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Welcome to the Beyonce School of Bad Actressin’

Looks Like Ali Larter Just Caught Her Actressin’ Disease / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | December 19, 2008 | Comments (47)

Here’s what we can surmise from the trailer for the generic adultery/stalker flick, Obsessed: If Ali Larter flashes her bikini at Stringer Bell , you’d better believe Beyonce is gonna push a bitch down some stairs. This movie looks terrible, so why is it that I can’t wait to see it? Because it’s like a gloriously unholy symphony of bad acting, bad scriptwriting, and bad casting.

It’s gonna be awesome.









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Comments

Beyoncé Knowles the actress pulling a Sascha Fierce? Oh, this is SO confusing!!! Who's who?

Posted by: Sofía at December 19, 2008 2:17 PM

I LIKE Ali Larter...so this all makes me a little sad faced. I don't know why, there's just something comforting about her.

That being said, she look a lot like Fergie in that photo, which makes everyone a little sad faced.

Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 2:20 PM

The Hand that Rocks the Fatal Attraction

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 2:22 PM

FYI: "She" and "Fergie" never go in the same sentence.

Posted by: Sofía at December 19, 2008 2:24 PM

Thanks for the correction, Sofia...I'll try to be more gender sensitive in the future.

Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 2:26 PM

Ditto, Clee Shay. I thought of "Fatal Attraction" almost immediately.

Posted by: rlr260 at December 19, 2008 2:28 PM

FYI: "She" and "Fergie" never go in the same sentence.

Unless the judicious use of quotation marks is employed, as you've kindly demonstrated. As in:

Fergie used to be a dude, but then "she" got the ole beard splitter snipped.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 2:29 PM

It's got Jerry O'Connell in it, so you KNOW it's good!

Posted by: jimbob at December 19, 2008 2:30 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Beard splitter...You are my hero of the day, 'Shay!

Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 2:30 PM

That would probably apply to other male-to-female case, Clee Shay, but we all know Fergie still has a wiener between those legs. It's just tucked into his asshole. Hence the lack of Camel Toe.

Posted by: Sofía at December 19, 2008 2:32 PM

I used to think so, Sophia, I used to think so.

If you're brave, you may click on my name for the horrifying photographic evidence of Fergie's status as a big old post-op trannie.

Remember: some things can't be unseen.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 2:38 PM

*watches trailer*

*blinks*

*blinks again*

Uh...that is a pretty shoddy house they life in, if the floor just caves in like tha...BWAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!!

Someone in my family is so going to see this, and I am so going to kill them if they even breathe one word of it to me!

Posted by: Vermillion at December 19, 2008 2:45 PM

Don't want 'em to ruin the climactic ending for you, huh, Vermillion?

Posted by: feramones at December 19, 2008 2:47 PM

i just puked up some falafel.

thanks, clee shay. it takes some balls* to look at that picture.

*bad pun intended

Posted by: eat my shorts at December 19, 2008 2:48 PM

The Hand that Rocks the Fatal Attraction

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 2:22 PM
---------------------------------------------

Perfect call on this, I think you left out the Money Pit though. Looks like Christine Lahti aged well though, is this her comeback movie?

Posted by: richmac at December 19, 2008 2:53 PM

Don't want 'em to ruin the climactic ending for you, huh, Vermillion?

Indeed. I have already convinced myself that Ali and Beyonce settle their differences with a intense session of scissoring and other sundry activities. It is the only logical conclusion.

Posted by: Vermillion at December 19, 2008 2:53 PM

Camel toe? Fergie has a moose knuckle.

Posted by: isiahatripod at December 19, 2008 2:54 PM

I have already convinced myself that Ali and Beyonce settle their differences with a intense session of scissoring

Oh fuck me. Scissoring, V? I'm going to be laughing at that image all god damned day.

Posted by: Julie at December 19, 2008 2:56 PM

The end of the clip looks like an amped up version of "The Money Pit". I hope she gets stuck in the floor and starts rhyming to herself. "Lets try Bob! Bob-Bob Bo-Bob Banana-fana-fo-fob..."

Posted by: Max at December 19, 2008 2:58 PM

I love scary situations that make me laugh until I pee my pants. It's kinda like the super-dramatic situations in the original 90210.

Posted by: Soto at December 19, 2008 2:59 PM

So the role of "woman who's beautiful yet unassuming, but you don't wanna mess with her" goes to Beyoncé? Wow, Jennifer Lopez's career really is over.

Posted by: kushiro at December 19, 2008 3:09 PM

I have already convinced myself that Ali and Beyonce settle their differences with a intense session of scissoring

And how exactly is scrapbooking going to solve the problem?

Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 3:20 PM

And how exactly is scrapbooking going to solve the problem?

To rip off a line from an American hero, the scrapbook is her vagina.

It would be a hell of a better movie for it.

Posted by: Vermillion at December 19, 2008 3:27 PM

Immediately thought of Fatal Attraction. This movie IS Fatal Attraction except apparently the dude doesn't actually cheat on his wife.

And she's white and the couple are black.

GASP! The new twists on a old and rather crappy-to-being-with story are blowing my MIND

Posted by: NotBlonde at December 19, 2008 3:28 PM

well now that sofia has ruined my day with the image of Fergie's cock in his/her asshole I'm going to go home, run the bath and put a deadly jellyfish in the tub with me ala Will Smith.

Posted by: dylanj at December 19, 2008 3:34 PM

and apparently I won't close my tags either

Posted by: dylanj at December 19, 2008 3:36 PM

"crappy-to-begin-with" jeez...my morning hasn't started yet and it's friggin 12:40pm...

Posted by: NotBlonde at December 19, 2008 3:39 PM

Why does this film have to be PG-13? If it was R, it would at least have something worth seeing!

Ali Larter should have just done porn: she is an awful actress, and was only hired because she's hot, but no one notices because Heroes has so many terrible actors and actresses. She's like Meryl fucking Streep compared to some of the other actors on that show!

Actually, she's even worse than some porno actresses. In fact, that would be a good random list, Actors and Actresses worse than the people of Porn.

Posted by: George at December 19, 2008 3:41 PM

This is the third review I've heard about this trailer saying how awful it is. Wow. I can't watch it, being at work, but I'll take your word for it.

I can believe that Ali Larter is bad, because she's one of the worst actors on Heroes. I turn the channel whenever she comes on. She the requisite hot blonde, and they must be desperate to keep her because there's 5 fucking versions of her on the show!

Posted by: Brie at December 19, 2008 3:53 PM

Hold on. If Fergie had a dick tucked between her legs there is little chance she would keep pissing herself on stage.

Final opinion: She is a woman who tried to become a man, but the sexual confusion made her depressed, leading to her abuse of meth, but then she decided getting fucked in two holes while selling her body to get a recording contract was better than one hole, so she aborted the sex change, kept her meat wallet, but the hormones and meth jacked up her face though they gave her a killer abs, legs, ass combo.
And breathe.

Posted by: JP at December 19, 2008 4:26 PM

JP, you're beginning to frighten me.

Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 5:17 PM

Damn Stringer first you let Omarr and Brother Mouzone bus a cap in yo ass, then you turn around and let Zel do the same thang to you. Fast forward a couple of years later you show up in all places a goddamn horrible ass Tyler Perry movie. And now you done went all jungle fever on a motherfucker, Sir, have you no shame?

Posted by: Pookie at December 19, 2008 5:47 PM

Smokin, enjoy some eggnog and kool beans and don't fret. Nothin to fear hear.

Posted by: JP at December 19, 2008 6:30 PM

Sweet fancy Moses, Clee, it looks like the little man in the boat is sailing through an oil slick ...

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 19, 2008 7:01 PM

This movie could only be saved if Glenn Close shows up at the end to kill all these bitches.

Posted by: greer at December 19, 2008 7:38 PM

This DVD will fit perfectly between my Showgirls:Uncensored and Uncut and Electric Boogaloo 2: Bringin' It On. Can't wait!

Posted by: Be Adequite! at December 19, 2008 8:01 PM

I think this one will have to wait til DVD. The need to be drunk while viewing it combined with the inevitable urge to shout things at the screen might end badly if simultaneously indulged in a public theatre.

Posted by: Shay at December 19, 2008 8:45 PM

They show the whole story in the trailer! What else is left to see?? Remember back in the old days when the trailer didn't use to give away the whole movie?
Can anyone tell me why they do it like this all the time now?

Posted by: Clover at December 20, 2008 12:40 AM

I didn't like this movie the first time I saw it. When it was called "The Temp" and starred Lara Flynn Boyle and Timothy Hutton in their less bloated days.

Posted by: Candace at December 20, 2008 3:04 AM

Not to get all politically correct up in here, but the amount of misogyny in that clip alone is stunning. Women go "hunting" for men at offices? No wonder there are so many sexual harassment suits against them. Home wrecking bitches.

I want to slap everyone who had anything to do with this picture, including the caterers.

Posted by: Reba at December 20, 2008 11:45 AM

Stringer Bell is HOT! I totally forgot about that fact. This movie looks so bad it will never ever be good, not in a million years.

Posted by: ph at December 20, 2008 2:13 PM

This looks like something that would play on Lifetime on a Saturday afternoon (um...not that I have any idea what they play on Lifetime ever).

Posted by: Lainie at December 20, 2008 5:18 PM

Well, I watched a Tyler Perry movie for Idris Elba, so I'll probably watch this eventually.

And Idris Elba as a man that a woman would become obsessed with is NOT bad casting. It's obvious, but not bad.

Posted by: Rebecca at December 20, 2008 7:06 PM

Lainie, if it were a Lifetime movie, Beyoncé's baby would have died tragically before the film even started, Ali Larter would be crazy because of her ovarian cancer and the Stringer Bell role would be played by Valerie Bertinelli.

...actually, that might be much better than this movie actually looks. To the last-minute-retool-mobile!

Posted by: Shay at December 20, 2008 7:21 PM

I'm pretty sure I've seen this movie AT LEAST 72 times. AT LEAST.

In other news, I was trying to remember where I'd heard "actressing" before, and I finally did: It was that crazy blonde chick on American Idol last year who had glitter all over her face and thought she sounded like Janis Joplin (she didn't). Since she was denied a spot on AI, she was going to go back to actressing. Or possible be a veterinarian, or maybe it was some other kind of medical office-type work, I don't recall that part.

*phew* That was driving me crazy.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 21, 2008 1:27 PM

Reba - amen.

Posted by: samantha t at December 22, 2008 8:12 AM

enough with the tired knee-jerk "transsexuals are freakish and repulsive" chitty-chatting already, you all are much better (and usually much funnier) than that.

Posted by: v at December 22, 2008 5:53 PM