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Pajiba Challenge: Can You Stay Awake All the Way Through Zellweger's Horror Movie Trailer?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (28)

bradley-cooper-renee-zellweger-spain.jpg

Back in 2006, long before The Hangover made him a star, Bradley Cooper was finished up his run on “Alias,” and making forgettable mediocre movies like The Midnight Meat Train and Yes Man. The difference between all the crappy movies he filmed in 2006 and Case 39, however, is that Case 39 is only just now being released. My guess, too, is that Cooper has only a bit role in the film, but that it is played up in the trailer to capitalize on his newfound star power.

The lead here is Renee Zellweger, and maybe Paramount’s decision to hold off on releasing the movie had something to do with wanting her negative ratings to fall. Or maybe, they’ve been waiting all along for the right time to release a mediocre, bland-looking horror flick, and after four years, they figured that the time would never come, but they’d best go ahead and put it out there before the years age the participants in the film. I mean: There’s a little girl in the film that’s already playing a teenager in the Twilight movies.

Here’s the trailer. See how long you can stay awake.










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Comments

Made it. That's how bored I am right now. The depths of the boring that, that trailer reached was so stupefying that in my already lethargic state I could not do anything but stare.

Question: Will they ever not use the creepy girl character in movies? Seriously, it lost it's appeal after Bridget Jones.

Posted by: Kayanne at August 20, 2010 9:45 AM

wow. that was just ama-zzzzZZZZZZzz...

Posted by: ja at August 20, 2010 9:49 AM

Anyone else think that Bradley Cooper is the kinda good-looking guy who enjoys sleeping with tail way below his level of looks? I know that's a bit of an anomaly, but there are those guys out there.

And p.s. Rowles, I wasn't going to watch the whole thing, but god damn it I'll take 10 seconds of Ian McShane in a trailer of a movie I have no intention of seeing with enthusiasm. Great enthusiasm, sir.

Posted by: D-Day at August 20, 2010 9:49 AM

Shit, I fell asleep right after I read "Back in 2006...".

Posted by: admin at August 20, 2010 9:52 AM

Oh here's another loophole/semi-serious question; are social workers allowed to just up and adopt kids they investigate? Isn't that a slight conflict of legal/moral interests?

Posted by: D-Day at August 20, 2010 9:53 AM

that movie looks pretty scary. there was scary words and images and music. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get back to *yawn* sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: Nicholas H. at August 20, 2010 9:56 AM

D-Day

...good-looking guy who enjoys sleeping with tail way below his level of looks? I know that's a bit of an anomaly, but there are those guys out there.

Please give them my number. Although some may argue that BCoops the Emu may prefer tail that also doubles as a beard.

RE: Your serious question. This always confuses the hell out of me. I really find it hard to believe that social workers are allowed to so easily claim kids for themselves. I feel like... There should be a lot more red tape involved.

Posted by: Kayanne at August 20, 2010 10:00 AM

Funny how yesterday we were discussing a generic "actress" that needs to go away and here we have another one. Squishyface Terwilleger here shouldn't even be on Lifetime, she registers ZERO on the charisma-meter. Never seen her display any charm or personality whatsoever. She had her moment after Bridget Jones and then went all flaky on the weight gain issue that ended up alienating her newly found fans.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 20, 2010 10:02 AM

I made it through, but only because I was too lazy to reach for the mouse, and because I was eating at the time.

That said, I somehow managed to elevate my hatred of Zellwegger. That's impressive.

Ian McShane, you disappoint me.

Cocksucker.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at August 20, 2010 10:04 AM

"This always confuses the hell out of me. I really find it hard to believe that social workers are allowed to so easily claim kids for themselves. I feel like... There should be a lot more red tape involved."

You're right. There is. I hate movies that do absolutely no research and, yet, proceed.

Posted by: samantha t at August 20, 2010 10:04 AM

The Emu is not good looking

Posted by: Jay at August 20, 2010 10:08 AM

Swedgin' has to play the bills, too, Johnson. Did you see Kings? God damn that show was only going to work on HBO/Showtime. Hopefully he re-appears as Tai Lung in Kung Fu Panda 2: Stoner Guilty Pleasure Boogaloo.

But it was very cool to hear him talking about the country of "Gaaaaath" on the show. Ian McShane can put more disdain behind a made up, non-curse four-letter-word than any political political diatribe since the days of Daniel Webster. And we're talking Daniel Webster after Andy Jackson kicked his children in the rear and gave him a severe noogie.

Posted by: D-Day at August 20, 2010 10:13 AM

Aww Jay, the Emu looks totally ok in that trailer. He doesn't have the look of emaciation around him that's been there for a little while now and his eyes are quite nice. Be nice to the Emu.

Seriously, I hear those things peck like nobody's business.

Posted by: Kayanne at August 20, 2010 10:13 AM

*Throws down gauntlet*

I hereby accept your challenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*wha*

Ah hell, 1:53.

Wait, I know how this ends: The little girl is a dwarf and Ryan Reynolds is buried alive in the grave.

So I think I win regardless.

Posted by: , at August 20, 2010 10:16 AM

his eyes are quite nice.

They're the scariest thing for me. Always smiling and squinting at me with those scary, dead eyes. The sunglasses in the picture above help a lot.

Posted by: Jay at August 20, 2010 10:17 AM

Eh, dead is kind of a stretch. I've seen some empty lifeless stares in my time and his at least holds some semblance of life (kind of like yeast!). And as I mentioned, his lack of emaciation helps a lot.

Posted by: Kayanne at August 20, 2010 10:25 AM

You can tell this movie was made a while ago b/c Rene looks much younger and less emaciated here than she does currently.

Not gonna lie, I'll probably see it. I like freaky/scary movies, even though abotu 90% of them end up being terrible.

Posted by: Katie at August 20, 2010 10:35 AM

Eh, about as boring as a lot of other trailers. I made it through and I know there are some indie trailers I couldn’t make it through recently. I forget what they were. Granted, I’m an easy sell on a Friday morning.

Posted by: Harry Coverts at August 20, 2010 10:41 AM

Eh, I'm a sucker for stuff like this.

Also, the girl played Radha Mitchells daughter in Silent Hill. That's a bit of typecasting, don't you think?

Posted by: FabMax at August 20, 2010 11:44 AM

I saw this film.

It starts out okay even though Lemonface is impossible to watch and Cooper is not at all hot as a chunky, but Jodelle Ferland is awesome as always.

And then the writers smoked a bunch of crack and the plot goes to fucking PIECES and I just started wishing for death.


What's funny about this film is it's pushing Renee as it's major star but it's taken so long to get released that Renee's star has fallen, Cooper's has rocketed skywards and even Ferland was in one of the Twishite films with her own little side story and novella.

Which is sort of funny if you think about it.

Posted by: Nadine at August 20, 2010 11:59 AM

De-lurking to say that I've seen this. It's awful. It's beyond awful, because it is also dreadfully boring and hopelessly uninspired. There, I've done my good deed for the day and warned you all.

Posted by: blue_v at August 20, 2010 2:04 PM

If you throw it in a fire, it still smells like shit.

Guess what, Rowles? You're right. IT SUCKS.

Posted by: Kahntahmp at August 20, 2010 3:30 PM

I remember this trailer playing in front of a film at least a year or two ago. No idea it had been shelved, but it looks as awful as I remember.

Posted by: Reina at August 20, 2010 5:56 PM

Ian McShane, you disappoint me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Aw, come on, a guy's gotta make a living and that religious parable didn't work out. I love me some Ian McShane.

I remember seeing this trailer several years ago. It looks like the exact same trailer.

And, to whoever asked . . . no, a social worker is not allowed to just arbitrarily take a child home with them. Not for any reason. It is not legally possible. Besides that, there is no social worker I've ever known who would even have the time or energy to take a random child home to care for. These people have, sometimes, 100 cases each to look after. Most of them have enough problems just trying not to mess up and keep their clients alive.

Posted by: mslewis at August 20, 2010 8:20 PM

Meh. It was a Amurican-Canuckstian co-production, so what do you expect? Still, I stayed awake through the trailer. In your face, Rowles!

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 20, 2010 9:32 PM

weird, i live in mexico, (and not one of the major cities) and I saw this in a movie theater more than six months ago...

Posted by: gs at August 20, 2010 10:40 PM

it looked fun to me, but i am a sucker for horror movies and the Zell(though Prefer plumper Zell to tapeworm Zell)

Posted by: idleprimate at August 21, 2010 1:26 AM

Renee Zellwegger, you say? So it's classified as body horror?

Posted by: piedlourde at August 21, 2010 5:48 PM