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Really? We're Going to Get Excited About a Movie About a Tire?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (46)

fantastic-fest-2010-rubber-movie-poster_480_poster.jpg

I’m feeling contrarian today, so I’m going to say it: Why is everyone losing their undies over a movie about a tire? Literally, a tire. A tire named Robert. A tire named Robert that kills people. A tired named Robert that kills people and elicits a law enforcement man hunt? A tired named Robert that kills people and elicits a law enforcement man hunt and likes to watch women take showers?

OK, fine. The trailer is amusing, but I do have to wonder how long this premise can be carried out. Do you really want to see a 90-minute movie about a tire? Is a tire a character you can get emotionally invested in? Will we care about the fate of that tire? Or will we suffer through the entire ordeal and then, because it’s supposed to be cool to like a movie about a killer tire, leave the theater faux-excited and tell our friends, “You have to see this awesome movie about the killer tire!” And when that friend sees that movie about the killer tire and reports back, “I didn’t get it” and then you’ll have to be like, “What? It’s a killer tire! What’s not to get! It was so awesome!” And then that person will be like, “Yeah. I think I’ll just get my movie recommendations from Pajiba from now on.” And you’ll be like, “Pajiba? Man, that site is overrated.”











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Comments

You're kidding right?

A movie about a fucking tire?!!

Who wouldn't be excited.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 19, 2011 10:57 AM

Bummer Alert: Apparently half of this movie is taken up by a plot thread where a metacontextual audience comments on the movie.

This movie should've been made with a massive budget...tire becomes sentient, gains power, & by the end is wreaking havoc & destroying entire cities. Tire is finally neutralized when somebody drops it into a lake.

Posted by: the new transported man at January 19, 2011 10:57 AM

Wait, is it April 1st already?

Posted by: cinekat at January 19, 2011 10:57 AM

Well I just wasted 2 minutes and 22 seconds of my life that I can never get back. What's next, a movie about a fucking hair brush?

Jesus Hollywood, pull yourself together.

Posted by: Jadine at January 19, 2011 10:59 AM

Hey you just know it's going to be better then Transfockers.

Saw the trailer already and I think it is a verry funny concept.

Posted by: Magiel at January 19, 2011 11:00 AM

Right. Tell me you wouldn't buy a set of Roberts and put them on your car and have the bad-assest Prius on the highway.

Posted by: , at January 19, 2011 11:03 AM

A tire. That makes things explode. With its tire mind.
It's so goddamn stupid, it loops around into awesome.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at January 19, 2011 11:04 AM

Who the hell licensed my unofficial biopic? I'm sure they won't even go into the drug rehab program and how the love of a stage piano turned me back into a real boy. Bastards.

Posted by: Robert at January 19, 2011 11:04 AM

Apparently half of this movie is taken up by a plot thread...

Tread.
Plot tread.

Showing myself out now...

Posted by: Rykker at January 19, 2011 11:05 AM

Death Bed: The bed that eats people.

And you think Tired is a stretch.

Posted by: lubeg at January 19, 2011 11:07 AM

I can't believe that Tire got made and Tampon, the sequal to Teeth, got left on the cutting room floor. Hollywood is so sexist.

Posted by: anikitty at January 19, 2011 11:12 AM

Bummer Alert: Apparently half of this movie is taken up by a plot thread where a metacontextual audience comments on the movie. - the new transported man

Well, if that's true at least it makes the "Corman by way of Beckett" quote somewhat sensible. Before I read that I spent the second half of the trailer looking for Beckett references or Beckettian elements and I saw none. People really ought to think before they decide to go all Samuel Beckett on our asses. He wasn't necessarily trying to entertain us...

Anyway, yeah. If this were a trailer for a faux film (and I can't help but think it might be, considering it's April Fool's Day release date), and re-edited to punch-up the laughs (like the trailers in Grindhouse) this would be a fun short film. But a full feature? Egads, no.

Posted by: RobP at January 19, 2011 11:18 AM

My insider sources tell me that the movie was originally written for Cuba Gooding, Jr. but the tire gave a better audition and won the part.

There is also going to be a sequel...er, retread, already in pre-production.

Posted by: clocker at January 19, 2011 11:18 AM

Why is everyone losing their undies over a movie about a tire?

No Ratnerfucking, no Baynis, no Lucaslutting, no Dirty Spielberging, no Haggisraping, no Rainbow Killing, No Four Fingered Kutchering, no Sweaty Back-door Aniston, no Reverse Robertsing, no Stephanie Meyers Steamer, no Burton Ballsacking, no Cuntsicle Cameron, no Disney Deep Dicking, no Pirate Depp Dysentery Double Penetration...

Need I go on?

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2011 11:20 AM

Dude, we anthropomorphize shit to a RIDICULOUS extent ("Do not feel bad for the lamp! It is an inanimate object!"). OF COURSE there's a movie about a tire that kills people and watches broads take showers.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 19, 2011 11:21 AM

So basically it's "Scanners" meets "No Country For Old Men" as played by a psychotic Michelin.

I don't suppose the tire's destination is some apartment in San Francisco occupied by Tommy Wiseau. Just so we can get the following scene;

"I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did *not*... Oh hi, Robert!"

*tire vibrates furiously, Johnny's head asplodes.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 19, 2011 11:25 AM

admin,

You forgot the Rusty Bruckheimer.

Posted by: Paultera at January 19, 2011 11:32 AM

You think Carrie ran on Goodyears? Wait until you see Fuelpump. Or Fuzzy Dice. Or Gas Cap.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at January 19, 2011 11:33 AM

I don't know, admin. The tire is black. Are you sure there won't be any Perry Piledriving?

Posted by: jM at January 19, 2011 11:35 AM

So, it's like "Christine" only with less of the car trying to kill you. I can see the sequels now:

Rubber II: Seatbelt
Rubber III: Steering Wheel
Rubber IV: Packet of Ketchup and a used napkin that fell under the seats 2 years ago
Rubber V: GPS from Hell

Posted by: BWeaves at January 19, 2011 11:39 AM

Looks like a good movie to sneak a flask of rum into and heckle (as was Legion and Burlesque).

Posted by: badkittyuno at January 19, 2011 11:39 AM

I saw Rubber at the AFI film festival. It was amusing, but the whole movie is worth watching for the opening sequence.

Posted by: Theseus at January 19, 2011 12:19 PM

You know, growing up in Detroit, people always told me, "Tire, you gotta give up on yo crazy dreams. Yo a tire from Detroit, yo never goin' nowhere. 'cept wherever yo go whens yo onna car. Thas yo future, man."

But did I pay them mind? No. No, I fucking pursued my dreams, man. I fucking did it. 18 I packed up my shit and my tire iron and my 5 lug nuts and I took my ass to L.A.

Them years was rough. In and outta auditions with nuthin to show for it but some worn-off tread and a busted axle. One bastard even suggested I should strip off my hub caps. I took jobs with car rental joints as a spare tire makin' less than minimum wage justa get by.

And now, now that I got my big break yo just wanna shit all over it? Well yo get ovah yoself, the whole lotta ya. I earned this movie, you muthafuckers. Yo not gonna take that away from me.

Posted by: Tire at January 19, 2011 12:24 PM

I think as a short movie this would work well. But a FULL movie? Like two hours? What? No thanks. Not even thanks. No. Just no.

I could stand maybe thirty minutes, but more than that...ugh.

Posted by: Candee at January 19, 2011 12:31 PM

Am I the only one who laughed when Deputy Dude asked, "Is it Black?"

Posted by: malikvlc at January 19, 2011 12:46 PM

POPULATION: TIRE!

Posted by: Jay at January 19, 2011 12:50 PM

Stop with the faux excitement people. The trailer was boring.

I guess I dont "get it." Or should I say okay, YOU "get it."

Posted by: Junierizzle at January 19, 2011 1:10 PM

I bet Robert acts better than Aguilera.

Posted by: ada at January 19, 2011 1:20 PM

A movie about a tire that kills people by blowing their heads up.

SO UNORIGINAL! Gosh, Hollywood. Can we please see something we haven't seen before? Seriously.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at January 19, 2011 1:31 PM

Why is everyone losing their undies over a movie about a tire? Literally, a tire. A tire named Robert. A tire named Robert that kills people. A tired named Robert that kills people and elicits a law enforcement man hunt? A tired named Robert that kills people and elicits a law enforcement man hunt and likes to watch women take showers?

Asked and answered sir. When did we lose the ability to enjoy a movie just for the sheer stupidness of it? I've seen Death Bed, and if you've seen it and didn't cackle your ass off when the bed ate a bucket of fried chicken, IMHO your fun meter is way off. A tire that blows people's heads off a la Scanners? Yes please.

Posted by: JustBill at January 19, 2011 1:46 PM

In all seriousness, I will see this movie at midnight.

Let me try and explain why...this movie is so dumb. A tire is by far one of the least interesting inanimate objects in the world. You cannot relate to a tire. No matter what sappy music is played, what horrific music is played, whatever loud bangs, quick editing, gory images...I don't care. I will not feel anything towards the tire. It has absolutely 0 power to make me feel a thing.

And the fact that someone made an 85 minute movie about a tire? A tire I'm suppose to be AFRAID of?! The sheer guts alone that it takes to do such a thing, buys the right for me to see the movie. And the fact that the movie is obviously self-conscious....its going to be a hilarious good time.

Do you "get it"?

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at January 19, 2011 1:47 PM

IT'S NOT SHEER STUPIDNESS! IT IS AWESOME! WHY DOES NO ONE RESPECT MY TALENTS!!!!

Posted by: Tire at January 19, 2011 1:48 PM

This needs to become the next big horror franchise while at the same time advocating recycling. The evil rubber tire could be made into a killer pair of Nikes or an ankle exploding gym floor. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, more terrifying than a faulty pair of running shoes.

Posted by: schrome at January 19, 2011 2:05 PM

You forgot the Rusty Bruckheimer.

I love this site.

Posted by: twig at January 19, 2011 2:26 PM

A movie about a TIRE gets pitched and some Hollywood bigwig snaps it up but fucking MORTAL KOMBAT with a fricking working premise and and actual short out already gets only a web series!?!

Yes, I'll be ranting about this shit whole month!

Posted by: Four Eyes at January 19, 2011 4:41 PM

Um, you don't mention the fact that the tire kills people with its...mind? The tire is freakin' telekinetic.

"What's next, a movie about a fucking hair brush?"

Here you go. Be warned, it's a musical:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtHr7gluh08

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 19, 2011 9:04 PM

This was my favourite film last year, and most of that came from the fact that the people who made this had their heads quite explicitly out of their arses. Hollywood had nothing to do with this. It's made almost entirely without the USA. It's not stupid; it's silly. They openly state from the very beginning that most of the stuff that happens in life and in films happens for "no reason". Why is there a tyre that grows sentient and starts telekinetically exploding things? No reason. And the entire film screams out "parody" and "satire" of everything to do with Hollywood, from Hitchcock to generic cop films to the inner workings of Hollywood and its audiences (spoiler: the last shot of the film has a whole horde of tyres about to "attack" Hollywood).
The metafiction isn't a "bummer". It makes the film a thousand times more fun to watch, and, like all good metafictional subplots, this one leaks into the main plot.
There's really nothing to dislike.
Bonus: read what it says on the guy in the wheelchair's hat.

Posted by: zomgmouse at January 19, 2011 11:11 PM

You guys mock sentient tires at your own peril:

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. -- Two WVU students were arrested by WVU police for allegedly rolling tires down North High Street and onto Willey Street.

One tire hit a department of public safety cruiser. ...

According to the criminal complaint filed in Monongalia County magistrate court: At about 5 a.m. Sunday, WVU Police Officer J.R. Bragg was taking a complaint at Boreman Hall South when he was told that tires were rolling down North High Street onto Willey Street.

Bragg said he left the building and found that one of the tires had apparently hit his patrol car, leaving black marks on the front passenger side and dirt on the hood.
---
HAH! That cop is really lucky he didn't get his head asploded. The only part of that story I don't believe is that two college knuckleheads would get drunk and roll tires down a city street. Sure they did. It's just what Robert wants you to believe.

Posted by: , at January 20, 2011 12:33 AM

The most unbelievable part of the movie for me: the tire has a name. Sure, a random tire murders people. Why not?

BUT HOW THE FUCK DOES THE TIRE HAVE A NAME?

Posted by: MM at January 20, 2011 2:06 AM

This... This is on of those joke trailers right..? There's no movie right..? It's like that trailer of green lantern with Fillion, not real... Right...? Please...?

Posted by: Sarah J-Town at January 20, 2011 2:22 AM

@ MM: How can you be a serial killer without a catchy name? Jack the Ripper would have never done what he did if it weren't for his name. Just like a tire named Robert is just bound to go off and kill everything he sees. I am more worried by the fact that Robert is a voyeur as well. That is just weird. Tires get abused and all so I get the killing. But not the looking at showering girls, it just doesn't feel like tire behaviour.

Posted by: Matthijs at January 20, 2011 4:45 AM

This movie looks like something I would actually watch. I'll probably soon forget about it though, at least until I end up catching it on Showtime at 3AM nine years from now. Then I'll be asking myself, 'Where do I know this movie from?"

Posted by: Muteki at January 20, 2011 5:38 AM

I'd watch it.

Posted by: Mattfactor at January 20, 2011 9:43 AM

BUT HOW THE FUCK DOES THE TIRE HAVE A NAME?

Its parents.
Which would obviously mean there are others out there.
Which means... SE-/PREQUEL!

Posted by: Rykker at January 20, 2011 9:44 AM

Robert the Radial Ripper?
Nah....done already.
Robbie the Rubber-outer?
Too wordy.
Bob the Skidmark?
Too gross.
Ro-Bear the Head Treader?
Nope.
'Bert the Black Hurt?
Okay, now I'm reaching.
Demon Doughnut Rob

Yeah...I got nothin'.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 20, 2011 10:03 AM

Is Robert steel-belted? That would be like the Terminator of tires.

Posted by: , at January 20, 2011 11:09 AM