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Nicolas Cage Battles Witches, Hairstylists, And Narcolepsy

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (13)

Season_of_the_Witch.jpg

I don’t mean the movie, I mean the trailer.

Season Of The Witch, despite having a decent cast (including Nicolas Cage, Christopher Lee, and Ron Perlman) has been sitting on the shelf for nearly a year already. We showed the first trailer way back in November of 2009, and it still hasn’t been released. Instead, we’ve got the new, full trailer for you today. The film involves Nicolas Cage as a knight of some sort (!), who is charged with delivering a woman accused of being a witch to some religious folks and then she djklvb/.fgfdph,gsdkj=-4054ujmklgh…..

What happened? I think I blacked out.

Look, I’m just going to call it now: Season Of The Witch is not going to be good. In fact, I’m fairly certain it’s going to be quite bad. Worse than Solomon Kane, which looked very similar in style, and was a terrible movie. The trailer for Season Of The Witch is so brutally dull that I only made it 1 minute and 15 seconds in. I’m not going to bother watching how it ends, so by all means, let me know if it got better.

Or don’t. I really don’t give a shit. Season Of The Witch now has a release date as well, in the midst of the cinematic dumping grounds for the worst movies of the year — yes, January 7th. This is not a good sign. Who will review it, you ask?

[quietly backs out of room]

[gets in car]

[drives the fuck away with a cloud of dust in his wake]









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Comments

"Witchin' motherfuckers from the bushes"

Posted by: Jay at November 15, 2010 10:51 AM

On the plus side it does feature Robert Sheehan from Misfits and Ron Perlman!

Also, I didn't dislike Solomon Kane. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either.

Posted by: Simon at November 15, 2010 10:57 AM

Thanks for the shout-out, Jay.

This movie won't just be terrible. It will be, to quote Mr. Charles Barley, turrrible. I'm pretty sure I had a bowel movement on Saturday that had more twists and turns than this cinematic jizz sock.

Posted by: Kballs at November 15, 2010 11:09 AM

I watched to the end.

"We're gonna need more holy water."

I feel dirty.

Posted by: curegirl0421 at November 15, 2010 11:10 AM

SEASON OF THE WITCH IS GOING TO BE BADASS Y'ALL! Fuck TK and his hating ass!. In fact SCREW ANYONE who says sh*t about this movie!! I'm gonna burn this motherfuka down, King Kong aint got.... ARGHH!

[violent background struggles]

Sorry folks, that was my insane brother, escaped from his room. Please forgive his rants. He's being that way ever since he decided to see The Honeymooners and Disaster Movie back to back. He Once again I apologize and he full of tranquilizers again. Peace y'all

Posted by: danger_mouse at November 15, 2010 11:18 AM

"We're going to need more holy water."

AhAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!

Aw, TK, you missed the best part.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 15, 2010 11:26 AM

Witches, Hairstylists and Narcolepsy was my favourite book growing up. Little Julien loves it too, especially the interactive holy water feature.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 15, 2010 12:16 PM

I would have preferred if the trailer had used the "season of the witch" song by Donovan (had it look it up), I think things would have improved two-fold!

Posted by: e at November 15, 2010 2:22 PM

Is "We're gonna need more holy water." the new "We're gonna need a bigger boat." or "I'm gonna need a bigger drill."?

Posted by: JustBill at November 15, 2010 2:49 PM

I'm truly shocked Nic Cage has yet to appear in a Uwe Boll movie. Considering Nic's tendancy to do anything put in front of him ("the bees!"), that would be the first film of his I'd willingly see since "Adaptation."

Posted by: Scott at November 15, 2010 4:11 PM

We're going to need more holy water.

Someone already quoted it, but wow. That line. Is. AWESOME!

Seriously though. Can someone explain to me the appeal of Nicholas Cage? I just don't get it. Honestly. I'm stumped.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at November 15, 2010 4:43 PM

"LET'S FINISH THIS!!!"

I agree.

Posted by: Adam at November 15, 2010 5:35 PM

Take a closer glimpse at Nicolas Cage in 'Season of the Witch' with 3 new images. http://bit.ly/ejbIV2

Posted by: april at December 1, 2010 3:38 PM