Pajiba

I cannot but help to see that picture in the ad (video blocked at work) and think, "Why the fuck is Mr. Bean dressed up as Frank Castle??"

Ah, yes. Nothing says "Christmas" quite like a dude hanging upside down from the ceiling, spraying the room with bullets.

If there's a flock of geekse flapping about for this movie, then they must be the weediest, smallest flock of geekse possible.

I think it's, uh....maybe it's the, uh...I got nothing.

I guess I'll go with the hanging upside-down and shooting people? Worked in Boondock Saints.

I've not seen the movie, but the video game was pretty brutal as I recall...

There IS no audience for this movie, except teenagers and other persons who do not know the true marks of quality when they see them. It's a lame assed attempt at a sequel, and I'd rather stay home and watch Dark Knight on DVD again than see a sequel to a movie I HATED!

In short, it's Mamma Mia for guys.

In short, it's Mamma Mia for guys.

Who's gonna be boogs, then?

(I kid. I kid because I love.)

Oh, and may I be the first/latest to complain about that Pamela Anderson ad on the sidebar. Picture this...you're lonely, and you intend to debase yourself. For some odd reason, maybe your insane crush on her in eighth grade before she became "trashy hot", you decide to check out the Pamela Anderson video. You click on the risque looking picture, with the suggestive ad copy (because "sexy" and "graphic content" usually means skinorama) and instead of Ms. Anderson doing what she does best (read: all she really knows how to do) you see a link to her film "Kentucky Fried Torture".

Now, I do believe the cause of animal activism is a worthy one, even with the real nutbags they have over at PETA doing it. BUT, there are somethings you don't mess with in this world. You don't mess with a person's constitutional rights, you don't mess with their dining experiences, and you don't mess with their database of mental imagery and media for their own self gratification, or "Spank Bank" if you will.

Ms. Anderson and PETA have done so, and I suggest that they be brought to justice upon the charges of false advertisement, gross misconduct on the Internet, and most highly of all the (mastur)bait and switch act they have pulled on my...er, the collective spank banks of the world.

(Basically, to solidify my point above, The Punisher: War Zone is such a non issue that I'd rather talk about more embarrasing and funny matters than pontificate whether shit should be justified in the popular culture.)

I once shoplifted a hardcover book of Pamela Anderson photos from a B. Dalton Booksellers when I was 14. True story.

RAY STEVENSON NEEDS A BETTER AGENT.

Goddamnit.

Mike R.

Now, I do believe the cause of animal activism is a worthy one, even with the real nutbags they have over at PETA doing it.

No, the cause is not worthy. Do you really want to equate the worldwide shame of slavery and execution with fucking chickens.

Don't worry, chickens are really fucking stupid, pigs are really fucking mean, cows are just as stupid as chickens, and the only animals you would ever want to hang out with are those that have been bred by humans to act like our children. In fact, some animals are real douchebags.

Chimpanzees will attack you in the nuts, and sometimes kill baby chimpanzees and eat them in a show of intimidation.

Dolphins kill porpoises either for fun, or because they are a little bit different form them.

Lions kill the cubs of a mother if they're not theirs so they can fuck the mothers.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, Cuckoos are even worse.

My point is, animals are mean motherfuckers who kill, go to war, don't give a shit about infanticide. And it took 6,000 years of breeding to prevent things like you dog from fucking killing you.

Heyheyhey now! Some of us are closet vegetarians, ashamed of our PETA counterparts. I couldn't give a shit about ethics or moral superiority; meat is just grody to me. Gives me the gags. But I have never hassled anyone about what they eat! In fact, the whole time I was in college, I managed to never eat meat and also to never arouse suspicion as to my vegetarian status, and I had three roommates!! It's easy, actually; turns out that people don't really care what you're eating, as long as you're not an asshole about it.

Eat and let eat!!

Since I haven't seen it done yet, I'd like to personally welcome Mike R. and snath to town, cause just when I didn't think things could get any funnier around here, they did.

Oh, and Jay? Periods go inside quotation marks, my friend. Sorry, can't help myself. I have a punctuation addiction and there's no 12 step program.

I'm a pretty open guy. I'll look beyond a lot of flaws for that glimmer of something, less obviously, good.

But that trailer... Looked fucking awful.

I'll be waiting for the review to pop up on Pajiba. I'm hoping Dustin is the one to do it. He deserves it for bringing this dross to our attention.

Thank you as well, bucdaddy. It's good to be welcomed to the team...it's a good team, and I hope it doesn't get moved to Cleveland.

bucdaddyOh, and Jay? Periods go inside quotation marks, my friend. Sorry, can't help myself. I have a punctuation addiction and there's no 12 step program.

I have been doing the same thing for years, decades even... Putting all punctuation within the quotes. But according to the big book of extremely anal grammar I have, just to make myself feel like I'm doing something to follow my dreams of becoming a writer (and this running sentence isn't helping that), I, we, you and I, have been wrong all these years.

According to my book, all punctuation that would be part of the original quote, as in, that which would be part of what appears within the quotation marks, must be included within the quotes. All punctuation that is part of the sentence containing the quote and can not be attributed to the quoted statement, must appear outside the quotes.

So, if I was to write, Arnie said "get to the chopper!" That would be correct. But writing the question, who said "get to the chopper?" I would be in error. I'd have to rewrite that as, who said "get to the chopper"?

It doesn't look right, it doesn't feel right, but there you have it. The "correct" grammar is to put punctuation not a part of the quoted text outside of the quotes.

Personally, I don't even care anymore.

I was under the impression that they made this because people seemed to respond to Garth Ennis' Publisher MAX series, which were grotesquely violent but not super lame like the earlier ones where Frank Castle had a full fledged uniform and was the gayest superhero of all time (hetero gay, not awesome gay).

Also, when I was little I thought Dolph Lundgren's name was Dolphin Grin.

Dustin: This is technically a re-re-boot. In every possible sense of that phrase.

Mike R.: Usually,* anyone over the age of 16 who uses Pam Anderson as inspiration to sling some grits is looking at out-of-date images or has a crippling lack of imagination.
(*I have no explanation for your situation)

George: Know what else is surprisingly hostile? Beavers!. And that no matter how many times you whop them in the skull with the edge of an oar, they will not stop snarling and trying to climb into your boat if you stray too near their lodge? Well, now you know.

Thomas Jane had gravitas as Punisher my friend, I've come to appreciate his movie it's a "gets better with age" type o' deal.

Jay:
Spiderman! SpidermanSpiderman! Spiderman!

Get a life...meet a human have some sex, calm down. Geez, gen X clowns (and I really hope for your sake you are no older) need to relax about these comic books.

That's right...I went there COMIC BOOKS! They are NOT novels. I used to collect these things and unlike a lot of "parent's basement dwellers", I also read novels. (though my spelling is crappy so be warned) It's an insult novelists that these half-assed pulp picture books have the word novel attached to Graphic just because a collection of superslackers don't have the frontal lobes to imagine as they read and are ashamed to admit it.

Yes Lee and Ditko's character has made millions, yes Supes and Bats made money and are Icons...so are Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy and Archie.

Graphic Novel...geez. Associating those weak things with novels is like calling Playboy hardcore porn. And what's worse is its a marketing ploy aimed at nerds that think they are too hip be marketed to.

Yes, Keanu collects, yes a few hollywood big shots actually collect...No you are not them. No, you are not the same as an art collector, you will never be. No, even stupid Bikini models are not impressed by the Spiderman (ha!) number 3 you have shrink wrapped in your parent's garage, you will not ge that girl.

Calm down, go outside have a life and stop playing with those toys you call collectors items. You're over 12 years old now...deal with it.

Really, its about time someone said it: Trekkies laugh at comic geeks...and they get more action too.

Wow, Embarassed, did a fanboy piss in your cornflakes one morning or something?

I don't really remember anyone really being that geeky here, or daring to equate comic books with novels.

But since I am bored (and that boredom leads to antagonizing the irrational), I will say this: I wonder how Neil Gaiman would feel about this whole "comic books vs. novels" thing you have going. Or Warren Ellis. Or Greg Rucka. Or Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and Michael Chabon. Or old-schoolers like John Byrne and Mickey Spillane.

I wonder how they would feel about this whole lack of imagination that seems to be a requirement for enjoying their "weak" endeavors.

*sigh* So, it's fine to be cruel to animals because they're stupid and occasionally assholes to each other? (Yes, I read that Cracked article too, George.)

Bah, whatever. I'll spare you my going all "bleeding-heart animal lover" on your ass, since it's way off topic and I'm too lazy and I don't want to be lumped in with crazy PETA types.

Comic characters like these generally suck on the big screen, both because they don't have the history or large fanbase of bigger-name superheroes and there's nothing special about them.

Frank Castle/Punisher - military trained guy on revenge kick. *yawn*

I'm not saying the classic superheroes don't have their own flaws and simplicities, but let's face it, the biggies we've seen in the past and lately have better twists that take them out of the typical action genre when treated right.

Iron Man: Rich guy who's basically a jerk but still wants to save the world, and have kick-ass technology to do so.

Batman: Psychologicall fucked up rich guy with almost a split personality who uses martial arts and way-cool tech to go after villains who are more psychologically screwed up than he is but, essentially, reflect aspects of his own psyche.

Hulk: Modern day Jeckell-Hyde motif with a guy who is ultra powered but doesn't want to be, because he cannot control what he does when he changes.

Spider-Man: Young geek gets lot of power and tries to be not only a better person but uses the costume as a way to project a cooler personality than he can in real life.

Fantastic Four: (yeah, I know, the movies sucked) Essentially, a dysfuntional family that operates as a super team. All that power, and they personal lives and interactions are a mess of love, jealousy and misplaced priorities

But when you get into Ghost Rider or Punisher or Blade...all you have are action or supernatural heroes with no special motivators.

Okay, Dolph's Punisher was awesomely bad, in that eighties since. Little dialogue, just a man on a mission, y'know.

I agree with Bslim, Thomas Jane's Punisher is like a 8 dollar bottle of wine. When you've been drinking two buck chuck for so long, you buy a level up and are surprised it taste good. Not great, it's no vintage French wine but a decent enough napa valley wine.

Now the new Punisher has a 50/50 chance of being better than Max Payne and can be enjoyed as a hilarious action flick (think 'Doomsday' with all of its Mad Max rip-offs). The director is a the lady who did Green Street Hooligans, which I loved despite it starring a hobbit. Basically, I'm willing to give the girl (Lexi Alexander) a benefit of the doubt.

To keep the wine metaphor goin, it's like one of those new wines with the trying too hard to be clever names like (Oops or The House), could be good or could taste like prune juice sat out in the sun too long. But you gotta cork it open to find out.

Dang, nothing worse than arriving late to a punctuation party.

The Brits put the punctuation outside the quotation marks (unless, I believe, the entire sentence is a quote), and I've adopted their style. It looks better to me, and makes more sense. Hey, I may be pulling a phrase from someone else to make a point, but I'M still running the sentence, dammit! So, to Benjamin Disraeli, H.L. Mencken, Pogo, and all the rest of you, know your role!

Speaking of grammar, how did this get a comfy weekend, "All too itself?"?

."?

Nobody actually seems to have answered Dustin's question yet, so I will take a crack at it.

The thing about the Punisher is this: for about ten years now there has been two different Punishers. I don't mean in a literal Superman-Red/Superman-Blue way. Here, I speak metaphorically, because there is Garth Ennis' Punisher and everybody else's Punisher.

The essential difference between the two is this: everybody else's Punisher ranges from "suck-ass" to "tolerable at best." Garth Ennis' Punisher ranges from "brilliant black comedy" to "grim violent noir-crime masterpiece."

The Thomas Jane Punisher movie stole quite a few elements from the first Ennis run, the black comedy run (which is why it had Kevin Nash in it as a giant Russian, which believe it or not is actually very toned down from what was in the comics). It is a distant degradation many times over of the original Ennis madness, of course, but there's enough of the crazy batshit madness to make that movie actually quite tolerable, as a previous poster pointed out, in a "fun crap" sort of way.

However, the marketing for Punisher: War Zone make it clear that this time around Marvel is really playing up to the thematic points of the second Ennis run on The Punisher, which is hands down one of the most brilliant runs of comics of the last twenty years.

It's only barely a superhero comic, frankly, because Ennis recognized early on that the Punisher is an insane serial killer, and you can either play it for laughs (like he did in his first run) or take that dead seriously and run with it and really take it apart with all the impications, piece by piece. Ennis alternates between getting into the Punisher's crazy-ass, utterly joyless head and telling the stories of the total bastards the Punisher kills and making it clear these are people who need a good killing (while simultaneously oft-times making them sympathetic, and yes, that's not easy).

All the hints are there. Ray Stevenson isn't a pretty man, and neither is the noir version of the Punisher (a beat-up late-50s giant of a man with scars and wounds to spare). The trailer quotes the comic a couple of times and it makes it clear this is a VERY VERY VERY violent movie, which is exactly proper.

And that's why this is - well, not important, but it's why us comic fans hold out hope.

The problem with The Punisher is that the back story is more compelling than the actual character. It could never really be a franchise, just a series of reboots