Remember a few weeks ago, when I presented to you the 30-second teaser trailer for S. Darko, the sequel to Donnie Darko? And remember how there was very little footage from the actual sequel, and you couldn’t really tell what was going on? Well, now the full-length new trailer for S. Darko is out, and guess what? You still can’t tell what the fuck is going on. It’s completely nonsensical, although it does feature Elizabeth “Dancing Ain’t Fucking” Berkley and a woman in a American flag bikini jumping on a trampoline. Jimmy Kimmel is gonna love it. Everyone else: Not so much.
Hang on to your brain, folks. It may attempt to escape while watching the trailer. They’re fast little buggers, too. Last week, I lost mine way out in the water. See it swimming?
S. Darko? More like S. I Wish This Movie Got Eaten By A Sharko!
I MEAN RIGHT????
Posted by: Lucas at February 24, 2009 10:35 AM
Floating feathers? Guy in a white t-shirt a-la James Dean? Freaky shit? Longing stares into the distance? American flag? Small town people? Lots of hype?
Wait....did George Foreman just sell that girl a magical flower? Damn, that grill is fantastic!
Posted by: admin at February 24, 2009 10:43 AM
I meant feather. See this thing has got me all kinds of screwy.
Nice to "see" you Sofia.
Posted by: admin at February 24, 2009 10:46 AM
Oh, this looks really funny! I can't wait. I think they could have shown a bit more of that bullshit worm-bowels-as-time-tunnel special effect, though; I didn't get enough of that.
The "S" stands for the same thing it does in the famous review of "Shark Sandwich," right?
Posted by: Armando at February 24, 2009 10:49 AM
So just in the trailer, this movie rapes not only Donnie Darko, but (in rough order) The Abyss, Deep Impact, Poltergeist, Forrest Gump, The X-Files, Gas, Food & Lodging, U-Turn, The Forgotten, Jumper, Armageddon, Sunset Boulevard, Hellboy and Stargate.
This isn't a movie, it a drunken Wednesday night session of cinematic "Mad Libs" brought to life. You could have pieced together something more coherent if you tossed darts randomly inside a Blockbuster Video while blindfolded.
Posted by: bleujayone at February 24, 2009 11:04 AM
Oh those crazy Darko kids. Always getting stuck in pocket universes that turn out to be both the cause of and solution to mind-boggling time paradoxes.
Personally, I blame the parents.
Posted by: Macafee at February 24, 2009 11:14 AM
Holy shit, this is ridiculously offensive.
It's a horror movie now? Something evil is at work? Did they even fucking watch Donnie Darko? This completely misses the WHOLE DAMN POINT! You can't just fucking toss some glowy tube-y things and a rabbit costume and a countdown into a horror flick and call it a fucking SEQUEL!!!! WTF OMG you fucking bastards what the fucka;ldkfjaopweirhapwoeirja pweoirjaperijawer
;alksjd,...................*primal scream, followed by deep breath*
Anyway, I'm not going to see this.
Posted by: tt_marie at February 24, 2009 11:15 AM
Donnie Darko was one of the first Netflix movies I got. One of the first movies that would never be in theaters by me so I had to seek it out. It was probably recommended by Pajiba.
It opened up a whole new way of watching movies for me. Movies that my parents would have no interest in. I always sneak the occasional "indie" film in with the rest and watch it in my room without them.
I feel like this movie is a cheap parody. "Donnie Darko Movie", if you will. Just a slap in the face to a film I nostalgically love.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 24, 2009 11:30 AM
Here's a thought:
How about these fuckers STOP remaking movies that have already been made? Huh? How about somebody have some semblance of an original thought? Wacky concept, right? Yeah, that's just crazy talk. Because that would require actual talent, and some hard work to boot! And who has time for that shit!? There's a RECESSION going on, so apparently we're just concerned about making a buck!!! Fuck art!
...at least it's nice to see that the Water Snake from The Abyss is getting some work again...
Posted by: Skitz at February 24, 2009 11:51 AM
S. Darko: The X-Men Apocalypse; The Rewreckoning.
Posted by: Sweetie Dahling at February 24, 2009 12:07 PM
God dammit.
Posted by: AudioSuede at February 24, 2009 12:28 PM
Dustin, my man, you're all growed up! Congratulations.
Oh and the man crushes finally make sense.
Posted by: Cindy at February 24, 2009 12:35 PM
yuck.
I'm just going to keep pretending this monstrosity never happened.
Posted by: battgirl at February 24, 2009 1:27 PM
A sequel to Donny Darko?
Does this mean Hollywood will accept my script for Godfather IV: The Zombie Michael?
Posted by: George at February 24, 2009 2:27 PM
...Wasn't the whole point of the countdown in the first movie a device to show when the portal would open back up?
So...the world is actually going to end this time?
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at February 24, 2009 2:45 PM
I don't know, Alli. I think I'm the only person who hasn't even seen it. But I like my space-time fuckery to be British or made in a warehouse in Minneapolis, so it was probably never gonna suit me.
Did she just pull a DILDO out of the television????
Posted by: meh at February 24, 2009 5:09 PM
FUCK
This is going to suck.
Posted by: krza at February 24, 2009 6:24 PM
I don't know. On one hand, that trailer triggered the right buttons in me. On the other hand, it can't be as good as Donnie Darko.
Crapfuck. Now I have to watch it, just to know if I'm right.
Posted by: FabMax at February 24, 2009 7:39 PM
Nothing answers the question, 'Are we bad people?' more succinctly than a viscous head butt.
Posted by: Lindsay at February 24, 2009 7:48 PM
Is that little Rhonda Volmer in the preview?
Posted by: superEdna at February 24, 2009 8:27 PM
I thought she pulled a corndog out of the screen. Huh. Now I might have to see it to find out what that wa.... no.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at February 24, 2009 8:35 PM
Melissa - that was definitely Chuck Bass, in all his glory.
Posted by: leheather at February 24, 2009 10:08 PM
i watched it. twice.
i saw no commitment to sparklemotion.
Posted by: guiltypartner at February 24, 2009 11:30 PM
I'm hugely biased against it. What I cannot figure out is if I would be intrigued if it weren't riding Donnie Darko's coattails.
Posted by: Amanda at February 25, 2009 1:39 AM
this looks like as drastic a sequal as BATMAN and BATMAN RETURNS. but this one SUCKS.
this is horrible.
Posted by: dank o at February 25, 2009 2:20 AM
That was indeed Chuck Bass! Looking very lean and with a little scruff on his face. Westwick is talented, so I hope some better movies come his way.
This looks horrible, but I'll probably watch it, just like I watched the Lost Boys sequel. Can't resist a trainwreck.
Posted by: lucy at February 25, 2009 8:40 AM
Great title, Dustin. Hahahah.
Posted by: ph at February 25, 2009 1:12 PM
S. darko = no
Posted by: pimpsteak at February 26, 2009 3:46 AM
I love tennis shoes.
Posted by: snaggletooth at March 6, 2009 2:44 PM
I love tennis shoes.
Posted by: snaggletooth at March 6, 2009 2:45 PM
Lol... diehard fans are amusing. It's a standalone sequel people... if it sucks, then it sucks on it's own.
I'm not saying I think it'll be great, but much like Screamers: The Hunting I have to reserve judgement until I can actually watch it. Any other response is downright special ed material... and I'm kind of shocked that all I see is the atypical "that's gonna suck no matter what" pessimism.
Just remember that for every Lawnmower Man 2, there's an Aliens... sometimes new blood makes for an interesting take on the original material. Sometimes it makes for a spectacular train wreck. Either way, it's entertainment.
No.