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Prepare To Witness Everything I Hate

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (43)

nice-guy-johnny_1-web select.jpg

I hate everything about this trailer.

I hate that it’s directed by Edward Burns, who I once thought was cool after The Brothers McMullen and She’s The One, two funny, interesting, clever romantic comedies. Except that he then went on to direct a variety of mildly amusing but ultimately hollow romcoms like The Groomsmen and Purple Violets.

I hate that it once again plays on the timeless trope of the slightly awkward kid falling for the beautiful girl.

I hate that the trailer is also totally misleading. Here’s the plot summary from IMDB:

Johnny Rizzo, is about to trade his dream job in talk radio for some snooze-ville gig that’ll pay enough to please his fiancée. Enter Uncle Terry, a rascally womanizer set on turning a weekend in the Hamptons into an eye-opening fling for his nephew. Nice guy Johnny’s not interested, of course, but then he meets the lovely Brooke, who challenges Johnny to make the toughest decision of is life.

I hate that too. I hate the use of the other timeless trope — the nice person who’s about to marry a total asshole.

I hate Brooke, who looks like yet another manic pixie dream girl, albeit one who looks nice in a bikini.

I hate the Death Cab For Cutie-esque song in the trailer, actually sung by PT Watley, who also worked on the soundtrack for Purple Violets.

I hate that the song has the lyric “when I found out there was heaven in your heart.”

I hate that Burns will show his smug mug in the film, as he does in all of his films, despite the fact that he also acts in garbage like Echelon Conspiracy, 27 Dresses, and A Sound Of Thunder.

Oh, I hate that he was in “Entourage” as well, because that just confirmed his douchiness.

I hate that Dustin isn’t the one writing this, because this is his kind of bullshit, not mine.

I hate you.

In short, I’ll probably see it.

Fuck.









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Comments

Oh man, she was on Scrubs 2.0 and she was very very awful. I hope she has somethign hidden away somewhere, b/c she was really bad on that show.

Posted by: Nimue at August 17, 2010 10:42 AM

TK, your posts are quickly becoming my favorite. Oh, the vitriol!

If anything, I think I hate Edward Burns even more than you do, since I didn't understand the fuss over "The Brothers McMullen" to begin with and hated "She’s The One." I will NEVER see this movie.

Why does anyone hire Edward Burns to do anything?

Posted by: jimbob at August 17, 2010 10:43 AM

*retch*

*heave*

*barf*

Posted by: , at August 17, 2010 10:47 AM

Outside of Saving Private Ryan I keep my house Burns-free.

That's not just Edward Burns, but Ken Burns, Robert Burns, the infamous Burns brothers from The Proposition and Montgomery J. Burns.

Posted by: Fredo at August 17, 2010 10:48 AM

I knew there was a reason I cleaned and oiled my spiked throat-punching gauntlets today.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 17, 2010 10:58 AM

I hate that this movie stars the kid from the AT&T Family Rollover Minutes commercials.

Posted by: KM at August 17, 2010 11:00 AM

I agree, this song eats monkey shat out bananas.
Oh, and this guy looks weird. It totally should have been (the guy who played) Topher Brink. He does neurotic and freaky geek pretty well.
Also, there are hippie chicks in the Hamptons?
NO.Nyet.Non.Not even.

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at August 17, 2010 11:01 AM

I hate that he refers to himself as Edward Burns instead of Ed Burns.

Posted by: sarahk at August 17, 2010 11:02 AM

Confidence was about the only movie I like that had Ed Burns. Mostly due to the presence of my next-life wife Rachel Weisz. The movie with Jennifer Anniston was ok. The sequel/remake to Brothers McMullen. But that's because Fraser's dad was in it and he's the shit.

Posted by: TylerDFC at August 17, 2010 11:03 AM

Man, the AT&T kid is really making a push for movies. Between this and High School.

This just looks meh to me. In fact, TK's post was far more entertaining than this trailer.

Posted by: Sassafrass Green at August 17, 2010 11:08 AM

I hate this car.
Are you okay?
Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!

Posted by: Kahntahmp at August 17, 2010 11:09 AM

Aw, well I think it looks cute. Not gonna lie.

Posted by: grace b at August 17, 2010 11:10 AM

Yes, sarahk, the pretense! Why not Edward Fitzgerald Burns? Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Zachary Ty Bryan ugh, ugh, ugh.

Posted by: EllenP at August 17, 2010 11:11 AM

You know, if you had any nuts, that would be funny. But you don't and it isn't.

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at August 17, 2010 11:19 AM

The fuck? He's the kid from the AT&T commercial?

I hate that too.

Fucking hell.

Posted by: TK at August 17, 2010 11:21 AM

After seeing this preview, my Meh got dressed up, called his boys, went to the club, got drunk, took home a lady, banged her, had a pregnancy scare, then returned home to my soul with stories of believable youth and exuberance that were missing from this trailer.

Posted by: Kballs at August 17, 2010 11:30 AM

He must be racking up the rollover minutes by spending his time in dreamy beach scenes with a generic blonde girl.

Posted by: Dangerous Dave at August 17, 2010 11:33 AM

Now I want to murder everybody with a dull paper-cutter.

Posted by: admin at August 17, 2010 11:35 AM

I hate Brooke, who looks like yet another manic pixie dream girl, albeit one who looks nice in a bikini.

False. That woman has not eaten anything in years and it disturbs me. Med students could study the human skeleton by looking at her in that bikini. Ew. ::wanders off to look at Christina Hendricks photos::

Posted by: KatSings at August 17, 2010 11:43 AM

I love adorable movies with manicpixiedreamgirls.
But that trailer made me want to punch infants.
I don't even know what it was. It just seems so plastic.
However, I watched Synecdoche, New York last night so I believe I need to briefly quote it.

Fuck everybody. Amen.

Posted by: A-schaef at August 17, 2010 11:47 AM

Can you say pre-dick-table?

*jeesh*

Posted by: Stephen Mercer at August 17, 2010 12:17 PM

A-schaef, you spoke it, I agree, especially the Snynechoche, New York reference.

This is about as far from S,NY as one can get, completely mindless and sterile of emotion.

Posted by: SittingPat at August 17, 2010 12:27 PM

I liked Burns in Confidence, mainly because up until then I couldn't figure out how he had a career. That movie showed me that Edward Burns' career isn't based on talent, but on fast-talking bullshit and brazen hokum.

Posted by: alone in the dark at August 17, 2010 12:27 PM

Aw, I love hating things.

I watched the trailer and got absolutely nothing from it. Nada. Most of the time, I can walk away from a trailer with some idea what the movie's going to be about. Not the case here. There was literally nothing that gave me any idea what the fuck is going on, other than a couple American Apparel models bumming around without jobs.

Like I said, I love hating things...

Posted by: Skitz at August 17, 2010 12:52 PM

Ohhh, that's what I know that girl from, she was in the super-canceled Virtuality. She looks like she hasn't eaten since then.

Posted by: Uda at August 17, 2010 1:02 PM

Hey Ed Burns. Fuck you. I already know Matt Bush, and so does everyone else. We met him in Adventureland, and still not having seen this shit, he was much better in that.

Posted by: PissBoy at August 17, 2010 1:07 PM

Blargh. I can't even watch Saving Private Ryan, just because of Burns. That dude just oozes douche.

Posted by: figgy at August 17, 2010 1:09 PM

His dream job is in TALK RADIO!?! It's the Rush Limbaugh biopic where he decides to sell his sould to Belial (Lord of the Hoary underworld!!) halfway through the movie, sacrificing the girl for power fame and fortune, not realizing that he will be forced to eat all the food she would have eaten, thus making him bloat up to grotesque size, injure his back and become addicted to painkillers and lose his hearing. Then, just as he's convinced that the Devil (Master of the Damned Masses!) has won he realizes there is no God thus his transgressions go unpunished, he gets to go to the Dominican Republic with bottles of Viagra on questionable vacations, he'll get married in an elaborate ceremony with Elton John and continue to make money spouting bile and fearmongering. Then the movie ends convincing all of us life is a hollow and empty thing where good never wins. Oh, and there will be a ballad by Aerosmith, in case there is some small spark of life in any of you freaks.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 17, 2010 1:32 PM

That was two minutes of a couple of twenty-somethings on a beach giving each other empty looks and letting their sentences trail off. With dippy music. And who says "Man" that much in the Hamptons?

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at August 17, 2010 2:02 PM

Since I officially hate every Irish-American who walks around wearing tweed soft caps, and since Ed Burns is the patron saint of such cap-wearers (who roam in packs to Flogging Molly gigs by the way), I believe I officially hate Ed Burns more than all of you put together.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 17, 2010 2:09 PM

"I hate the Death Cab For Cutie-esque song in the trailer"

It sounded more Simon and Garfunkel-esque to me. Did anyone else feel like they were trying to invoke The Graduate with those pool scenes?

Oh, and I gagged at the line "you and I can save the world."

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at August 17, 2010 2:56 PM

The only thing that bothers me about Edward Burns is his terribly high, thin voice. I hate his voice.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at August 17, 2010 3:26 PM

fuck you, I've been to the Hamptons and they won't even let you on the beach without a fucking pass that says I OWN A MANSION AND SHIT HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS.

We had packed a lunch and driven out there to picnic on the beach and all the yuppies out sitting in traffic in their Bentleys were like, "Who let the middle-class hobos in?"

i.e. you're not chilling on the beach all night feeling moody in the Hamptons. Go to the North Fork and slum it like the rest of us.

Posted by: Lindsay at August 17, 2010 3:38 PM

AT&T kid was in Veronica Mars, too, but my love for that show does not extend to his character, who was kind of a pussy.

Posted by: badkittyuno at August 17, 2010 4:06 PM

No, you guys this isn't so bad. It's a little twee but I'm sure the movie has a lot more to offer than the trailer.

By the way: Does anyone have a syringe full of insulin? I just need to inject it into my eyeballs.

Posted by: greer at August 17, 2010 7:06 PM

In short, I’ll probably see it.

Yeah, 'cause your bestest buddy Rowles is going to assign it to you. And you'll wish you were back reviewing Lifetime movies. Ugh. Pass the scotch, man.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 17, 2010 9:53 PM

You shut your dirty goddamn mouth, Creep. If he reads that and I get stuck with this, I will rain hell down upon you, you hear me?

Posted by: TK at August 17, 2010 9:56 PM

You fuckers are crazy and I love it. Keep bringing the hate. But can't one of you be at least be a little bit funny? Brazen hokum? You clowns can do better than that. Love from Strong Island, his doucheness, Edmaster Suck Ass.

Posted by: Edward "The Irish American Asshole" Burns at August 17, 2010 11:07 PM

I'd like to know about beaches in places like new hampshire and maine, and what not. Having grown up in the landlocked southwest, I have no idea of the geography of the northeast, and I always like the looks of the ocean/beach. Are they all rich people exclusive, does the average man get to live close to a beach, or is that beach trash strewn, etc, any description would be great.

Posted by: e at August 18, 2010 1:09 AM

Also need to add that 500 days of summer finally broke me of my manic-pixie-dream girl love. Is that sad? I guess I finally realized that a true manic-pixie-dream girl would probably roll over me and crush my heart, then skip off listening to some band I've never heard of as she "follows her heart."

Posted by: e at August 18, 2010 1:11 AM

"the timeless trope of the slightly awkward kid falling for the beautiful girl."

Well, geez, I'm sure not falling for the ugly girl. (One reason I was a virgin until age 34)

Posted by: Pat C at August 18, 2010 6:49 PM

I agree that this movie looks like it falls into all those stereotypical boy meets girl movies! But if you're going to trash a movie, its trailer and the music at least get the name of the artist who is singing the song in the trailer correct. The artist's name is PT Walkley not PT Watley. I guess this movie angered you so much that you forgot to do your research.

Posted by: Jones at September 12, 2010 8:18 PM

I am so sorry you are all carrying around so much hatred. Outside of anonymous smarmy blogging, you must be completely crippled by insecurity. you know it's true because you're thinking about it and it will wake you up at 530 this morning. what do you get out of tearing movies and music apart? why not talk about movies you like or lines from songs that you don't feel too cool to embrace? or better yet try creating something of your own rather than using this BS as a stall tactic / force field.

Posted by: Caloric at November 5, 2010 9:23 PM