Paul Bunyan As A Horror Movie Monster? It's Real, And It's Not Spectacular
I could have posted this a little earlier this week, but I’m going to admit that I thought a giant monster horror film called Bunyan: The Movie, about
folklore fakelore North American lumberjack icon Paul Bunyan was a joke. Like, literally, a faux movie trailer meant to jab Hollywood for its new found darker and edgier public domain character adaptations. With the multitude of radass trailers this week, I should have realized my mistake sooner, because upon closer inspection — these are loafers?
No, not loafers, a real life movie trailer for a real life movie, which turns Paul Fucking Bunyan into a murderous psychopath out to slaughter sexually active teenagers enlisted into a behavior modification boot camp. Seriously.
It’s not a joke:
Yep, in case you were wondering, like Brian Epstein or George Martin was the fifth Beatle, that’s fourth “Mystery Science Theater 3000” cast member Joe Estevez in that trailer. Hey, at least he’s got work outside of narrating car commercials in lieu of his brother, Martin Sheen.
He doesn’t seem to be any more confident about that previous assertion than I am.
Don’t get me wrong, the moment Bunyan reaches Netflix Instant, I am watching the shit out of it. (Preferably drunk.) I mean, the guy created the Grand Canyon by dragging his axe across the ground and made the Great Lakes just so Babe the Blue Ox could get a drink of water. But why would you turn that into this?
“The movie is a dark, contemporary take on the tall tale of Paul Bunyan. Kids at a first-time offenders boot camp in Minnesota discover that the legend of Paul Bunyan is real and is much more horrifying than they could have ever imagined. They incur the wrath of the 15-foot monstrous giant, who was banished from the town 100 years ago and thought dead.”
Or maybe the more pertinent question is, why wouldn’t you? We’ll have an answer one way or the other next year.
Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his ware can be purchased here (if you’re into that sort of thing). He thinks it might finally be time to sell his Johnny Appleseed slasher flick, Rotten To The Core.
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