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Sean Connery Wants That Beaver

By | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (23)

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Before I explain the title, there is a quick story about Cars 2. It will be directed by John Lasseter, the same guy who did Toy Story, Toy Story 2, and the original Cars. In addition to directing duties, he was brought in to fix a few troubles that they’ve had with the script. If anyone out there is hoping that Pixar will fail, this might be your big chance.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way — Good News Everyone! Sean Connery is returning to movies for the animated film Sir Billi. It’s being made by what I assume is Scotland’s answer to Pixar, Glascowanimation. Here’s the trailer.

So apparently Sir Billi is half Carl Friedricksen, half Poochie. Well no, that might be watchable.

Instead we get this creepy-ass animation and what sounds like a half asleep James Bond. This is supposed to be the “sizzle” reel. This is the best it’s going to get.

It’s obviously terrible, yes. But here’s an interesting intellectual exercise. Sean Connery’s last film was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. That should’ve been the worst movie of his career. Is it possible that this could be worse?

Sir Billi features talking goats (Alan Cummings as the talking goat!). But LXG shit on some incredible source material. Sir Billi is trying to save a beaver. But LXG shoe-horned in Tom Sawyer for… why?

So tell me, what shits on Sean Connery’s career worse?

Zardoz doesn’t count because it’s awesome.

(via Slashfilm and Cartoon Brew)









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Comments

RIP, Sean Connery's career.

Posted by: The Wanderer at June 24, 2010 6:40 PM

Any minute now, I'm expecting to be back in college and an sophomore animation major is going to turn to me and say, "What do you think? Be honest."
And I'll know for sure that I'm in college and not dreaming because I'm wearing only my underwear.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at June 24, 2010 6:47 PM

The first Cars was a bore, so bringing in Lasseter doesn't do much for me.

Posted by: James S at June 24, 2010 6:48 PM

Sean Connery’s last film was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. That should’ve been the worst movie of his career.

Apparently you haven't seen Highlander 2: The Quickening, Rhyme. Barf.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at June 24, 2010 6:53 PM

Oh, God.

That is the worst thing I've seen since...No, that is the worst fucking thing I've ever seen.

Posted by: Jerce at June 24, 2010 7:30 PM

Connery's career ended circa 1992 when he starred in that piece of shit mysogynistic, Amazon jungle adventure called "Medicine Man".

Posted by: Neo at June 24, 2010 7:31 PM

I'm at a loss for eloquence: Holy fuck, that was lemon juice in my eyes, I couldn't watch the whole trailer.

I don't understand why folk try and make CGI animated films if they dont have the budget. you can make great cartoons without the dough. some of the best animated films were made on a shoestring with some used bubblegum. credit card budgets for CGI, though, and you get shit that is not only ugly, but hard on the eyes and discomfiting.

I'm not opposed to cgi, or blends, there is some beautiful stuff out there, lots of it draped over nice stories too, but i have watched too many cgi animes, especially from european countries that would have been charming animated films and instead are atrocious cgi films. its like there must be grants or tax breaks for the computer shit.

Posted by: idleprimate at June 24, 2010 8:21 PM

If you close your eyes, it's comedy gold just based on the narrator alone.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at June 24, 2010 8:51 PM

"but i have watched too many cgi animes, especially from european countries"
Anime is by definition Japanese animation retard.

Posted by: Jack Random at June 24, 2010 9:02 PM

There's gonna be a Cars 2? Why? That was hands-down the worst Pixar film. They can't be in it for the money, right? Aren't they above that stuff?

/Pollyanna

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 24, 2010 9:09 PM

Jack, holy vitriol! I watch and enjoy anime from japan, and am familiar with the convention of using the term anime to refer specifically to animation from a single country in the entire world. but back in the day, the term was japanime, referring to anime from japan. I didn't think anyone would shit a razor blade over the term. I happen to like the word, thinking it to bring some panache to the medium no matter what the country of origin is.

I don't know if you actually watch animation, but we are in a golden age, and yet there are a lot of craptastic cgi films coming out of europe, that might have been much better in traditional drawn animation. call them whatever you like and save your pet label for japan's orgy of great animation.

sheesh.

Posted by: idleprimate at June 24, 2010 9:17 PM

... I'm sorry, I thought I heard my name.

Beav out!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 24, 2010 9:35 PM

btw, i looked up the word anime, just to see where its origins lie. the french use it to refer to animation, or cartoons, if you wan't to simplify.

And interestingly enough, the japanese use it to refer to animation, or cartoons if you like. so if you are ever in Japan, and raising some self righteous argument in a bar about anime, they may inform you that they mean animation from anywhere.

which is my roundabout way of saying, given a few minutes reflection, i feel even snarkier about your outrage.

perhaps you are just trolling. troll away, we are scathing here.

though I do always enjoy etymological pursuits, so the whole thing wasn't a waste.

Posted by: idleprimate at June 24, 2010 9:38 PM

Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I think I would have just been slightly peeved by that.
But as it was pointed out, that WAS supposed to be the best parts.

I am more than slightly peeved, Pajibans.
I am straight up angry. Fuck you, Sean Connery.
I can't respect you if you keep doing crazy shit like this.

Posted by: A-schaef at June 24, 2010 9:59 PM

don't blame mr. bond, he is likely senile and they pump him full of drugs to get him to read. they whisk out of the room and he is none the wiser.

Posted by: idleprimate at June 24, 2010 10:06 PM

Wow, that CGI is worse than the Barbie movies. I really didn't think that was possible.

At some point someone has to say, "You know maybe we should go back to 2D drawing, it would be a better use of the budget."

Posted by: DoubleH at June 24, 2010 10:08 PM

gee, what was i saying earlier?

Posted by: idleprimate at June 25, 2010 1:14 AM

That was horrible, i mean i was not prepared for that mess.
Why did he go into hiding so long only to reappear in that fucking nightmare?

Posted by: gilp at June 25, 2010 1:46 AM

"Can this octogenarian ... and his goat save the day?"

O_O

AH-MAY-ZINGGGG. I hope it crosses into "so bad it's good" territory.

Posted by: Mick J at June 25, 2010 2:29 AM

Gah! I'd rather watch Human Centipede.

Posted by: Bates at June 25, 2010 9:28 AM

Sir Billi Goatse.

Your welcome.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 25, 2010 10:39 AM

MelBiv,

You must not be a parent. If you've ever seen all the merchandising from the first Cars and how crazy kids are for smiling, talking cars, you're only surprised it's taken them this long.

And God bless Pixar. Parents who buy a kid movie will have to watch it at least twenty times, and Cars and their other movies will not drive you insane on the 20th viewing, whereas my wife and I only got through the first seven minutes of the first Ice Age before sealing it back in its envelope and sending it off to Netflix. If I had to watch that shit as much as I've watched Cars, well, let's just say they wouldn't take me alive.

Posted by: Pete Ross at June 26, 2010 4:06 PM

Maybe he's still stuck in League mode. He already admitted he didn't get it, and that was why he'd turned down the part in the Matrix. I guess he's hoping one project he doesn't get will be a hit.

Posted by: Nicolae at June 27, 2010 8:55 AM