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What Crappy Movies You Have

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (22)

rh5.jpg

Oof.

Here’s the trailer for Red Riding Hood, a retelling of the classic fairy tale with a fairly solid cast — Amanda Seyfried, Virginia Madsen, Julie Christie and Gary Oldman stand out, and it also stars Shiloh Fernandez (Deadgirl), Lukas Haas, and Billy Burke (the Twilight films).

There are moments where I kind of liked it, perhaps because they swapped out the music of wanna-be Zero 7 band Fever Ray (which they used in the first trailer) for Nine Inch Nails. Or perhaps it’s because Oldman looks like he’s going to be a hell of a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, it also looks awfully Twilight-y, and that’s likely because it’s directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who directed (wait for it) Twilight.

This does not bode well.

Seyfried looks way too wide-eyed and breathless and pouty, and the romance angle is way too, well, again… Twilight-y. It isn’t rated yet, but it’s got PG-13 written all over it, and the tween crowd will love the shit out of it, I’m guessing. I’m also guessing that it’s simply not going to be very good. Which is a shame.

Ah well.

[pours another Scotch]
[adds The Company Of Wolves to Netflix que]
[cranks up With Teeth]









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Comments

Seyfried looks way too wide-eyed and breathless and pouty,

I'm guessing that the entire movie was based on a pic of Seyfried in the red hood and the Viagra-like effects it had on a few execs.

Posted by: Fredo at January 21, 2011 9:04 AM

Good idea!
[Also goes to watch The Company of Wolves]

Posted by: Poptart at January 21, 2011 9:08 AM

The music. It's making me stabby.

Posted by: sars at January 21, 2011 9:16 AM

A bottle of Scotch and The Company of Wolves.

When is the next flight to Boston?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 21, 2011 9:21 AM

Yeah, to heck with the movie. I want to go to TK's house and watch videos. I'll even bring another bottle of scotch to share.

Posted by: Reba at January 21, 2011 9:38 AM

I can't stand scotch but I'll have a B.Y.O.B. at my place and we can watch Freeway.

Posted by: InfluentialInfluenza at January 21, 2011 10:16 AM

*sigh*

I'm still all over this. I hate myself sometimes.

Also, is it just me, or is Gary Oldman totally going for Burl Ives Voice?

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 21, 2011 10:22 AM

"If you love her, you'll let her go..."

...and a thousand other lines you've heard before.

Not only is it generic, but it looks like the entire thing was filmed on a sound-stage in L.A.

Posted by: Simon at January 21, 2011 10:39 AM

"If you love her, you'll let her go..."

...and a thousand other lines you've heard before.

Take a shot of the scotch every time that happens. You'll pass out before the end of Act II. Good times.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 21, 2011 11:13 AM

Seyfried looks way too wide-eyed and breathless and pouty
---
It's impossible for her to look TOO those things. She always looks just enough.

Posted by: , at January 21, 2011 11:54 AM

I'll stick with scotch and "...And out come the wolves", thanks.

Posted by: The_wakeful at January 21, 2011 12:08 PM

Holy cow, might as well called this movie Twilight: AU. They couldn't have given the male love interest non-Edward hair? Really? Considering that looking at the trailer I'm going to assume it's set in some vague pre-industrial age backwoods society that probably did not have access to hair gel/moose/wax. If you are going to style your characters to death AND use Nine Inch Nails music you might as well go full A Knight's Tale on it.

Also, I can't look at Amanda Seyfried in that red hood without thinking that Allyson Brie in Community looked cuter and more innocent as Little Red Riding Hood for the Halloween episode.

Posted by: brdkelli at January 21, 2011 12:32 PM

She gets a whiff of his wolfy stank breath and *still* she lets him hit it.

Posted by: Ms MoMo at January 21, 2011 12:56 PM

I have a friend who eats this shit up so I'll eventually be subjected after she fishes it out of the bottom of the bargain bin and drags it home. She is a connisseur of terrible cinema. But, I'll be sitting on her living room floor plowing through her wine so, meh? Mildly excited for future free wine?

Posted by: the bees knees at January 21, 2011 1:39 PM

It looked okay until you saw "From the director of Twilight" and then we all knew how it was going to end up. A pretty, helpless girl torn between which unnaturally handsome boy to fuck. Damnit, you guys.

Posted by: Ellemar at January 21, 2011 5:37 PM

it's got gary. i go. i adore that man!!

let's see... gary's done movies with vampires and witches and now he's doing werewolves. am i to assume 'the mummy' is next?!!? awesome.

Posted by: maxpurr9 at January 21, 2011 6:10 PM

"wide-eyed and breathless and pouty" add naked and I might watch.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at January 21, 2011 6:24 PM

"wanna-be Zero 7 band Fever Ray"

¿Que? I can't pinpoint a single similarity between Zero 7 and Fever Ray other than that they're both sometimes ambient and sometimes operate in the minor key. Let's throw Enigma and Moby in there too while we're at it!

Posted by: Amanda6 at January 21, 2011 7:36 PM

I second the stabby nature of the music. The only redeeming aspect of the movie is the potential for Gary Oldman to chew the fuck right out of the scenery. There's gonna be some actin' here, people.

Posted by: ZombieMedic at January 21, 2011 7:49 PM

It seems like a decent trailer but Catherine Hardwicke is an absolutely wretched director that churns out excrement and calls it a movie. I won't be fooled again, Hardwicke.

And Billy Burke will always be Jack Newman from My Boys to me.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 21, 2011 11:16 PM

I'm loving how pretty and clean everyone is.

You know.

Considering the setting.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at January 22, 2011 2:47 PM

Amanda Seyfried can NEVER be too wide-eyed and breathless and pouty, but she should TRY.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at January 23, 2011 12:10 PM