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Official Trailer for The Thing: Go Gargle Battery Acid

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (31)



2011-07-12-thing_prequel-thumb-400x592-27309.jpg

Every cell in my body cries out at the thought of a remake of The Thing. Carpenter’s 1982 film (a sequel of sorts to the 1951 The Thing From Another World) is a near-perfect slice of science fiction film making, so much so that even now, it’s relatively clunky effects are still affecting and impressive. I love everything about the movie, it’s a go-to flick that I watch several times a year, and it’s probably Carpenter’s best film (though my favorite Carpenter film will forever be Big Trouble In Little China). And while Carpenter has been mouldering of late, and delivering unfortunate and disappointing fare like The Ward (a film that he should have simply just stayed away from altogether), one cannot deny his classics, and The Thing is at the top of that list.

When I heard that Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. was remaking the film, I went into a foaming, screaming rage. Don’t bother telling me not to get upset over remakes — it’s not going to change anything, it’s not going to make me any less frustrated, and it’s just going to make me think you’re more of an annoying asshole than I already do. It’s one of my few sacred cows, and even though a decent cast has been assembled — Joel Edgerton, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje are featured players — we’ve had so many shitty, derivative and downright unimpressive remakes in the last several years that it’s hard to feel anything but impotent fury at the idea. It doesn’t need to be remade. It’s an excellent, flawless film (despite what my esteemed colleage Mr. Morton thinks), that has little room for improvement. A remake of it seems an ultimately pointless and uninspired endeavor, but when has that ever stopped Hollywood?

Joel Edgerton looks OK in a generic brooding guy in a horror film sort of way, but it looks like Mary Elizabeth Winstead is in full-on Final Destination mode, all open-mouthed reaction shots. And then there’s the dude from Fired Up!.

My conclusion: Needs more Perlman. It’s a tested and proven philosophy: Everything is improved with Ron Perlman.

Do I think the film will do anything more than suck festering lizard balls? No, I do not. And even if it improves slightly upon festering lizard balls, Screw you, Universal. Just out of principal, I’d like to force-feed you rabid lampreys.









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Comments

While I understand and fully support your impotent rage at this project (and all other lackluster remakes) isn't this a prequel of sorts? Not a strict remake? This is the Norwegians, right?

Not that it makes it right, but I'll admit, I'm more intrigued than rage-y.

Posted by: Rob at July 15, 2011 11:09 AM

No Brimley, no dice! The scariest thing in the first one was Wilford Brimley (with no mustache) turning into a tentacle monster.

Posted by: Zayaz at July 15, 2011 11:16 AM

And then there’s the dude from Fired Up!.

Which one? (Can't watch the video at work) The funny blond or the smarmy brunette? It makes a difference.

I thought yesterday it was confirmed that this is a prequel, not a remake. (Again, can't watch the video. Damn work filters.)

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 15, 2011 11:17 AM

Seems kinda like a prequel that has the same story?

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2011 11:20 AM

I actually really like Eric Christian Olsen. But then I have a soft spot for everyone who was in Not Another Teen Movie.

Fuck your yankee bluejeans! It's not one of those movie movies.

Posted by: Courtney at July 15, 2011 11:21 AM

Yeah, the only thing that makes me kind of excited for this rather than outraged is that it's a prequel more than a strict remake. But then again, I thought Sucker Punch was brilliantly, subversively over-the-top -- and that made it very unfairly maligned -- so if I remember correctly, TK, that means you'll want to shove my laptop up my ass sideways.

Posted by: Chez at July 15, 2011 11:23 AM

So if this is the "prequel" to the 1982 remake of the original does that mean we still have a remake of the remake to look forward to?
Awwwwesome.

Posted by: JenVegas at July 15, 2011 11:46 AM

"Do I think the film will do anything more than suck festering lizard balls?"

You have just insulted festering lizard balls.

Posted by: The Wanderer at July 15, 2011 11:47 AM

So torn on this. I love Carpenter's film, and if this can work into the same canon story instead of trying to replace it, then bully. But the trailer editting makes it look like it's full of cheap "boo scares," rather than anything that builds suspense.

As long as it ends with the helicopter scene that Carpenter's film opens with, I can probably forgive them.

Posted by: Markus at July 15, 2011 11:48 AM

Sadness...

Posted by: Sarah J-town at July 15, 2011 11:49 AM

For a remake, the basic plot structure looked eerily similar to that of the 1982 version. Right down to the computer generated graphic of the alien cell taking over a host cell.

Not that I am complaining. It looked decent, seeing as it's a fairly basic plot structure to begin with. The only place that really bears the white of consideration is how good the FX are.

Considering the talent behind the original, they've got a pretty steep bar to reach.

That and the music. Maybe it's just the homage to the original, brooding score that the new trailer had at the end.

Posted by: Some Guy at July 15, 2011 11:54 AM

Why is Vaughn there?

Posted by: reaperslogic at July 15, 2011 11:54 AM

The thing (see what i did there?) that bothers me about this is, when you set up more or less the same characters in the identical situation, where is there to go that the American crew didn't go? Is making one of them a woman going to bring a more "womanly touch" to the paranoia and carnage? I can't see where the plot line could possibly go that's new and interesting, before we even get to the fact that we know how it has to end.

Posted by: , at July 15, 2011 12:00 PM

Oh, and another thing: I know in the 1982 version the crew tried to make radio contact with the outside world and couldn't get anyone to answer (I'm going to figure because the alien was somehow interfering with radio contact), and then the radio equipment got destroyed. So they had some excuse in that they didn't know what they were dealing with and had no reason to worry about informing the outside world until it was too late.

But what's the Norwegians' excuse going to be? They find the flying saucer and the alien and then they don't TELL anyone else about it? Nobody? They don't phone home (see what I did there?) and inform their superiors? At least with a "Hey, we found something here, you guys need to get people here ASAP." They just decide to conduct secret experiments?

If you say well, the alien or the saucer may have been interfering with their transmission too, I'll say: But the alien and the saucer were there all along, and the base camp must have been there for awhile too, and I think they might have noticed if they were having radio problems before they found the saucer and the thing.

Posted by: , at July 15, 2011 12:27 PM

I suppose then that this film will just have the first ten minutes of The Thing stapled on as an ending, where the two surviving Norwegians in the helicopter chase the Thing-dog and are quickly shot dead by the Americans.

Posted by: csb at July 15, 2011 1:07 PM

See, I was hoping they'd do a remake that's more keeping with the original story, in which it's indeterminate whether there even was a creature, perfectly encapsulating Cold War-era paranoia wherein you can't tell who your enemy is just by looking at them. But of course, that wouldnt' be a an action-packed thrill ride that would sell well on Blu-Ray, so fuck it, apparently.

Posted by: ChristianH at July 15, 2011 1:29 PM

This IS a remake. I know they're claiming it's a prequel but that doesn't make sense, especially since no obvious attempt has been made to date it backwards and if anything, it seems to be set present day.

How can you call it a prequel when it IS just a remake?

I mean a bunch of burly, bearded dudes with flamethrowers running around in the snow?
What possible new story could you tell?
They can't possibly give us more information about the aliens since they claim its a PREQUEL which means the characters would have the same limited technology as the Americans did in the (sort of) original which means they can in no way fully explore what they've discovered.

Also why is there a woman in this film? To me, a big part of why The Thing was so great was the overriding dick swinging of it all. Wasn't a big part of the whole film about the distrust and paranoia that breeds between men? Not 'man', as in Humankind....but MEN? Blokes? How they express it and deal with it? (In most cases, badly. In MacReedy's case, Badassly)

So why is a woman thrown into the mix? I'd much rather see a bunch of hot blond North Men surrounded by snow and enemies having berserker rages when that fucking dog escapes at the end. I could watch that all day.


ALSO, Mary Elisabeth Winstead is a fucking chameleon.

Posted by: Nadine at July 15, 2011 1:33 PM

Actually.....if you get Kurt to regrow The Beard and work a Macreedy cameo in, I might bother to see thos.

Posted by: Nadine at July 15, 2011 1:40 PM

One of the the elements about the 1982 version that I like to this very day is the innovation behind the practical special effects despite having a small budget, no such thing as CGI as of that time, and how well much of it has held up in the years since then. I have since learned how to do many of these effects myself and am saddened by modern filmmakers who have abandoned them in favor of FX done in a computer. They cleaner, faster, and cheaper to create but far from better. Sometimes the older ways are still best and this film is a clinic on many of the best. If you can, watch the extensive "Making Of" features on DVD.

To anyone who argues that some of the effects are now clunky and dated- honestly they still hold up far better than many of the cheap CGI effects that are commonplace now. One of the reasons why the "82 movie does indeed look as real as it does is because for all intended purposes they are. Nothing holds up to film evolution forever, but I have to be honest, knowing what they had available, it would be hard pressed to duplicate these effects differently and get the same great results.

The trailer looks like an imitation of the first one (not unlike the alien itself) I don't know if it will result as a true homage, an interesting prequel, or just another failed cash grab. I will say that if they hold off on modern CGI except perhaps for post-production clean-up and attempt to make this movie in much the same methods as the '82 version, then they might bookend nicely. But if they fall into a CGI pitfall, they will look nothing like one another and will share very little beyond their name. 30 years later and John Carpenter's version still is must in peoples' libraries. I challenge this one to achieve that kind of staying power.

Posted by: bleujayone at July 15, 2011 1:45 PM

"If it makes it out of here, millions of people die"

Uh, not really. Being as I don't think they're a group of trained assassins, I don't see why they think that the military wouldn't be able to just destroy the thing before it caused too much trouble. It's not like they're a group of super-soldiers who are the only force on the planet that could possibly stop it. They're just archaeologists or something. If it makes it out, maybe fifty or a hundred people will die. But millions seems like a bit of an overestimation.

Posted by: A-schaef at July 15, 2011 1:51 PM

Actually the radio contact is to do with a storm.

It's stated early in the film that weather interference has shut down contact over most of the contintent for a while, my boyfriend seems to remember him saying 'for at least a month' and he's seen the film like, a thousand times. This month alone.

It's the same storm which later, briefly hits the American camp right as shit really hits the fan.

Macreedy is even reluctant to fly into it, which he has to do to investigate the Norwegians camp.

So sorry, not aliens or flying saucers, just bad weather and a handy plot contrivance of having all the radios destroyed JUST IN CASE the storm blows over.

So it makes sense that the Norwegians wouldn't have been able to contact any one at all while their own apocalypse was taking place.

It's apparently relatively common in the Antarctic (or was?) that radio contact can be completely lost for days or weeks at a time and people generally accept it and just have enough stocks and provisions to last them through not being able to send a request for more.

Posted by: Nadine at July 15, 2011 2:03 PM

The boyfriend and I had this huge conversation once that ended with us and a notebook and some pens drawing lines between brightly coloured bubbles and points of information.

We basically concluded, using cinema science which works because ITS SCIENCE, The Thing is from the same planet (and maybe genus) as a Xenomorph and The Thing takes place in the same universe as Alien and it's sequels.

We worked out that as since The Thing assimilates it's host and takes on their physical forms, and the Xenomorphs invade the host and take on ASPECTS of their physical form(HumAlien vs PredAlien and its vaginapenis head) that they could be from the same family.

Also, it's implied in Alien that The Space Jockey was transporting Alien pods for some reason and was not of the same species of them, but crashed the ship when one of them infected him.

In The Thing it's implied the ship crashed on Earth. It's also a ship capable of space travel. Or at least planetary crash landings. Since The Thing is a microscopic organism, it implies there was a larger alien on the ship, piloting, who may in fact have been a Thing infectee or saw the assimilation or physical collapse of an infected friend, and crashed.

We even figured the Weyland-Yutani corporation could have been funding the American research facility which led to them having some idea about the existence of life on other planets.

Posted by: Nadine at July 15, 2011 2:22 PM

Why aren't they speaking Norwegian? This is no prequel.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 15, 2011 2:42 PM

I don't know. This doesn't look that bad.

Posted by: Robert at July 15, 2011 3:15 PM

Eh, looks a bit generic

chick's got one expression

Posted by: Protoguy at July 15, 2011 4:43 PM

Whoever decided that over 2-minute long trailers for a film should be the norm deserves to see his soul devoured before his very eyes by the great Cthulhu.

I've never asked to know ever single twists and turns of a movie before seeing it! A person who hasn't seen the 1982's The Thing shouldn't know before coming in the theater that the alien life form copies its prey.

I should never pass the 1-minute mark of a movie trailer ever again.

Posted by: Waytensea at July 15, 2011 6:18 PM

Nadine, sweetheart, it only hews so closely to the 1982 version because they wanted it to be consistent with the best sci-fi/horror movie ever ... isn't that obvious?

Jenvegas, Carpenter's was not a remake of a remake. It was, to be sure, a more technically accurate adaptation of the original work.

Agree with most of the positive comments here, and there are few. But in the end, Waytensee, I agree. The trailer gives away too much.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at July 15, 2011 6:57 PM

Sorry, Waytensea, but over 2-minute long trailers have been the norm for decades. It's only since the 90s that the shorter, teaser trailer has evolved to whet your appetite while not giving a short synopsis of the movie.


Posted by: Some Guy at July 15, 2011 8:58 PM

No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. No. No. NO. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY? Why? Why? WHY? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?

I'm done now.

Posted by: Rev. Brandy at July 15, 2011 9:44 PM

Nadine,

OK, I guess that makes sense.

Allof us:

Why don't we just wait here for a little while, see what happens?

Posted by: , at July 15, 2011 9:52 PM

As a huge fan of the 1982 The Thing, the trailer kind of works for me due to the female lead. And it really is just a great story, isolated from the rest of the world, and the humans become the prey...a great plot device that has been successfully used over and over whether it is vampires (30 Days of Night) or zombies (28 Days Later).

I just hope they do not use CGI and instead stick to the latex and the goo! So much better (also in Alien / Aliens)...

Posted by: TrickyHD at July 17, 2011 7:41 PM