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Resident Evil: Retribution Trailer: Paul W.S. Anderson Misses The Point Yet Again, But Hey! Milla's Ass!

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (31)

0119-evil-landscape.jpg

Well, good to see that Paul W.S. Anderson is laying off the CGI and slow motion effects.

Wait, no, that’s not what I meant.

Here’s the trailer for the next (likely awful) entry in the unkillable Resident Evil franchise, featuring once again Milla Jovovich’s Alice flipping around in skintight bodysuits, shooting zombies while the evil Umbrella Corporation gets, you know, eviler. Like its most recent predecessor, the dreadful Resident Evil: Afterlife, it will be in 3D, and it will probably be loud, asplodey, and completely bereft of anything resembling logic, intelligence, nuance or plot.

It’ll also make a splagillion dollars.

Watch:

So, a few quick thoughts:

1. Holy product placement, Batman. Just call the fucking thing Sony Presents Resident Evil and get it over with.

2. Were those… dragons I saw in the opening?

3. Apparently there are going to be some sort of flashback scenes to back when the outbreak started, except that doesn’t make any sense if you’ve seen the (actually quite decent) original film.

4. Didn’t Michelle Rodriguez die in the first one?

5. What Anderson has never really gotten (except in the first one) is that the Resident Evil universe was never supposed to be quite so action oriented. It started as survival horror, and got a little more action-y as the games progressed, but the horror aspect of it is now completely absent. It’s a little disheartening, and it’s clearly evident in the trailer that the franchise is about little more than effects and explosions these days. You want to see the best trailer this series ever had to offer? It was this one, for the (admittedly terrible) second film:

As for the creepiest trailer from the game franchise? Well, it’s hard to beat this one (not particularly SFW, just a heads up):

Anyway, enjoy the explosions.









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Comments

Was that... was that Sir Patrick Stewart narrating the beginning?

Posted by: MrFroggie at January 20, 2012 11:09 AM

Oh and way to rip Daft Punk's Tron Legacy soundtrack.

Posted by: MrFroggie at January 20, 2012 11:10 AM

1. Leeloo multipass

2. Leather

3. Guns guns guns

This isn't even a discussion. The Zoooooey Deshanel alternative lifechoice site is -------------------------------------->

Hipsters

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 20, 2012 11:16 AM

fuck. and yes.

Posted by: gp at January 20, 2012 11:24 AM

What Anderson has never really gotten (except in the first one) is that the Resident Evil universe was never supposed to be quite so action oriented.

Except it was the Milla-in-tight-pants action stuff that's been selling. So, action it is, then - yay!
~~~

Posted by: Meander at January 20, 2012 11:29 AM

I'll go see this if they PROMISE that this will be the last one. All I want is some fucking closure on this shit-show. Just wrap it all up in a pretty bow for me already, will you? Because if you are going to keep making pointless sequels I'm out, right now. I'm done.

Posted by: JenVegas at January 20, 2012 11:40 AM

The score so far

Milla - 6
Kate - 4

Posted by: John W at January 20, 2012 11:54 AM

Fan of the first one, the second one at least was tolerable and had kept some of the story from the games, the third was an abomination, and the fourth was pretty decent.

That being said, if the world is pretty much a wasteland, why is the Umbrella Corp still doing experiments on people and trying to kill Alice & company? You'd think everyone involved with the company would be more concerned about finding food, water, ammo, etc., since the world is primarily inhabited by zombies and the T-Virus has destroyed most of the plant & animal life, and dried up all the water? (According to RE: Extinction)

Sure, the company would still try and find a cure, if the resources still exists, but I doubt their work-force is really gonna care about killing one person or creating bio-weapons for non-existent nations rather than making sure they don't die of starvation or dehydration or getting EATEN BY FREAKIN' ZOMBIES!

Okay, rant over. Been bugging me since the end of the last movie.

Posted by: Puck at January 20, 2012 11:55 AM

Hi there! And welcome back to another episode of "Cinema Cookin'!"

Well I hope you're hungry because today we'll be making "Zombie Jambalaya" with Paul W.S. Anderson. We know time is short so here's the recipe...

1 skinny, dressed Kiev bird with no breast meat
12 pounds Anderson superego, diced
1 can of rotten tomatoes
1 medium hackneyed script
1 pointless action pepper, seeded and karate chopped
1 reheated plot
1 pint of cooking sherry (not for the recipe, but you'll need to take a couple of slugs of it)
2 celebrity stalkers, restrained
2 teaspoons Ashanti seasoning
1 Colin Salmon, boned
3 Michael Bay leaves
90 minutes of wasted thyme
1 pound frozen hacked and overdone sequels, thawed
4 short trailers of other better movies

Heat producer oil in large dutch oven. Throw everything in a large Uwe Boll, stir vigorously until everything is well blended. Drop mixture into dutch oven. Simmer for hours on end and serve up to audience by flinging onto screen in a hot mess. Constantly serve until no longer profitable.

Tune in again next week when we'll be whippin' up a batch of "Fire in the Hole Chili" with Brett Ratner.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 20, 2012 12:18 PM

bleujayone for president. Erm, resident. Evillest resident of Pajiba.

Posted by: cinekat at January 20, 2012 12:35 PM

I don't really care how dumb these movies are or what anybody says about them. I LOVE these movies and I love that Milla Jovovich still stars as Alice.

Oh and sidenote the Afterlife movie has a really good soundtrack IMO.

Posted by: ComfortableMadness at January 20, 2012 1:19 PM

1 skinny, dressed Kiev bird with no breast meat

I object! They're small but nice.

Posted by: Meander at January 20, 2012 1:40 PM

Related to that, there is Resident Evil 6 in production (of course it is), which seems to lump together all things of the 5 previous games.

Just like the movie does.

Posted by: FabMax at January 20, 2012 1:45 PM

RE - Fluke.
RE 2 - Saved by Sienna Guillory's badonkadonk and tube top.
RE 3 - Ruined the moment Ashanti showed up.
RE 4 - Saved by Millas.

And judging by this trailer,
RE 5 - saved by Milla's hot new hairdo and The Rodriguez.

Anyone expecting more from this franchise is just a masochist.


Posted by: haplo at January 20, 2012 2:50 PM

Ah, bluejayone you make my day. :)

Posted by: Bob Frapples at January 20, 2012 3:01 PM

1st film - Crap...but mildly entertaining crap.
2nd film - Crap.
3rd film - Surprisingly OK...nice Day of the Dead homage.
4th film - Pointless (and plotless).
5th film - looks like same ole', same ole'

Posted by: Juicy Weatherbee at January 20, 2012 3:11 PM

"3. Apparently there are going to be some sort of flashback scenes to back when the outbreak started, except that doesn’t make any sense..."

This scene makes perfect sense if Anderson is claiming Dawn of the Dead as the prequel.

Posted by: Scott at January 20, 2012 3:17 PM

It's funny because I know these movies are terrible... and yet I've seen every one of them... multiple times.

I just love Milla too much I guess.

Posted by: cultureshot at January 20, 2012 3:27 PM

I knew I wasn't the only one to notice the dragons, why is nobody concerned about the fact there are DRAGONS.
Okay, so I love dragons, and I'm actually still a bit of a fan of zombies, but I refuse to believe this is happening. It goes beyond even my appalling sense of judgement, and I pay £3000 a year to be taught literature, I have no judgement

Posted by: Gale at January 20, 2012 4:29 PM

You kidding? I watched Project: Runway just to see Heidi Klum and hear her speak in that adorable accent she's got. Well that and Tim Gunn is the classiest person in existence. I put up with every single annoying as hell designer that show could throw at me just to see Heidi Klum exist.

I feel the same way about Milla. You think pointless dragons, a complete lack of story, and excessive (not Michael Bay excessive, but still excessive) explosions are going to keep me from watching this movie?

You'd be partially right. I'll wait for it to come out on video. I'm not paying ten bucks to watch some idiotic movie in 3D.

Posted by: Harborwolf at January 20, 2012 5:26 PM

Man, I remember seeing that trailer for Part 2 in the theater and thinking, "Fucking awesome!" The actual second movie bore no resemblance to that, however.

Also, yeah, I wouldn't mind flashbacks, even slightly ret-conny flashbacks, but Alice was never a soccer mom. That's just weird stupid wrong, and furthermore, why?

Posted by: MM at January 20, 2012 8:24 PM

I'm guessing Michelle Rodriguez appears in those flasback scenes. Why would this acclaimed series try and resurrect a character that clearly died? That would be ridiculous and completely unbelievable.

Clearly the next step from creating zombies is making dragons. It makes sense. Zombies can't fly. Umbrella needs air defense hence the dragons. Am I the only one that gets this?

Posted by: Dingle Berry at January 20, 2012 9:21 PM

very well crafted, comical and sensical. Well done, bleujayone

Posted by: John G. at January 21, 2012 1:02 AM

The games have gone the action-y ways of the films, actually. Resi5 had set pieces, rail-shooting sequences and to total evaporate all scares gave u a co-op partner that could played by a friend or by the shitty A1. And it was mostly done in broad daylight.

now we've got Resi6 coming out in November (trailer just dropped on Thursday, y'all), and it looks to be a partial return to survival horror, w/ third-person shooter cover mechanics and even more splody set pieces thrown in.

Posted by: stryker1121 at January 21, 2012 1:11 AM

That's 'shitty AI' folks, not A1. I love me some steak sauce.

Posted by: stryker1121 at January 21, 2012 1:12 AM

"1. Leeloo multipass

2. Leather

3. Guns guns guns

This isn't even a discussion. The Zoooooey Deshanel alternative lifechoice site is -------------------------------------->

Hipsters"

Sorry - is any life form outside of a tiny, sad corner of the geek universe even supposed to understand what that means?


Posted by: bbmcrae at January 21, 2012 3:31 AM

At least you can say the movies have stayed true to the games. In that they're both convoluted, stupid messes and the paper-thin 'plot' was written on crayon by a thousand monkeys.

Posted by: Aislinn at January 21, 2012 7:56 AM

Resident Terminator: This time it's personal

I will watch Milla in anything, even her terrible, no good, very bad fashion line.

Posted by: Feynmangroupie at January 21, 2012 11:22 AM

Milla Jovovich in tight pants of leather or rubber or vinyl or spandex or even just spray paint. Bring on that sweet ass.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 21, 2012 2:18 PM

She's so pretty. I'll watch however many they make of these, just to look at her. Millllla.

Posted by: Naginata at January 23, 2012 6:19 AM

the resident evil movies are so awesome. they are ridiculous, over the top and the plots make no sense. but they are hella entertaining. zombies, monsters, clones, super powers, hot chicks and now motherfucking DRAGONS? where do i sign up?

Posted by: Darby at February 22, 2012 2:11 AM