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Resident Evil: Retribution Trailer: Let's Not Bother Pretending That There's Another Reason You Watch These Movies

By TK | Trailers | June 15, 2012 | Comments ()


res-evil.jpg

Milla. Milla? Milla!

Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla

And zombies.

I write this because I'm convinced that those are the only reasons people are still wasting their time on the Resident Evil franchise. That and some occasionally boffo effects. Because while I'm on record as enjoying the ass off the first film, the rest have been a steady stream of fetid, left-in-the-sun, regurgitated tripe. Which is to say... they're bad.

But goddamn if the motherfuckers don't rake in the money at the theater. Much like that other inexplicably popular female-led horror/action franchise Underworld, audiences pack their asses into the seats regardless of how terrible the films are. The most recent Resident Evil film of course left the door open for a sequel, and I firmly believe that as long as these films beat their budgets by a buck and a quarter, Paul W.S. Anderson will keep cranking 'em out.

So here's the trailer for Resident Evil: Retribution, the fifth (!) entry in the franchise. They're bringing everyone back, of course -- Michelle Rodriguez, Oded Fehr, Sienna Guillory -- pretty much everyone who died in the prior films gets to come back to life. There's zombies and giant zombie monsters and bright lights and slow motion and our beloved Leeloo Multipass dressed in increasingly bizarre, but conveniently skintight outfits (so! many! buckles!).

Enjoy. Or something.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Sean

    I never understood why anyone DOESN"T love these movies. What more can you possibly want in a movie? Mila in skin tight clothes? Check! Gunfights? Check! Explodey things? Check! Zombies? Check! Zombie DOGS? Fucking check!

    I will be there first day. After about 7 shots of Jack. And will be bringing more in the theater with me.

  • Baboon

    The trailer's intense flying text literally brags "Milla Jovovich".... "In 3D." They know why we watch.

  • emmelemm

    I love EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Resident Evil movies. Perhaps not equally, but I love all of them. UNASHAMEDLY.

    The second is my least favorite. But I stilll love it. And I'll still watch it. I love the third mainly because of 1) increased presence of Oded Fehr and 2) zombie crows.

  • Stella

    holy shit. That was supposed to read: Why is Oded Fehr not in more movies...

  • Stella

    Why does Oded Fehr not in more movies. That man is 7 kinds of hot...

  • Jane Glasgow

    TNT airing these back to back to back on a Saturday has the power to completely destroy weekend productivity levels in the entire (ad-supported-cable) universe. I live for those days.

  • TheAggroCraig

    There are 2 things I want from this movie: 1) Sienna Guillory in the Jill Valentine tube top/skirt outfit again, and 2) someone, anyone, to channel Leon S. Kennedy and scream out "ADA! WAIT!"

  • karen suwaizdis

    damn it i don't want my name up there! I am too old for this friggen new fangled comment crap. the reason i never unlurk

  • karen suwaizdis

    I had no idea
    our MF beloved Leeloo Multipass was in these. I have seen none of them. Do I have to watch from the beginning?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I'm going to watch the hell out of it. Then, when they finally finish making the Resident Evil movies, I'm going to buy the Blu-ray box set. Then I'm going to revel in their splodey, splattery, slow-motion, tight body-suitedness with a nice warm feeling in my heart cockle.

  • AlabasterSalamander

    "...a nice warm feeling in my heart cockle."
    There.

  • emmelemm

    Me too, Admin. Me too.

  • I'd say the fourth one was the best, but the bad CGI in the first really threw me for a loop. How do you release a big Hollywood picture that has special effects worse than a Playstation game?

    I do agree with your thesis. You watch for Milla and zombies. Maybe you watch the third to see Ashanti get axed. Maybe.

  • NateMan

    These movies are sheer, unadulterated genius. Where other explosion-filled eye candy like Transformers screw up is by thinking BIGGER. They mess with the winning formula by inserting robots in blackface, or pretending their buxom beauties are there to do more than fill a screen, or thinking that Nic Cage could actually find a secret treasure not once but twice. Anderson here doesn't make that mistake. He knows we want to see Milla kick ass. If she can be naked while doing so, all the better. We want hot women and hideous monsters trying to eat them, We want the death of Michelle Rodriguez. We want guns. Lots of guns. We want the bad guy undone by his own megalomania. We want catchphrases.

    By gods, these movies are the finest drunken summer entertainment ever created.

  • 'By gods, these movies are the finest drunken summer entertainment ever created. '
    Aside from the 'drive the ice cream truck to give kids hope but never slow down enough for them to catch up, or if you do then make sure you're all outta ice cream' game of course.

  • "We want the death of Michelle Rodriguez. "

    So long as they bring her back for the next movie. I don't care how. Michelle is definitely on my kick-ass chicks list and the more of her, the better.

  • Clancys_Daddy

    "Milla. Milla? Milla!

    Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla
    Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla
    Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla
    Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla
    Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla
    Milla

    And zombies." You say this like it's a bad thing.

  • Patient zero

    Looks awesome and I can't wait. I really don't get why so many people hate on this franchise -- it's like they've forgotten what's really important in this world. More zombies. Bigger guns. And hot chicks in crazy sexy outfits, kicking ass. If you can do better, then let's see it. Otherwise, don't bring me down.

  • hapl0

    Michelle Motherfucking Rodriguez! Now that's how you get my attention! Looks like this movie is going to ignore the 14 movies that came out after the first one and I wholly approve this new direction. Too bad someone else is wearing her red dress.

  • Mrs. Julien

    She's very limber, isn't she? She must do a lot of stretching. This is also where I point out once again that all the lycra must be like wearing a loofah.

  • She sacrifices for all of us.

  • You missed a 'Milla.'

  • Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla Milla

    And zombies.

    I'll be right there - lemme get my popcorn. Honestly, cram that thing with shots of Milla's eyes and I'm going to fanboi all over this.

  • Bram

    As much as I loved the first Resident Evil (I even bought the soundtrack) and the first Underworld flick I can' sit through everything else that came after. Not for all the PVC in the world and that makes me sad.

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