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Have Faith In Me, Cause There Are Things That I've Seen I Don't Believe

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (25)

paul-bettany-priest-movie-1.jpg

Priest is one of those films that feels like it’s been rattling around forever, never to actually see the light of day. In fact, the first time we reported on it was September of 2009. Now, the film is actually complete and is set to be released in May — the week after Thor and the same weekend as Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, meaning… it’s basically fucked.

That said, it still looks entertainingly stupid, or stupidly entertaining — pick your poison. The cast is a hodge-podge of weird, awesome, and crap — Paul Bettany, Maggie Q, Karl Urban, Christopher Plummer, Cam Giggety (whatever the fuck, I don’t care), Stephen Moyer, Brad Dourif, and Madchen Amick. I mean, damn. That is a random-ass cast. It’s directed by Scott Charles Stewart, who I respect because he, like me, has an abundance of first names. However, as a director (he also directed Legion), he hasn’t proven himself to be very good.

Here’s the synopsis, in case you couldn’t make sense of that bizarre-o CGI mishmash of I Am Legend castoff effects:

Priest, a post-apocalyptic sci fi thriller, is set in an alternate world — one ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires. The story revolves around a legendary Warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) from the last Vampire War who now lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian cities ruled by the Church. When his niece (Lily Collins) is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires, Priest breaks his sacred vows to venture out on an obsessive quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece’s boyfriend (Cam Gigandet), a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess (Maggie Q) who possesses otherworldly fighting skills








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Comments

Here's my one fear with this. That it won't be violent enough to make up for the stupid. See, I watched Legion (obviously with booze in hand...I'm not retarded), hoping that it would have enough fun violence to make up for the ridiculously stupid premise. And then they jammed in a whole lot of really bad dialogue. If they had included more battles between angels and the people, it might have at least been entertaining.

I fear the same with this movie. It looks like it has a lot of fun, if ridiculous, fight sequences. Those make me happy (oh the years of stage combat training...). But if they spend time on making the talking sounds happen...then it will suck just as hard as Legion did.

Posted by: KatSings at January 12, 2011 10:55 AM

Oh, Paul Bettany. I used to think it was Hollywood's fault for not giving him the material he deserves, but now I'm starting to think it's him.

Posted by: elizabeth at January 12, 2011 10:57 AM

This looks very watchable. And do we get a new vampire movie every time Christopher Plummer needs to make a car payment?

Posted by: Rotwang at January 12, 2011 10:57 AM

This is going to be bad, but I will gladly pay to watch Paul Bettany and Karl Urban beat the crap out of each other. And for once the villain is Christopher Plummer instead of Ian McKellan, so there's that.

The other two comic-type movies will make plenty of money, and I won't be able to escape them on cable six months later. I might as well watch this instead, since it will go on the Riddick rotation of "what the hell, we don't have anything else to put on at 2 a.m. on a Saturday."

Posted by: Reba at January 12, 2011 11:04 AM

Color me intrigued. TK, I'm looking forward to more info from you as its release date nears.

Posted by: tamatha at January 12, 2011 11:05 AM

Priest THE STAR WARS, a post-apocalyptic sci fi thriller A POST GALACTIC WAR EPIC, is set in an alternate world — one ravaged by centuries of war SUN BAKED DESOLATION DURING A CIVIL WAR between man and vampires AN EVIL EMPIRE AND RIGHTEOUS JEDI. The story revolves around a legendary Warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) JEDI (ALEC GUINNESS) from the last Vampire JEDI War who now lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian LONELY DESERT cities ruled by the Church EMPIRE. When his ADOPTIVE niece (Lily Collins) (CARRIE FISHER) is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires IMPERIAL THUGS, Priest THE JEDI breaks his sacred vows to venture out on an obsessive quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece’s boyfriend (Cam Gigandet) HARRISON FORD, a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff ROGUE AND SMUGGLER, and a former Warrior Priestess (Maggie Q) AN UP AND COMING WARRIOR (MARK HAMILL) who possesses otherworldly fighting skills.

Posted by: lubeg at January 12, 2011 11:07 AM

Aw, man, my strikethrough tags worked in the preview for that post. Now it just looks stupid :(

Posted by: lubeg at January 12, 2011 11:09 AM

Nice use of A Day to Remember.
Bettany gets a lifetime pass from me for playing Chaucer in A Knight's Tale , so I may see this.

Posted by: Parker Jammstein at January 12, 2011 11:16 AM

ITS A TRAP!

that line alone means I will go see this.

Posted by: Lennon at January 12, 2011 12:22 PM

Jedi Ninja Vampire hunting Priests? In.

Posted by: Paultera at January 12, 2011 1:01 PM

There's really not a whole lot of suck in the cast... I mean Cam Giggety (his official new name as far as I'm concerned) isn't that great but the rest is pretty kick ass. And Maggie Q! That woman kicks some serious ass and makes it look good. Might not be a theater view but I feel a new Netflix Hangover Theater entry in the making.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 12, 2011 1:08 PM

Wait - it's NOT the sequel to "Legion"? But it's almost the same movie! And there are so many unanswered questions! If God holds them to such a ridiculously high standard, why are angels so woefully inefficient?! Is evil grandma going to come back?! Why was this made?! Why did I sit ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT?!

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at January 12, 2011 1:21 PM

Not vampires. No sparkle.

Posted by: really at January 12, 2011 1:45 PM

Casting Stephen Moyer in a vampire film didn't strike anyone as too on the nose? Really?

Posted by: fionna at January 12, 2011 2:08 PM

Every time I see a trailer for this I'm struck by how much Karl Urban looks like Roland, The Gunslinger, from The Dark Tower series. At least, how I imagined him.

He would certainly be my pick for the part.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at January 12, 2011 3:13 PM

HAHA! This looks so lame.

Posted by: Deadpool at January 12, 2011 3:26 PM

How very Equilibrium-ish. Does that make it Crucifix Kata?

Posted by: branded at January 12, 2011 3:43 PM

oh shit, mini-crosses that turn into ninja stars.
this movie is serious bidness.

Posted by: sailboat at January 12, 2011 3:58 PM

Paul Bettany must really love priest robes and crucifixes because I swear at least one of those things is involved in half his movies.

Posted by: Dingles at January 12, 2011 4:26 PM

Yeah, I was mildly surprised but not really mystified that Paul Bettany was in this AND Legion, as they appeared to be VERY SIMILAR movies. But lots of actors star in "the same movie over and over again" and yet, we love it. (See: THE STATHAM.)

But now I learn this is DIRECTED by the same guy as directed Legion? Did they just not get it out of their systems? Did they film them back to back? Why not just make Legion II: The Legionning?

Whatever, I'm going to see it anyway. What?

Posted by: MM at January 12, 2011 4:57 PM

Karl Urban, Maggie Q and General Chang, for those reasons this movie shall be watched by me.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 12, 2011 6:03 PM

PAUL BETTANY!!!

I will see this movie in the theatre on opening night. And I will LOVE it.

Posted by: Kelly at January 12, 2011 9:38 PM

Sigh...this script better give direct tribute to Fritz Leiber and Gather, Darkness! a fantastic story from an accomplished writer. From a summary page on the intertubes:

Brother Jarles is a recently ordained priest/scientist, one of the privileged, who has found that the more he discovers about how his world works, the less he likes it. One day, while accompanying another priest to give commoners their work duties, a woman he was close to before being accepted into the priesthood is assigned to service the physical needs of the all-male elite. She refuses and, when his partner condemns her as a witch, Brother Jarles is pushed from discontent into open rebellion.

Sound familiar? Absent vampires, it's this movie. And the thing is the story needs no fucking vampires. It just doesn't. The story is about oppression, the abuse of power, the role of religion in guiding (or misguiding) the efforts of men, and more. It was groundbreaking and challenging when it was written in 1943. And it's an incredible action story. Without fucking vampires.

-a pissed off Frob

Posted by: frobme at January 12, 2011 10:04 PM

The World Court in The Hague has made it official: herforth, he shall be known as Cam Giggety.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 13, 2011 2:45 AM

I won't lie, I want to see this. Like, REALLY want to see it. But, on one condition. I want to meet up with my brother and our friend who is an *actual* priest and go see this. Nothing like watching an overblown CGI crap-fest about ass-kicking priests with a sarcastic twenty-something man of the collar.

Posted by: stardust at January 13, 2011 11:38 AM