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Paul Bunyan As A Horror Movie Monster? It's Real, And It's Not Spectacular

By Rob Payne | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (7)

pajibabunyanmovietrailer.jpg

I could have posted this a little earlier this week, but I’m going to admit that I thought a giant monster horror film called Bunyan: The Movie, about folklore fakelore North American lumberjack icon Paul Bunyan was a joke. Like, literally, a faux movie trailer meant to jab Hollywood for its new found darker and edgier public domain character adaptations. With the multitude of radass trailers this week, I should have realized my mistake sooner, because upon closer inspection — these are loafers?

No, not loafers, a real life movie trailer for a real life movie, which turns Paul Fucking Bunyan into a murderous psychopath out to slaughter sexually active teenagers enlisted into a behavior modification boot camp. Seriously.

It’s not a joke:

Yep, in case you were wondering, like Brian Epstein or George Martin was the fifth Beatle, that’s fourth “Mystery Science Theater 3000” cast member Joe Estevez in that trailer. Hey, at least he’s got work outside of narrating car commercials in lieu of his brother, Martin Sheen.

pajibabunyanmoviejoeestevez.jpg
He doesn’t seem to be any more confident about that previous assertion than I am.

Don’t get me wrong, the moment Bunyan reaches Netflix Instant, I am watching the shit out of it. (Preferably drunk.) I mean, the guy created the Grand Canyon by dragging his axe across the ground and made the Great Lakes just so Babe the Blue Ox could get a drink of water. But why would you turn that into this?

“The movie is a dark, contemporary take on the tall tale of Paul Bunyan. Kids at a first-time offenders boot camp in Minnesota discover that the legend of Paul Bunyan is real and is much more horrifying than they could have ever imagined. They incur the wrath of the 15-foot monstrous giant, who was banished from the town 100 years ago and thought dead.”

Or maybe the more pertinent question is, why wouldn’t you? We’ll have an answer one way or the other next year.

(via Topless Robot/Dread Central)


Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his ware can be purchased here (if you’re into that sort of thing). He thinks it might finally be time to sell his Johnny Appleseed slasher flick, Rotten To The Core.









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Comments

He's only fifteen feet tall, but he's wielding an axe with a five-foot blade? I'm beginning to think this movie isn't going to be very realistic.

This thing isn't just courting SyFy. It's already let SyFy get to third base.

Posted by: Craig at December 23, 2011 9:59 AM

It takes Bunyan-sized balls to include a sound bite from R. Lee Emery in Full Metal Jacket @ 0:25 mark.

I love seeing all the goober hunters aiming their rifles like they have a chance. Since they're stealing sounds from other movies anyway, they should have had Gene Wilder saying, "No no, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."

As for fighting off the giant, hmmm, who has experience fighting off a murderous giant in the middle of Scandinavian descendant woods???

Somebody should have called Ray Winstone 'coz clearly we need Beowulf.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 23, 2011 10:01 AM

Its grizzly adams. I thought he was dead.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at December 23, 2011 10:12 AM

You'd think the first clue the kids in the woods would have that something ain't right would be the two-story-tall piles of Babe the Blue Ox shit every 50 feet or so.

Also, if Paul is only 15 feet tall, he's wearing size 1,472 XXXXXXXXXXX shoes for some reason.

Clown Bunyan. Now THAT would be terrifying.

Posted by: , at December 23, 2011 11:07 AM

This needs to be a double feature with The Tripper, where a man wearing a Ronald Reagan mask goes around axing dirty hippies on their way to a protest concert in the woods.

Posted by: Robert at December 23, 2011 11:08 AM

Well...Shaq is 7'1" and has a shoe size of 23 (American) right? Potentially this dude has a shoe size of at least a 46 but more likely a 50+.

So his foot is like 30+ inches long.

Also...I'm going to watch the fuck outta this movie.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at December 23, 2011 3:17 PM

So they took a plot point from IT and made it into a movie. Awesome.

Posted by: Evan at December 24, 2011 9:39 PM