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You Don't Know The Real Paris

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (24)



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You know who we really just don’t hear enough about in the media right now? Paris Hilton. So thank God somebody finally stepped up to the plate to make a documentary exploring her fascinating and underexposed life. Here’s trailer for the film Paris, Not France, which was directed by Tom Petty’s daughter Adria Petty. Supposedly the film is to delve into the deeper side of Paris Hilton — no pun intended. You know, the “real” Paris. The one behind the cameras and glitz. The one who acts like her sex tape wasn’t a strategic and deliberate leak and who bemoans it like it didn’t launch her entire vapid, pointless career. But this here, was hands down my favorite line from the trailer:

“People see me as, like, this Barbie with a perfect life … Fantasy … Whatever.”

Why, heavens. I don’t know what could have possibly given anyone that impression. Certainly not the fucking diamond-encrusted pink monstrosity she drives around in. But she’s right. She really is nothing like Barbie. Sometimes Barbie had jobs, like doctor or veterinarian or McDonald’s employee. She might get paid for it, but no matter how you toss it, showing up to places acting like a whore still doesn’t count.

Cross-posted at Webster’s Is My Bitch.









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Comments

BOYCOTT. Don't even post a comment.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 18, 2009 5:40 PM

She has a depth? Besides the cavern in her skull?
Really?

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 18, 2009 5:41 PM

Fuck Paris! She's the ugliest woman ever, and her vagina causes cancer. And not even the most ardent feminist ever would defend against that.

Posted by: George at May 18, 2009 5:47 PM

I thought everyone forgot about her. I mean, it's like staring into the sun, only the sun causes sweet, sweet blindness.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at May 18, 2009 5:51 PM

The Barbie-Paris comparison does not hold up under scrutiny:

1. Barbie has boobs.

2. Barbie has better taste in clothes.

3. Barbie has a steady boyfriend

4. Barbie has held jobs.

5. Barbie has friends

Posted by: manderly at May 18, 2009 5:51 PM

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Posted by: Melissa at May 18, 2009 5:52 PM

Wow, we got to hear her real voice there for a few seconds! That stupid kitteny squeak she usually uses is at the top of hate-hate list. I would think she was smarter and had more to offer if she'd ditch it.

Posted by: king at May 18, 2009 5:52 PM

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Hasn't her oversaturation caused most of us, like Paris before us, to lose that reflex by now?

Posted by: I can't sign my name to this one at May 18, 2009 5:59 PM

I'm adding to the manderly list:

6. Barbie's never been arrested.

7. Barbie's groin isn't a twisted, mangled mess, ripe with sickness...

8. Barbie has animals that she actually takes care of.

9. Barbie's eyes are even.

10. Barbie's groin isn't a... oop. Already did that one.

Posted by: Skitz at May 18, 2009 6:05 PM

Dude you know that just by posting this you've increased our collective likelihood to get herpes?

THANK YOU STACEY.

Posted by: figgy at May 18, 2009 6:19 PM

11. Barbie isn't a fucking waste of life and a blight upon the world.
12. Barbie, 50 years old, is still relevant and people know who she is. You've become irrelevant and despised after 15 minutes of fame. Just die.

Posted by: figgy at May 18, 2009 6:21 PM

11. Barbie was totally good friends with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and G.I. Joe

12. Barbie had tons of homemade outfits

13. Barbie was not blonde...oh, wait, I'm just talking about my Barbies..still totally not PH

Posted by: HB at May 18, 2009 6:25 PM

figgy, I think you need a hug.

Posted by: chayes at May 18, 2009 6:26 PM

Best advice I ever got from a writing teacher:

You are not a myth.


The quote you selected is soooooo intended to sound mythologized. If I can't be a myth, this bitch can't.


I'd still hit it, though.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at May 18, 2009 6:27 PM

You guys are dickholes in a barnyard fence. Don't you see you just don't get Paris? She wanted to be Diana but now you've gone and taken that perfect life away from her. You! Did it! Gaaagh!

Posted by: Jackseppelin at May 18, 2009 6:45 PM

Paris is deep. Well, her asshole is deep. It's damn near cavernous at this point.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 18, 2009 8:31 PM

I see she is currently visiting Cannes.

Those fuckers will let anyone into Cannes nowadays won't they? I know it's all a big joke now, and people go there just to be seen, and the real talent is always overshadowed by the Hollywood assheads (yep, just said that) who go with nothing to promote other than their std encrusted genitalia exiting off a yacht, but god-damnit, can't they just hire a few thousand snooty French bouncers to guard the city and keep the likes of Paris Hilton the fuck out?! Just for a few days?!

And where is the poetic justice in the world, by the way? She wants to be like Lady Diana and Marilyn Monroe? Fantastic; fucking die already then!

Posted by: Sarah at May 18, 2009 8:42 PM

chayes, maybe. It'd keep me from taking a bat to Paris Hilton.

Posted by: figgy at May 18, 2009 9:06 PM

I'm gonna torrent the fuck outta this and hate myself for it in the morning.

Posted by: t at May 18, 2009 10:20 PM

7. Barbie's groin isn't a twisted, mangled mess, ripe with sickness...

Posted by: Skitz at May 18, 2009 6:05 PM
---
Um ... you haven't seen what I've done with it. I don't think ... oh damn, I left the curtains open again.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 19, 2009 12:29 AM

wow, her real voice is so real.

Posted by: jasper at May 19, 2009 9:00 AM

She reminds me of the cartoon rendering of Aeon Flux. I keep expecting her skinny, nasty, all-joints limbs to fly out in all directions and at odd angles as she flies into the middle of a gaggle of paparazzi at the local all-you-can-eat buffet.
And didn't Aeon die at the end of every episode?
*sigh*

Quick tangent:
Has anyone seen Nicole Ritchie lately? No? Oh right. She grew up, got married, had a baby, and quit wrapping her vag around everything. I heard that Paris wants a baby. All that will do is increase the National Drowned Baby statistics by 1. What a useless human being. Wonder where she learned that? You guessed it. Mom's a vapid whore, too.

Posted by: Kballs at May 19, 2009 9:16 AM

WHY?

...

JUST WHY?

Posted by: DontStopNow at May 19, 2009 10:33 AM

Somehow that video and the way the trailer was filmed reminded me of Memento except the film's subject has no mind instead of one that skips from place to place.
Do we really need to see this side of Paris Hilton? Yeah, she's under stress and whatnot but I doubt that this documentary will vindicate Ms. Hilton and I don't think that it will be very enlightening to anyone who watches it, fan or not. I don't think you can truly blame your agents for making you the person the public perceives you to be, it's kind of too late to play victim. We know this puppy can't act, she is overly ubiquitous(if there is such a thing) and if you really wanted to be like "Princess Diana" then you shouldn't have made The Hottie and the Nottie. Maybe you should have gone out and done charity work like Lady Di did.
Call me colder then flat coffee, but I don't feel much sympathy for Paris or any of the like over in Hollywood.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at May 19, 2009 11:24 AM


















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