Will this be the one? Will this be the film to finally break the shitty video game movie curse? Personally, I think that Resident Evil managed that, but people are pretty divided over that one.
Regardless, here’s the trailer for Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, directed by Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire). It stars a jacked up Jake Gyllenhaal and the adorable Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace), and is clearly going to be pretty special effects-heavy. It also looks … kind of underwhelming. It’s got that sort of clunky, nerdlinger dialogue that works fine in games, but sometimes ends up being a little too silly in movies (“we must take the dagger to the secret guardian temple!” Really? Someone wrote that line?). Also, Ben Kingsley looks kind of ridiculous, and I have no idea why Gyllenhaal has a British accent. Maybe the Prince studied at Cambridge? I have no goddamn idea. I’ve played the game on the PS3 (as well as the middling 2nd and 3rd games) and I don’t recall any Brits.
So yeah. Interesting, I guess. It gives me some hope that there’s some real talent involved, particularly with the likes of Alfred Molina in the supporting cast. But so far, I’m not feeling it. You?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2009 11:05 AM
Looks aight, Jake Gyllenhaal is usually good. I'll wait for the dvd but fingers crossed this won't blow goats.
Posted by: Mebe at November 3, 2009 11:06 AM
I always felt that Silent Hill was a particularly good video game movie. It wasn't perfect, but it had the right feel to it and some generally creepy parts. I enjoy it, though the poor, cool cop lady really doesn't deserve the fate she receives.
Posted by: Forbiddendonut at November 3, 2009 11:10 AM
British accent = shorthand for any foreign language in American movies.
Posted by: lizella at November 3, 2009 11:15 AM
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough... and it gets everywhere.
Ancient Persians had British accents, dontcha know?
That looks positively terrible.
Posted by: MM at November 3, 2009 11:17 AM
British accent = ancient.
Back in Egyptian Times and Greek Times and Roman Times, everyone spoke in an British accent. It shows that they were classicaly trained and cultured, like all ancient peoples.
Posted by: Forbiddendonut at November 3, 2009 11:27 AM
Ooh, Jake pretty. Pretty Jake.
Pretty FX, pretty colors...Jake so pretty. Jaaaake.
[clears head with violent shake]
Did I just see all the good parts in the whole goddamn movie in that trailer?
From the trailer, this is actually a bastardization of all three of the PoP games. He's dressed like he was in the 2nd game, and I saw the daggertail from the crappy 3rd one.
Could be good, probably won't be, hope it at least doesn't suck.
And I agree with Forbiddendonut, Silent Hill was about the best video game movie.
Posted by: Nomanisat at November 3, 2009 11:40 AM
Well, I'm not *feeling it* feeling it.
Tell you what I'd *like* to be feeling though... Jake Gyllenhaal's nekkid [redacted in the interest of preserving the family quality of this website].
Unless he's actually made of sand. Because that would get into places that [redacted because ew].
You know, at first I was all appalled that Ben Kingsley (GANDHI! STERN!) did all those horrible movies but eventually I just started to understand that it's all part of the package. He is SO awesome that he goes into the lowest depths of awful to come right back up to being the awesomenest thing in the world again.
I love that man. He will do ANYTHING. I want to give him a medal.
Anyway, this looks very pretty and ridiculous. And fun. I'll watch it, cos the game is awesome. And Jake is so pretty...and about as Persian as I am.
I get the I just saw all the good parts in the trailer feeling too. But this doesn't look half bad. I thought Brendan Frazer and Rachel Weiss were in this though, no?
Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at November 3, 2009 11:41 AM
Played it.
Posted by: twig at November 3, 2009 11:50 AM
Yay, Jake! Pretty, Jake! Fake accent...Jake? Eh. Whatever. I'll watch it for Jake and laugh at all the ridiculously bad parts.
Posted by: bonnie at November 3, 2009 11:53 AM
Gemma Arterton looks like she'll be annoying once again. She just rubs me the wrong way. She was one of the worst things of Quantum of Solace (which actually, was filled with crappy things) Most boring Bond Girl ever.
Posted by: Derreck at November 3, 2009 11:56 AM
the British accent is probably for consistency's sake. it would be a bit jarring for the protagonist to speaking with a certain accent while the rest of the cast speaks with another ... while it would be nice to have Persians in a film called "Prince of Persia", that would be asking way too much from Hollywood
that's my guess at least
and yeah, the trailer is meh at best ... for me at least
Posted by: lelnguye at November 3, 2009 12:01 PM
Also, nice title font choice. Were they having a clearance sale at the death metal font emporium?
Posted by: twig at November 3, 2009 12:04 PM
Isn't Persia what is now known as Iran?
So basically this movie is about some Islamo-fascist prick?
Fuck this terrorist propaganda bullshit, man.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2009 12:12 PM
I agree they should cast actual Persians as Persians, except actual Persians are scary, especially when they play Persians. Persians are less scary when they're Mexican or ambiguous brown people.
Posted by: Dre Strangelove at November 3, 2009 12:18 PM
Just throwing this out there, but in the Sands of Time video game on the Gamecube and PS2 and such, the Prince DID have a British accent.
...ladies.
Posted by: chayes at November 3, 2009 12:20 PM
Balls-out awful dialogue.
I thought Ben Kingsley learned after Bloodrayne. I was wrong.
Posted by: Christian H. at November 3, 2009 12:21 PM
Sofia, you beat me to it.
I thought Resident Evil sucked, but Silent Hill was reasonably scary. Forbiddendonut, I too was deeply bummed by the poor cop's fate.
This looks cool enough for me to check it out. It's a little known fact that if your movie has swords, horses, or is set in ancient times, your actors MUST have British accents. Unless they're bad guys, in which case, German.
My favorite example of this is Swing Kids, about a group of plucky British youngsters who just want to swing dance while Hitler conquers the world. The kids all have American accents, despite being British, and everyone else has a German accent, despite also being British.
There is one guy in the film with a British accent, so I suppose he must be Scottish.
Posted by: DeadBessie at November 3, 2009 12:30 PM
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough... and it gets everywhere.
Posted by: Sofía at November 3, 2009 11:16 AM
---
This is why I like going to the beach but never go in the water.
*scratches imaginary itch in asscrack*
Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 3, 2009 12:41 PM
I just can't get over the fact that a poor animal died on top of his head during the making of the film and no-one bothered to tell him.
They just... kept filming.
How sick is that?
Seriously, though, worst. wig. ever. Not even the six pack of rippling abs or the British McSexy accent in a can (tm) is capable of overcoming the awfulness.
And that chick's voice is processed so heavily she might as well be in Glee.
Posted by: linny at November 3, 2009 12:52 PM
Okay, don't get me wrong, Gemma Arterton is adorable. BUT! You're seriously telling me that a British ginger is the best actress they could find to play a Persian princess (or whatever)? That's worse casting (ethnically) than Gyllllenhaaalll!
Posted by: Jenilane at November 3, 2009 1:02 PM
Oh Bslim, You so funny.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 3, 2009 1:14 PM
>
OK Twig, that made me laugh here at my desk at work. So much so I had to watch that god awful trailer just to see for myself. Ugh... I typeset crap for a living and yeah, I agree. What the fuck?
Posted by: Beckster "Tri-Tip Goddess" at November 3, 2009 1:18 PM
The Silent Hill film was OK. It got lots of things right but it didn't have the gloomy, lonely feel of the games or any of the psychological wierdness so it felt kind of wrong, and it got kind of goofy towards the end. It's still the best video game movie though.
Posted by: Steph at November 3, 2009 1:29 PM
As a Persian, I dont think I can be that appalled at the casting of JG-- mostly because last time a big movie casted had a Persian King, he was basically portrayed as a puertorican Rue Paul.
Posted by: hm15 at November 3, 2009 1:30 PM
Pirates of the Caribbean with sand.
Pass.
Posted by: commanderfunky at November 3, 2009 1:30 PM
Pirates of the Arabian (pronounced Ah-rab-bee-un).
Posted by: BWeaves at November 3, 2009 1:35 PM
Ahhhhhhhhh! Comanderfunky beat me to the Enter button.
Posted by: BWeaves at November 3, 2009 1:36 PM
"Hey do you think we ran that Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy into the ground enough? Maybe? Well, I've got some fresh ideas about some good-to-mediocre video game franchises... by fresh ideas I mean let's run this shit into the ground."
Posted by: danny at November 3, 2009 1:46 PM
Oh, and Silent Hill/Resident Evil both tie for best video game movie.
Posted by: danny at November 3, 2009 1:48 PM
What is with movies of video games having dialogue/plot that is worse than the actual game it was based on? First Max Payne, now this... Especially considering that the only requirement for a game to be considered to have a "good story" is for the story not to be mind-shatteringly terrible.
Posted by: Royalewithcheese at November 3, 2009 2:01 PM
lelnguye is right. The Brit talk is for consistency, but it's also the Hollywood fallback for "anything that's supposed to sound foreign." As in, a film will be set in Germany, but all the actors will be American speaking in generic British accents. It's the great equalizer, which is a shame. As always, instead of being accurate, they aim for what's easy/what many Americans won't question.
Posted by: Sarah C. at November 3, 2009 2:10 PM
Why didn't they just put Gemma in blackface?
Really, they couldn't get Priya Rai to do this?
Posted by: cj at November 3, 2009 2:21 PM
Gyllenhaaaal has never really interested me. But I do like me a generic big popcorn movie every once in a while and he does have nice abs... Also, Ben Kingsley AND Alfred Molina? Huzzah!
I have to say though, casting Persians would have made this a totally different movie. Or at least somebody that looks more remotely middle Eastern than Aladdin up there. I might have gone to that one.
hm15: As a Persian, I dont think I can be that appalled at the casting of JG-- mostly because last time a big movie casted had a Persian King, he was basically portrayed as a puertorican Rue Paul.
Hmmm the beginning looked semi-interesting, but then I realized this was The Mummy meets National Treasure with the One Ring Dagger thrown in for good measure. Meh.
Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at November 3, 2009 7:09 PM
So, did they just show the entire motherfucking movie in under 3 minutes?
Posted by: sailboat at November 3, 2009 7:21 PM
Jake Gyllenhaal really? What's the guy that plays Sayid on Lost doing? I'm sure he would of been cheaper.
Posted by: Miserydays at November 3, 2009 7:54 PM
Am I the only mofo who spotted Henry Hill in that trailer? And kudos to whoever played Assassin's Creed, clearly ripping it off in the first shot.
I understand you cast a recognizable actor in Gyllenhall. He looks like he's having fun, and he certainly put in a good effort swallowing all those pill-I MEAN LIFTING THOSE WEIGHTS RAWR!!
But Gemma Athtethrethon? You couldn't find a pretty Persian girl? I'm Jewish and I thought about converting after my jaw was dropping at all the knock-down beautiful Iranian women I saw when they were covering the political turmoil over there. (on a side note, I wasn't looking for it, but it was seriously distracting.) Besides, she sounds like a tart...
And Ben Kingsley, alright at least he has a rather browned complexion. But was that Ray Liotta? That guys like white rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm with a glass of milk.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend also agrees with me. He is 10 years older than me, lol. We met online at age-gap club -- http://AgelessMeet.COM/. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.
Well, at least my earlier scorn feels justified after seeing this trailer.
Posted by: Four Eyes at November 4, 2009 4:19 AM
Everybody would just better do themselves a favor, and instead grab Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (released a few years ago). It's fun, artistically gorgeous, and has two of the best-written characters in video games.
Gylendweeb looks gayer than usual in this.