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She'll Sex You Up. And Eat Old People's Medicine

Hara Kiri Eye Skewering Lingerie Wearing Robot Prostitute / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | July 6, 2009 | Comments (34)

It’s way to soon in the week to be rolling out this number, a movie about a geisha. But not just any geisha. Sure, she’s pretty; she’s wild; and she dances, but she also has a sword that shoots out of her ass; she stabs men in the eyes with fried shrimp; she has a chainsaw mouth; she transforms into a car; she scalds people with her breast milk; and, presumably, she eats old people’s medicine.

She is Robo-Geisha, and besides the phenomenal trailer, the best marketing tool for this movie may actually be in iMDB’s plot keywords. Check this out:

Pink Bra And Panties
Decapitation
Lactic Acid
Geisha
Shrimp
Robot Woman
Hand To Hand Combat
Robot Vs. Robot
Black Panties
Handgun
Schoolgirl Uniform
Missile
Acid In Face
Wheelchair
Red Lingerie
Dance
Buzzsaw
Katana
Eye Skewering
Garter
Army
Ass
Assassin
Machine Gun
Lingerie
Nurse Uniform
Combat
Black Bra And Panties
Assassination Team
Black Stockings
Samurai
Robot Ninja
Hara Kiri
Robot Army
Phallus
Ninja
Lactation
Bra And Panties
Transforming Robot
Android
Breast Milk
Black Lingerie
Stockings
Fishnet Stockings
Acid Attack
Sword Fight
Martial Arts
Red Bra And Panties
Building
Red Bra
Acid
White Panties
Robot
Kimono
Gynoid

Yeah. You’re going to want to see this. Preferably while very, very intoxicated. And perhaps while hanging upside down for the full effect:


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Comments

will this come in a viewmaster format as well?

Posted by: gem at July 6, 2009 10:57 AM

I need a unit to sample and hold
But not the angry one a new design, new design.
---
You had me at "pink bra and panties."
---
This reminds me, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" was in the video store yesterday too, and I felt my hand disconnect from my brain and start reaching ... reaching ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 6, 2009 11:04 AM

Oh. My. God.

Posted by: Meander at July 6, 2009 11:16 AM

"Robot ninja" has got to be the greatest combination of words in the history of the English language.

Posted by: Todd at July 6, 2009 11:17 AM

"Geisha Army! Geisha Assassin! Fried Shrimp!"

Wait, what?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 6, 2009 11:18 AM

I love Japan, but...

WTF???????????

Posted by: OldSchool60 at July 6, 2009 11:20 AM

I'm going to talk like that voice-over all day.

Posted by: ahamos at July 6, 2009 11:21 AM

I repeat...

WTF??????????

Posted by: OldSchool60 at July 6, 2009 11:23 AM

Wow, that was great. I loved the shrimp in the eyes. Maybe the Robo-Geshia will be lika a samurai and be for hire, we could use the Geisha transformer in lieu of the Murdertank and send it to Bay's and McG's homes to cover our tracks.

Posted by: richmac at July 6, 2009 11:23 AM

I love the tiny ninja hiding inside the Robo Geisha. Can't get enough mini-ninja action!

Posted by: Snath at July 6, 2009 11:30 AM

Magnificent.

Posted by: admin at July 6, 2009 11:33 AM

I think scalding projectile breast milk should be featured in every action movie from now on.

Posted by: Jerce at July 6, 2009 11:43 AM

The voiceover makes this sound like the first mumblecore action movie. I will watch this though, because who hasn't longed to jam fried shrimp into someone's eyes?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 6, 2009 11:49 AM

I see this is based on the original "My Dreams after a night of salvia and Indian Food".

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 6, 2009 11:50 AM

"Fried Shrimp! Handicap Gun!"

I have to see this movie. I've actually seen the other two movies referenced in the trailer, The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police - trust me, if you want brain-meltingly illogical, eyeball-frying lunacy, you can't do much better.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at July 6, 2009 11:53 AM

So...even the buildings bleed in Japan?

That narrator's voice made me feel like I had wax in my ears. I kept wanting to jam a Q-tip in there.

Posted by: DeadBessie at July 6, 2009 11:58 AM

So...even the buildings bleed in Japan?

DeadBessie, that was my question too. (Actually, more correctly, it was "Did those buildings just start erupting geysers of blood? Fantastic!")

I do have one quibble, though... that's not a chainsaw, it's a circular saw. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 6, 2009 12:14 PM

They got me at 'fried shrimp'. Relapse!

Posted by: replica at July 6, 2009 1:39 PM

Please Keep us updated on this, when it gets released and Please Please Please do a review? Maybe a new catagory, "Best of the Worst?"

Posted by: Jennifer at July 6, 2009 1:49 PM

Well, I don't know. It seems kind of silly that they didn't equip the geisha robots with grenade launching twats.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at July 6, 2009 2:07 PM

BEST MOVIE EVER can't wait to watch this and laugh my ass off (maybe literally if the preview is any indication)

Also to the commenter who quoted Neil Young from Trans...... you are awesome sir!

Posted by: lucy at July 6, 2009 4:59 PM

I love being alive right now...Thank you RoboGeisha.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at July 6, 2009 5:05 PM

Holy shit! I'm going to have to watch for that one to hit the DVD shop in Japantown.

Posted by: Drake at July 6, 2009 6:21 PM

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but the Japanese are messed up.

Posted by: stryker1121 at July 6, 2009 8:05 PM

For some reason that voiceover reminded me of the Gamecube game, Eternal Darkness.

Oh, and you had me at "Gynoid".

Posted by: Ryan at July 6, 2009 8:15 PM

I agree, stryker1121. But messed up in such a delightful, I-must-be-totally-deranged-to-enjoy-this way.

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at July 6, 2009 8:25 PM

And when those metal claws reach for you and grab you, there won't be anything you can do about it. Because they're made of metal.

Posted by: ziggy at July 6, 2009 11:44 PM

For gawd knows what reason, I've watched this again. And all if have to say is:

FRIED SHRIMP!

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at July 7, 2009 1:40 AM

All I have to say. Excuse me, I was overcome by the seafood and eyeball goodness.

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at July 7, 2009 1:41 AM

God that's going to give me messed up dreams for weeks! For some reason the bust-machinegun made me laugh out loud though..jeesh all of it was just so so wrong. It was like the creepiest Power Rangers episode ever!

Posted by: Mona at July 7, 2009 5:50 AM

Agreed, Edwina...i grew up watching InfraMan, SpectreMan, Tranzor Z, and every Godzilla flick my local TV station would play on Saturday afternoon!

Posted by: stryker1121 at July 7, 2009 10:33 AM

Anyone else notice the use of the bond theme?

Posted by: JohnnyVonAwesome at July 7, 2009 12:00 PM

There's just something about Japan that has always attracted and thrilled me. I could never quite put a finger on it -- until now.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 7, 2009 8:29 PM

What. The mother. FUCK.

But, wow, seriously. This looks totally awesome. "Bust Gun!" "Hip Sword!"

Sweet merciful crap; one, please.

Posted by: Cody at July 7, 2009 11:29 PM





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