic Cage effort doesn’t look like it’ll be the one finally to lay permanent claim to the title in cultural consciousness.
Really, for the entire trailer I was sort of rooting for the witch. I mean, she’s just locked up in that cage for no discernible reason other than that she glares at people. Judgmental much? If somebody locked me in a cage outside in the middle of winter and I had supernatural powers, I’d be summoning wolves and lighting fires too. The press release mumbo jumbo says that the witch caused the bubonic plague and that’s why they’re taking her to an ancient monastery so that monks can do magic and such that will fix the plague. Oh, so they can do magic, but the woman does it and it’s all “she killed half of Europe!”
Fantasy fiction doesn’t have to be historically accurate per se, hence the “fantasy” in the genre name, but that doesn’t excuse it for just being shitballs retarded. A witch didn’t cause the black death, a disease did. Color my disbelief unsuspended.
I gotta say, the witch seems pretty kickass. I could probably suspend my own disbelief better if the lead were someone other than Nic Cage. With him it just looks like a groaner.
I wonder if this will be coming out by year's end...I'd hate to skip a month without seeing Nic Cage in a new movie. Always a must to see what hairstyle he'll be modeling...
Posted by: Ducky at November 23, 2009 10:04 AM
Well done, Jay.
I think that Season of The Witch could use more bees.
So she can affect the weather and manipulate microscopic bacteria and whatnot, but she can't break out of a metal cage? I hate lazy movie devices like that. "Oh, she can't escape the cage because of it's amazing anti-witch properties," or some such nonsense. Whatever. I'd rather she be runnin' loose on the countryside, witchin' motherfuckers from the bushes. Meanwhile, Valley Boy and One try to save the shitty people of the middle ages. Sounds like a real hoot.
Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2009 10:35 AM
I wish of Nic Cage would pull a Steven Segal in Executive Decision and just die in the first 10 mins of a movie.... I'd buy that one, just so I could rewind it again & again..
Posted by: Ted at November 23, 2009 10:36 AM
I'm almost to the point where I'll watch Ron Perlman in anything.
Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 23, 2009 10:57 AM
Wow. (And I don't mean, "Wow!" I mean, ".....wow."}
That looks AWFUL.
I wonder which producer said, "GodDAMN this man can't act. Quick! Get him some extensions!"
And I don't care if Ron Perlman is in it. He's proven that he can be in some pretty bad movies, folks. (Let us not forget Alien Resurrection.)
Most pressing question: if this fucking witch is so all-powerful, why did it take her so damn long to get out of her cage? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Posted by: Tira at November 23, 2009 10:58 AM
Tira, Keep in mind Dark Ages logic. We're talking about people who would throw women in ponds to determine if they were witches. The lucky ones drowned.
Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 23, 2009 11:14 AM
The otheres, since they were made of wood, were used as a renewable source of fuel.
Posted by: Four Eyes at November 23, 2009 11:32 AM
Snipey Bastard but your forgiven.
Shitballs Retarded is as acurate description of any action flick cursed with Nicholas Cage. The moment Perlman comes on screen in robes I thought of The name of the rose. Perlman could have done this movie all dark and moody on his own. Its a flippen Cage/Hollywood movie, of course it will be over the top. Just give it time and we'll have Shia starring in something similar in ooh say 30 years time about a Vatican priest who started swine flu just as a final solution to the Middle East.
Posted by: Bob at November 23, 2009 11:35 AM
If this is following suit of most other medieval type stories, then the witch should be weak or powerless against cold iron, right? So the cage should work just fine to hold her.
Posted by: RandomSelection at November 23, 2009 11:46 AM
oh, dude. This is like when they cast Richard Gere as motherfucking LANCELOT. It MUST be a joke.
The ultimate twist is that the witch has his lucky crack pipe. Time displacing narc bitch.
Posted by: D-Day at November 23, 2009 12:31 PM
My question is - how did they get the witch into the cage in the first place? Did they lure her in by pouring a pile of yummy witchseed on the floor?
Nic Cage: Pay to See This Movie so I Don't End Up Like Wesley Snipes
Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 23, 2009 12:39 PM
"I'd rather she be runnin' loose on the countryside, witchin' motherfuckers from the bushes."
Brilliant!
Posted by: Chickaboom at November 23, 2009 1:45 PM
Not to be all logicky up in here, but if the iron cage keeps her from escaping, why does she hang all over it? How can she summon wolves and fire? And, most obvious of all, why don't they just spike a bitch while she's caged?
Also, "Not if I can help it." What kind of medieval promise is that? Not a godddamned "my liege" or "God's servant"? Fuck, I'd take "By the power of Greyskull, this bitch is toast!" because at least that would be humorous.
Also, also: no one should ever say "are you afraid?" in a movie again, because Viggo Mortensen nailed that and everyone else just seems lame by comparison.
Lastly, enough with the pentacles already, upside down otherwise. It does not mean what you think it means.
Posted by: Reba at November 23, 2009 2:02 PM
Reba,
You mean "pentacles" doesn't mean "five testicles?"
*amends wording of #34 on Bucket List*
Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2009 2:55 PM
Color my disbelief unsuspended.
Nice. Sounds almost liks a Saturday night that didn't quite go as well as hoped. I'll be stealing that - er - an homage. I'll be homaging that.
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 23, 2009 2:59 PM
A witch didn’t cause the black death, a disease did.
Well this is supposed to be the Middle/Dark Ages. I mean, they really didn't know about germs and bacteria and the like. Plus, back then, women ruined everything. They were always cursing shit.
Not like now, when they mainly ruin box office records and movie websites.
/totally kidding, Paheeba
/don't punish me
/okay, punish me a little
And my contribution to the Nic Cage diversion:
Nic Cage: I Wanted To Fuck Elvis, And All I Got Was His Crazy Daughter.
It looks like stupid fun, but I think they gave away what should've been a major plot twist. I feel like I already got the "watching out of the corner of my eye while I make dinner" experience just from the trailer.
Posted by: s. pisaster at November 23, 2009 4:32 PM
I thought is was because the Jews poisoned the wells. Wait--that's the Mel Gibson script.
Posted by: legaleagle at November 23, 2009 5:00 PM
So I am totes on the witch's side in this preview! Toying with all the self-righteous Catholic dudes who think you're super-evil? Summoning wolves to eat some woman-hating douchebastards who've locked you in a cage? Mummifying a bunch of monks? I think I could watch all but the last 20 minutes of this and have a pretty good time.
I can only dream that it ends with her offing Cage ("Not if I can help it"? WTF?), and riding off into the sunset with Ron Perlman. Or on Ron Perlman.
Posted by: lizzie (greeneyed fem) at November 23, 2009 10:34 PM
Oh, so they can do magic, but the woman does it and it’s all “she killed half of Europe!”
Strange but true--Medieval clergy did cast spells and draw up potions for the people. It's a popular argument for the "real" reason why they went after any laity who claimed the same powers.
So, it looks like the accuracy ratio in this movie is 1:999,999,999. Nicholas Cage must be getting better at choosing his scripts.
Looks like a fun flick, i'll go watch it.