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Are You Ready to Be ... Who You Are?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (36)

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Last week, I believe, we featured the new trailer for Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood, and if you missed it the post, don’t bother looking it up (but for Steven’s line: “Apparently set in an alternate history in which time only moves in slow motion, the trailer reveals not the slightest substantial thing about the movie in any way.”) This new International trailer basically proves what Hollywood marketers think of Americans as compared to Europeans — we get super slo mo, a terrible rock song, and no inkling of what the movie is about, and the Europeans get a trailer for a staid action movie that reveals just enough of the plot to turn me off of the film, in addition to poor Cate Blanchett who is way too elegant a woman to be waving around a sword like she just don’t care.

In other words, it looks kind of like Gladiator with a bow and an arrow, and screenwriter Brian Helgeland is already a frontrunner for worst line of 2010:

“Are you ready to be … who you are?”

Man, what kind of dumbass thing is that to say. (Though, I suppose it’s hardly worse than, “I see you!”

Here’s the international trailer for Robin Hood.










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Comments

I'm not an asshole (about everything) but Russell Crowe is too fat to be Robin Hood. It looks like he steals from the rich and gives to the Dairy Queen.

Posted by: becks at December 22, 2009 10:35 AM

Porkbus. The end.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 22, 2009 10:35 AM

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Posted by: Eep at December 22, 2009 10:37 AM

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

"DO I NOT LIKE BUFFETS!?"

Posted by: branded at December 22, 2009 10:39 AM

“Are you ready to be … who you are?”

That sounds almost as bad as the Matrix Revolutions tagline

"Everything that has a beginning has an end"

really??? yawn

Not sure what you're trying to say about Americans and Europeans? Who do you think Hollywood treats as the most stupid!?

Posted by: barf at December 22, 2009 10:41 AM

Apparently throwing phones and tantrums doesn't burn as many calories as one might think.

Posted by: becks at December 22, 2009 10:41 AM

"Are you ready to be...who you are?

Are we sure that's not a Meat Loaf song?

Posted by: Sean at December 22, 2009 10:47 AM

Are we sure that's not Meat Loaf playing Robin Hood?

(the hits keep coming, that'll teach you to go for seconds Russell!)

Posted by: becks at December 22, 2009 10:51 AM

Really??

Kate in a full plate armor wielding a sword?
Kinky, but do you know how much weight that is?

I'm Amazed she can even walk in it!

For the rest:
Since I was 9 I'm in love with the mr Hood saga, I have nothing against mr Crowe, even if there is a bit more of him now, and I adore mr Scot when he makes movies. (Not when he talks, never listen to a DVD commentary of him, he would make a good shot at the prize for Most Boring commenter!) So I'll see this anyway.

And Barf, Hollywood thinks Americans are the most stupid. I think Europeans agree with that.

Posted by: Magiel at December 22, 2009 10:52 AM

Pffft. I'm not watching a Robin Hood movie unless Bryan Adams writes a ballad for it or all the characters are played by animals. Bugger off, Crowe.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at December 22, 2009 10:57 AM

Okay, so it's Medieval Gladiator: The Hoodening. I'm probably still going to see it, if only out of a misguided loyalty to my countrymen.

Posted by: redhead at December 22, 2009 11:05 AM

Magiel, the way Dustin put it it sounds like Hollywood thought that if they put parts of the plot into the story Americans would be put off from watching it but if Europeans are fed part of the plot they would still watch it. Anyway, i predict it will be a big hit because it's Robin Hood and everybody loves Robin Hood... What's this shit about Crowe being FAT? The moment anyone puts on a bit of weight comments about how fat someone has become quickly pour in. Give it a break. Now this is fat

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Health/Images/naked-fat-guy.jpg

This thing about who is most stupid makes me laugh. It reminds me of when the game Tomb Raider was released in two formats. The American version was easier to solve than the European one. The company releasing the game actually went on record saying that.

Posted by: barf at December 22, 2009 11:06 AM

No redhead, I saw Medieval Gladiator: The Hoodening. It was a bunch of lesbians dressed like Xena: Warrior Princess. Good flick.

Posted by: becks at December 22, 2009 11:09 AM

I adore Cate Blanchett, but she looks utterly wrong in this role. And I shouldn't be bored watching men wield swords and axes and shoot flaming arrows into the sky. Since trailers can make even the worst of movie turds look exciting, you have to fail hard to bore me.

Plus, no Rickman.

Posted by: DeadBessie at December 22, 2009 11:23 AM

Second everyone saying this feels like Gladiator 2: Maximus Comes Back...and Fatter!

Posted by: Fredo at December 22, 2009 11:46 AM

I know what you mean, Barf.
It's like Europeans are lured in on an intelectual basis, and Americans in a visual (action) basis.

They must have some great statistics somewere to proof al this stuf. I just thought the second trailer was better..

Shit. Think I just proved their point, being European.

Also I wanna pick my eyes out with my grandmothers teaspoon after looking at your picture of the fat man.
Thats not fat, that's a disturbence in gravity.

Posted by: Magiel at December 22, 2009 11:47 AM

Maybe it just LOOKS like Crowe is playing Hood and he's really playing Friar Tuck.

No?

Posted by: , at December 22, 2009 12:05 PM

Bored. I am so bored after watching that trailer. Meh.

Posted by: katyv at December 22, 2009 12:16 PM

HA! I'm so glad Eep has returned.

Posted by: Smokin at December 22, 2009 12:55 PM

No no no no!!!!

I thought that the BBC America tv show had put all the need to have another Robin Hood movie.

Two words:

Jonas.Armstrong.

Oh and hello!! KEITH ALLEN!?

That show is beyond fabulous and they are ruining the legacy by having this stupid thing come out.

And now to watch the trailer...

Posted by: grace b at December 22, 2009 1:04 PM

....and now I've watched the trailer and I still think that.

Posted by: grace b at December 22, 2009 1:15 PM

"I see you" is endearing in its Engrish-like charms. I'm sure it's a beautiful, meaningful idiom in the language of the Na'Vi. "Are you ready to be...who you are?" is just clunky writing. Big difference.

Posted by: Robert at December 22, 2009 1:29 PM

Robin Hood dates back to the 1500's, I'm not too worried about one movie ruining the legacy. It's not like robbing from the rich and giving to the poor is ever going to fall out of fashion and if Costner couldn't kill it then, I don't think that Crowe will.

Makes me wonder if back in olden times, people ever worried if the new ballad about Robin Hood would destroy the legacy.

I still am holding out hopes that this movie will be awesome. As I said last time, Robin Hood is ripe for a good movie. I like Scott and Crowe (who is still f-ing hot, BTW). Both are pretty reliable when it comes to making good movies, so again fingers crossed this one will not suck.

However, I am slightly disappointed that they are going the serious Robin Hood route, as my favorite versions (AoRH and Disney's RH, have a more playful and fun loving Robin.

Judging from this trailer, i wonder if they will return to the idea that Robin was a commoner. I don't know when they decided that Robin was a nobleman because originally he was not.

Posted by: Mebe at December 22, 2009 1:39 PM

What's up, smokin? Enjoying this Christmas weather?

Posted by: Eep at December 22, 2009 2:50 PM

Is there bodice ripping? Because if there is bodice ripping I am SO there.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 22, 2009 2:52 PM

Ugh, but it'd be Cate Blanchett's bodice and Russell Crowe ripping it. Not worth it.

Posted by: esme at December 22, 2009 3:00 PM

Can we just talk about Alan Rickman's Sheriff again? Way more fun than discussing this trailer. Now, where were we? I think someone was about to quote something about a spoon.

Posted by: Brenton at December 22, 2009 3:49 PM

Errol Flynn will always and forever be the best Robin Hood. Personal life aside (I hear the man was a monster), he was made for that role.

Posted by: Lucas at December 22, 2009 4:04 PM

"Are you ready to be... who you are?"

I DON'T KNOW. That's a trick question, isn't it? YES. NO. I DON'T KNOW. WHICH ONE'S RIGHT?

I was dead at the time? I was... on the moon! With Steve!

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at December 22, 2009 6:02 PM

Flynn was the best Robin Hood by far, but yeah he was a perv. He liked cocaine, orgies, and high school girls.

Posted by: Mebe at December 22, 2009 8:12 PM

He liked cocaine, orgies, and high school girls.

Posted by: Mebe at December 22, 2009 8:12 PM
---
*looks for a downside, can't find it*

Posted by: , at December 23, 2009 12:52 AM

The best Robbin Hood ever was a old film, with an old Sean Connory, who came back from the crusades and wanted to live in the forrest again with Marion, who had become a nun.

She thought they were to old, so she killes him with the poisend cup in they end.

Very good film.

"Robin and Marian 1976.

Posted by: Magiel at December 23, 2009 4:35 AM

Ah yessssss.... Alan Rickman as Sheriff and Richard Armitage as Guy Gisborne...together...being very tough and mean...THAT would be dildolicious!!! Nevertheless, I will definitely watch this, because I'm a sucker for all things Hood.

Posted by: Cuca at December 23, 2009 5:12 AM

I have nothing of substance to add, but I just had to salute you all for the most consistently funny line of comments I've read in awhile. I clicked on this post expecting a dull tidbit on a dull future release met with waves of apathy, but instead much merriment was had. Huzzah!

Posted by: MB at December 23, 2009 9:14 AM

Russell Crowe is....Robin HoodsieCup*!

*Those of you from New England are far more likely to get that one.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 23, 2009 6:51 PM

This looks more like Braveheart than Gladiator. Casting Crowe seems retarded given that Robin Hood is supposed to be a charming lad. Less grunting, more smiling.

Posted by: ghunda at December 24, 2009 1:24 PM