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On Any Other Day, That Might Seem Strange: The Trailer For Nic Cage And Con Air Director Simon West's Stolen

By TK | Trailers | August 20, 2012 | Comments ()


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You guys.

YOU GUYS.

Nicolas Cage, the man for whom "eh, I think I'll pass" is no longer in his vocabulary, has re-teamed with Simon West. I know, I know. You're thinking, "the guy who directed The Expendables 2? Who gives a monkey buttfuck?" Because they only teamed up to make the greatest stupidawesomeridiculoulousamazeballs movie ever, the TNT/USA classic Con Air. Otherwise known as "the worst movie that I'm motherfucking proud to own." Also, did you know that West is actually the guy who came up with the idea to adapt Blackhawk Down and persuaded Bruckheimer to buy the rights, but then he passed on the directing job and did Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? Simon West is kind of a fucking dolt.

Anyway.

So yeah, they made a new movie, where Nicolas Cage is a professional thief but then he goes to the clink and then gets out and he's all good and straight and narrow but then Josh Lucas, wearing Joe Dirt's wig and David Spade's dignity, kidnaps his daughter and Nic Cage is all "GIVE ME BACK MY SON DAUGHTER" and Lucas is all "FUCK THAT YOU OWE ME A BAJILLION DOLLARS" and Danny Huston, who I adore, is a cop who's wicked unreasonable because he watched The Fugitive too many times and wants to be Tommy Lee Jones and then Malin Ackerman is there but no one really cares because Malin Ackerman sucks and then other stuff happens. ANYWAY, it's coming out soon and here's a trailer:


Holy fucksocks, that looks goddamn terrible.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • Siege

    Yes. I will see this. I will feel dirty about it, and my friends will give me ceaseless shit about it, but I will see it. And I will probably enjoy it more than my intelligence level warrants. Oh, Nic Cage, why can't I quit you?

  • Justin Kuhn

    Serves Nicholas Cage right for partnering with Kid Rock in the first place, sez I.

  • Is the movie a metaphor for Cage's career?

  • Where's the shitballs crazy? I was led to believe that there was going to be some major shitballs crazy. I didn't even see crazy Nic Cage! No bug eyes! No bizarre screaming! He didn't even have a stupid accent!!!

    This is what happens when you medicate the perfectly loony. They try to act and make some sort of taut heist movie and take all the fun out of everything.

  • Marc Belanger

    They couldn't even afford the REAL movie voice over guy...

    And, seriously, Danny Huston and Josh Lucas... Do you all REALLY need the money? Are the royalty checks just not cutting it any more? Goddamn.

  • marya

    Needs more bees.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Put the bunny down, TK. Put...the...bunny...down.
    Anyways, I thought the Joe Dirt wig WAS David Spade's dignity?

  • valerie

    OK, slightly off topic, but I saw Drive Angry last week and it BLEW MY MIND. If I had known it was about a deceased Nic Cage ESCAPED FROM HELL to avenge his daughter while saving his granddaughter from a cult I would not have waited so long to see it. It was no where near about just driving angry...
    I won't doubt Cage's ability to bring the fun to a movie.

  • TK

    Best Nic Cage movie in the last 10 years, no question. But really, it was William Fichtner who made that movie.

  • logan

    I love Cage i really do but he just doesn't care anymore. Once upon a time I thought he was gonna be somebody but that just shows what I know. He pissed it all away and there is not much sadder than wasted potential.

  • Can we just get Nicolas Cage and Samuel L. Jackson something to do together at this point?

    Also, I don't even know anyone who LIKES Danny Huston and you leapt all the way to adore? Really? I'm trying to think of one movie he has been in that has been better for his presence.

  • Maguita NYC

    I hear Robert DeNiro is available for making any (ANY) shitty movie possible.

    http://www.pajiba.com/trade_ne...

  • Groundloop

    The Proposition and 30 Days of Night come to mind. Yes, 30 Days of Night is pretty much a shitshow, but Huston and Ben Foster were the only 2 in the cast that realized how goddamned ridiculous the whole thing was and decided to have some fun with it.

  • I'm gonna take the hit here and admit to not seeing The Proposition yet, so I guess I should just shut up until I've seen the whole Huston catalogue. He's just so so so so so bad in Silver City that I don't know that I've ever been able to get over it. I seriously think that is the worst leading performance in a relatively mainstream movie that I have ever seen, and that's including Ethan Hawke movies. And his Jefferson in John Adams was such a disappointment.

  • Groundloop

    And I'll admit to not seeing Silver City or John Adams. I'll further admit that he often comes off as haughty and aristocratic which can be off putting. Maybe I've just been lucky to see him in stuff where his look and attitude works for the film.

  • TK

    I actually quite enjoyed his Jefferson in John Adams. But, you know, ymmv and all that shit.

  • TK

    Bingo.

  • MikeRoorda

    Lines that, when you write them, you know you're simply phoning it in:
    "That daughter of yours, she grew up nice."
    "I wanna talk to her, I wanna hear her voice NOW!"
    "This all depends on YOU."
    "I'm running out of time..."
    "I want this guy NAILED."
    "I am going to make him pay for the both of us."
    "Honey, I'm going to get you out of this."
    "Time's up."

  • Snath

    How can you not like Malin Ackerman? She's not the greatest actress (at all), but she's passable in Watchmen and she's in Children's Hospital, one of the greatest stupid shows ever.

  • valerie

    She was hideously miscast in Watchmen. The entire emotional plot centered on someone with no discernable personality. She Was pretty fanstastic in The Heartbreak Kid. I think she should stick to comedy.

  • TheReinaG

    I am shocked this review of Malin Ackerman didn't point out she seems to lose her top somewhere in almost every film role she has. At least the girl doesn't have a problem showing off what is arguably her best asset(s).

  • Ruthie O

    Even the announcer dude seemed over the trailer.

  • I fucking love Nic Cage and his completely unhinged brand of pharaoh crazy but I'll be damned if there isn't more relatable humanity emanating out of that fuzzy blue bear's eyes than his.

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