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Pajiba Loves You, We Will Keep You Safe

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (62)

cute-baby-angel.jpg

Shhhhh. There, there. Calm down. Relax. Nothing is going to hurt you in this post. We here at Pajiba will keep you nice and safe. Just don’t think about it. Let us guide you. Put your well-being in our hands. We won’t do anything to harm you. It’s OK, sweetie. It’s OK. We love you. We love you very, very much. You’re gonna be OK. Just gently press the play button on the trailer below, and let it all wash over you. Trust us. We care about you, and we would never let anything bad happen to you.


(Never trust a site that rhymes with vagina. We will fuck you every time.)









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Comments

...oh my god.

Posted by: Candee at November 5, 2010 9:06 AM

Excuse me while I go pour bleach in my eyes.

Posted by: Skeetikus at November 5, 2010 9:08 AM

The "potato salad" line got me. So did "razzle dazzle". God damn it.

This is truly the Thing That Should Not Be, but at least it's got plenty of slapstick for the kids.

Posted by: Paul Southworth at November 5, 2010 9:13 AM

I'm going to get you for this, Rowles. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I'm going to get you and it's going to be bloody and wet.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 5, 2010 9:21 AM

Godtopusdamnit, Pajiba does NOT rhyme with vagina. It's not even close. How many times do we have to go over this? That hurts me, and you promised you wouldn't.

Also: "Ghey-hey-hey, Boo-Boo! How about a nice pic-a-nic basket?" *winks*

Posted by: , at November 5, 2010 9:23 AM

Well between the creepy kid header pic and the creepy molestin' uncle talk that was just missing offering some candy, I knew better than to trust you, Rowles.

Posted by: Fredo at November 5, 2010 9:24 AM

Never trusted you Rowles. But wait it's in 3D!

Posted by: smithee at November 5, 2010 9:25 AM

LIARS! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF GODDAMN FILTHY FUCKING LIARS! DON'T YOU HAVE A SOUL? WHAT DID GOD DO WITH YOUR SOUL YOU EVIL, HORRIBLE LIAR?

OH GOD, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? TELL ME! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? MY CHILDREN ARE HERE WITH ME! MY CHILDREN!

OH MY GOD! I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS! WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN! OH MY...

[swallows tongue in rage-fueled fit]

Posted by: superasente at November 5, 2010 9:27 AM

Also, that's not how gravity works.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 5, 2010 9:27 AM

Sure, we have a few days of heated political discussion that is perhaps not as civil as it could be, and you hit us with Big Momma's house and Yogi back to back. You bastard. Is it just me, or is there a lot of bear genital abuse in this movie? Great, now I've typed the phrase "bear genital abuse" hello federal agencies gdsl;fkgj!!

Posted by: mrcreosote at November 5, 2010 9:27 AM

Also, that's not how turtle tongues work.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 5, 2010 9:30 AM

Have fun starting your car tomorrow morning Dustin.

Posted by: peanut at November 5, 2010 9:38 AM

Also, that's not how bears work.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at November 5, 2010 9:46 AM

I did like the safety manual part, but that was it

Posted by: Nicholas H. at November 5, 2010 9:53 AM

The Scooby Doo movies had better CGI than this crap.

Posted by: Skeetikus at November 5, 2010 9:58 AM

Neener-neener. Video is blocked for me. Bwahahaha!

Also, I know better by now.

/sticks out tongue

Posted by: Scully at November 5, 2010 10:00 AM

OP, tell us of your experience with turtle tongue. Tell us reeeeeeal slow-like.

Posted by: coveredinbees at November 5, 2010 10:01 AM

And, er, you too, Optimus Rhyme, you too.

Posted by: coveredinbees at November 5, 2010 10:02 AM

Godtopus has truly smiled upon me today and saved me not only from myself but from the evil Pajiba Overlords. The trailer-that-shall-not-be-named won't load in my mobile browser. So sorry he doesn't love the rest of you as much as he loves me and has inflicted a upon you pox of horrors.

Posted by: stardust at November 5, 2010 10:02 AM

I thought the severed moose head you woke up to two weeks ago was enough warning. It appears that I will have to escalate my level of threat. If ever you should do something so foul as this again, you will wake up next to me. Naked. Covered in pixie dust and lube.

Posted by: admin at November 5, 2010 10:10 AM

This movie makes me want to vote for Sarah Palin. She would know how to take care of this epidemic of picnic basket redistribution.

Also, how did Brendan Fraser not land the role of Ranger Smith? Seems right up his alley these days.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at November 5, 2010 10:11 AM

*removes boulder-sized fist from asshole*

Next time I must insist you buy me dinner first, Dustin.

Posted by: Kballs at November 5, 2010 10:15 AM

Sorry.. I couldn't even finish it.

Posted by: Doreen at November 5, 2010 10:17 AM

Foly huck!!

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at November 5, 2010 10:17 AM

Rhymes with vagina?

How is that even possible?

Posted by: nix at November 5, 2010 10:23 AM

It doesn't take a mensa member to know not to push play on any clip of the Yogi Bear movie.

So, for you gullible fucks who DID...you got what you deserved.

For you, Dustin...prick!

Posted by: Uncle JR at November 5, 2010 10:32 AM

how to take care of this epidemic of picnic basket redistribution.

bravo.

ugh what a waste of film this was.

Posted by: grace b at November 5, 2010 10:32 AM

Oh thank Godtopus. I assumed I would click on the link to find something about Human Centipedes.

It says something when Yogi is a step up from something.

Posted by: embertine at November 5, 2010 10:33 AM

This trailer brought to you by the Committee for Sharing Misery's Company. Thank you for watching.

Posted by: Human Centipede - Segment Two at November 5, 2010 10:53 AM

It's approximate rhyme, nix. No need to split (pubic) hairs here.

You know, you guys don't have to watch these trailers. It's much more fun being blissfully unaware that your childhood, and several generations of childhoodery, is being raped.

Posted by: RobP at November 5, 2010 10:57 AM

Hah! Didn't fool me, especially after that Jack Hack trailer...

Posted by: TrickyHD at November 5, 2010 10:58 AM

It's a good thing this never happened and that my mind isn't irreparably damaged! Phew! I'd hate it if this actually existed and I'd seen it and it had destroyed my mind! La la la la la, everything's fine!

Posted by: Caspar at November 5, 2010 11:11 AM

And to think this whole time I thought it was pronounced "pa-jee-ba".

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at November 5, 2010 11:17 AM

Trailers like this make me glad that I rarely take my kids to the movies and they know better than to expect I'll take them to shit like this. They can see Wall-E and the like but they will not see this.

Posted by: pickled tink at November 5, 2010 11:22 AM

Meh, it looks like anything else by the Coen brothers.

Posted by: Einstien at November 5, 2010 11:25 AM

Well they always say shit rolls downhill, but here in Pajibaland it TSUNAMIS!

Posted by: bleujayone at November 5, 2010 11:34 AM

And to think this whole time I thought it was pronounced "pa-jee-ba".

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at November 5, 2010 11:17 AM

It is. Don't let Minitrue up there cut up our language.

It doesn't rhyme with vagina to me.

Posted by: coryo at November 5, 2010 11:37 AM

I'va always pronounced it Pajeeba too. This is America. I can do what I want.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 5, 2010 11:41 AM

omg i can't wait to not see this!

Posted by: gp at November 5, 2010 11:54 AM

I know that header pic is meant to lull us into a false sense of security, but that baby is giving me the creeping heebie jeebies. He/She/It has dead eyes and serial killer smile and I'm fairly certain He/She/It is here to eat my soul.

Posted by: coveredinbees at November 5, 2010 12:02 PM

True story: that's actually the tape that inspired The Ring. This site is going to be a whole lot less populated in seven days. May flights of rainbows guide you to Godtopus' undulating tentacles.

Posted by: Robert at November 5, 2010 12:10 PM

Eh, that wasn't so bad. I was bracing myself for something Human Centipede-related.

And to rhyme with vagina, wouldn't it have to be Pajina? I agree with those who say they pronounce it "pa-gee-ba"--it's just more fun to say.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 5, 2010 12:15 PM

My God, doesn't anybody listen to Stephen Colbert?
Bears are dangerous!

Posted by: Odnon. at November 5, 2010 12:22 PM

The problem with all the "Pajiba rhymes with..." discussion is that the guy who coined the name is (I believe) from the northeast part of the US of A. As in, the north of Bah-stin part of the country. So, he says other words funny all the time as well.

Trust me, I grew up in NY (around the city and upstate) and it never failed to amaze me that if you drive 2 hours north from NYC to Boston those wicked bahstids talk way facking diffrant. And it only gets worse the farther north you go. (As long as you're hugging the coast. Move inland to northern New York and New Hampshire and they sound normal again. Go figure.)

Posted by: Roorda at November 5, 2010 12:40 PM

I hope you're taking Lil Axl Rowles with you to see this film. You don't want him to grow up the only kid in his class who didn't see this childhood classic. Children can be so cruel, you know.

Posted by: tamatha at November 5, 2010 1:09 PM

"The following preview has been Approved for ALL AUDIENCES"

Well I am obviously not part of that population. Suddenly my gall bladder has ruptured from a stone the size of a softball and I have shit all over my hand. You hear that Rowles? Shit! And I'm not even sure it's mine!

Posted by: PissBoy at November 5, 2010 1:10 PM

I pronounce it pa-jee-ba, but then again I also say va-gee-na.

Posted by: Caspar at November 5, 2010 1:15 PM

Nice to see you picking up the slack on my day off, boss. That was well-executed.

Posted by: TK at November 5, 2010 1:19 PM

Mmmmm... hurts so good.

Posted by: jM at November 5, 2010 1:26 PM

Bears are dangerous!

Way to go, Dustin. Now you've put the entire office in danger.

Posted by: admin at November 5, 2010 1:34 PM

I like the picture of Satan used as the header tag. That thing will eat your soul much like Yogi Bear will eat your children.

Posted by: Dingle Berry at November 5, 2010 1:53 PM

2:32 too long.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 5, 2010 1:54 PM

Pajiba, you are a cruel mistress.

Posted by: KDA at November 5, 2010 3:57 PM

I will never love or trust again!

Posted by: jadeblue at November 5, 2010 4:49 PM

Have fun starting your car tomorrow morning Dustin.

Posted by: peanut at November 5, 2010 9:38 AM

Have fun stopping your car tommorow Dustin.

Posted by: Nomanisat at November 5, 2010 4:55 PM

ok.

I didn't want to share this with you guys, but this is it. The straw. the edge.

My girl of 6 years broke up with me three weeks ago, I have no house in Amsterdam and it is hard here to find one. I slept on couches and now in a guestroom at a friend. But the cops might kick everyone out at tuesday.
My life is my friends (wich include some of this site), my laptop, my bicycle, and my job.

And this is what you give me?
This.
I could take it up to 56 secondes.

DR, You saddened an already alone soul in Europe. Sham. Shame on you. That in the hour were I needed you, this is your cold shoulder.

I'm going to get some tissues now*


*By the way, the above is not a comment, it is true. Single again. Shyte. Just needed to say that on this site. Because then it is more true. Dissapearing in archives.
Tnx**


**Ik haat je nog steeds, Dustin.

Posted by: Magiel at November 5, 2010 6:35 PM

Y'all need to chill. Yogi and Boo boo are cartoon bears that steal picnics, that's all they have ever been. Its not like somebody crapped on the Muppets.

Posted by: Karen at November 5, 2010 7:01 PM

I hate you Dustin. I knew it would be bad but I just had to pull off the scab.

Posted by: greer at November 5, 2010 7:02 PM

my brain just collapsed in on itself.

Posted by: Taylor Kozakar at November 5, 2010 9:23 PM

If you can be this cruel (and I think we all knew you could), what use have you for TK anymore? Fire that scotch-soaked terror hound.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 5, 2010 10:13 PM

embertine: To be quite honest, I would have preferred The Human Centipede.

Or fuck, for that matter, A Serbian Human Centipede. (Speaking of which, did Prisco ever recover from A Serbian Film?)

Posted by: Inferno at November 7, 2010 8:21 AM

Stopped halfway. Yogi's voice is all wrong and I think half my brain died.

Do. Not. Want.

Posted by: trib at November 7, 2010 5:52 PM