By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
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Posted by: the_wakeful at April 28, 2011 6:25 PM
I only liked the music. EPIC MUSIC.
This new chick sure stinks.
Posted by: junierizzle at April 28, 2011 6:28 PM
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHMMMM...
Wait. Where did I hear that befBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM...
Hans Zimmer composed the Soundtrack, didn't he? At least for the trailer?
Posted by: Rook at April 28, 2011 6:31 PM
Laserbeak!
Posted by: Jay at April 28, 2011 6:38 PM
The soundtrack looks to be a mix of Inception and Tron.
Posted by: Matt at April 28, 2011 6:39 PM
No.
Posted by: RobP at April 28, 2011 6:42 PM
Wow, I bet this'll be...loud.
Posted by: becks at April 28, 2011 6:49 PM
Michael Bay is, like, allergic to static shots. Either he thinks more motion equals more excitement or he doesn't understand what composition is. Probably both.
Posted by: Todd at April 28, 2011 6:50 PM
Shouldn't there be a Decepticon yelling, "Release the Kraken!" before that last sequence with the giant robo-squid?
Posted by: Ryan at April 28, 2011 7:18 PM
no
Posted by: Protoguy at April 28, 2011 7:40 PM
British film reviewer Mark Kermode had a very good review explaining exactly what was so terrible about Transformers 2, I'm sure everything there will apply to this too...
Posted by: Jesse M. at April 28, 2011 8:08 PM
Yep. That looks completely brainless, extravagant, loud, and totally without any redeeming worth.
At least it'll be be better than "Breaking Dawn"*
*so long as "Breaking Dawn" is still not made by David Cronenberg.
Posted by: Mad Jack Deacon at April 28, 2011 8:09 PM
Who said "Laserbeak"? Jay?? Thank you, Jay. I'm pretty sure that's totally who that was.
Now...was that blaster-handed one Shockwave? I've got real American money that says it was.
Posted by: Green Lantern at April 28, 2011 9:43 PM
Oh, no. Is that Frances McDormand? They sucked you into this shitstorm?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Posted by: vaskark at April 28, 2011 11:02 PM
Huh. Well it still looks stupid as fuck, but I think they've finally managed to make the robots look like actual ROBOTS instead of piles of scrap held together with chewing gum. Like they've actually managed to make the CGI a little better.
I might get this on Netflix. The second one? Never even watched a trailer for it.
Posted by: Figgy at April 28, 2011 11:25 PM
The soundtracks to these trailers are getting to better than the movies themselves.
Posted by: Kris at April 29, 2011 1:34 AM
"Breaking Dawn" [...] made by David Cronenberg
Now that I might pay to see.
Posted by: MM at April 29, 2011 2:01 AM
The headline promised me a boner... Where's my boner??? I'll pass on the second part of it, though.
Posted by: Uriah Creep at April 29, 2011 6:00 AM
I've said it before, and I'll say it again..
Michael Bay sucks balls.
Period.
You know how you look back on certain cultural themes and fads of days gone by and just fucking cringe? Like 70's polyester and disco? 80's day-glo and mullets? You just want to go "Make it stop! Oh God what were they thinking, please just make it stop?"
Trust me, in about twenty years, that'll be Michael Bay.
He's going to be the cinematic equivalent of that horrifically awkward high school year book photo.
You're going to be chatting with your teenage kids and their friends, and thinking you're the cool dad. Patting yourself on the back for being hip and not a fuddy-duddy, and then before you know it BAM! Your kids will bust out with this glimpse of your past.
"Hey check it! One time on the internet Dad talked about how he liked those Michael Bay movies! Bwah-ha haha!!!"
"No shit? You mean that guy who sucked balls? Your Dad liked him? No way!"
And then you're going to experience the five stages of the Kübler-Ross model of Michael Bay syndrome:
1. Denial. "I never wrote that! Someone else did! That wasn't me! I was all about Christopher Nolan and shit! Jean-Luc Besson-Reno was my fucking hero! And Samuel L. Jackson Peckinpah! Never Forget!"
2. Anger. "Fuck you! you kids don't know what it was like back then! Bush was president! We were at war... again.. and again...and again..."
3. Bargaining. "Okay, so maybe I did see Armageddon! But it had one of the best establishment of characters in a beginning sequence I'd ever seen! Like the oil rig scene, it introduced you to all the main characters and their personality within that sequence, like the Cocky Young Guy, and the Cocky Older Guy, and the Cocky Guy Who Wasn't That Good Looking, and the Cocky Black Guy, and ... ohhh shit..."
This will lead to stage..
4. Depression. "Oh shit.... All those Werner Herzog movies I could have watched. I don't think I've ever even seen Repo Man. And to think the only John Woo movies I saw had Nicholas Cage in them. I wasted my youth..."
This will finally be followed by...
5. Acceptance. "Yeah, that was a long time ago. But still... You're right, Son. I guess I did like Michael Bay movies. I guess it's time to give up my manhood and start sucking balls.."
And then you'll hope and pray they don't start going through your record collection...
Posted by: TheUpsetter at April 29, 2011 7:01 AM
EXPLOSIONS ON THE MOON?!?!?!? With a queefcore soundtrack?!?!?!? You had me at hello, movie, you had me at hello.
Posted by: StoatCat at April 29, 2011 9:21 AM
Will the theater provide airsickness bags?
Posted by: The Wanderer at April 29, 2011 9:30 AM
So, let me get this staight. Megatron was trapped under the ice, the Fallen was on Mars(?) with his kill the sun machine in the pyramid at Giza, the primes were all dead in a temple wall next to those pyramids, that elderly blackbird jet was in the Smithsonian, and now an invading army of Decepticons was all over the damn moon? Should I be looking for transformers in my backyard? In my shower? Were there any damn robots left on Cybertron?
Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 29, 2011 10:33 AM
I love watching the Transformers transform. And beat the shit out of one another. Don't know that I'd pay to see it, but I do like the special effects.
Posted by: ChickaBoom! at April 29, 2011 10:35 AM
@Mrcreosote: No, there aren't any robots left on Cybertron, because Cybertron is a dying world since the Allspark rocketed off of it. I know the plot's ridiculous, and 2 was particularly convoluted, but this is like a central tenet of the movies. It's mentioned in the opening damn monologue of the first film. It's like asking "So Jedi have superhuman powers and wield swords that can cut through anything. How is this possible? Is it ever explained?"
Posted by: Shadowen at April 29, 2011 7:25 PM
Shadowen,
So they ALL went to Earth? Let's not forget at the end of the first movie Optimus sends a message to all other 'Bots across the galaxy, when apparently they were in range of a halfway decent cell phone.
Aaaaand I'd be very careful using a Star Wars analogy because well,
Midichlorians-they do a body good.
Posted by: mrcreosote at April 30, 2011 8:03 PM
Well, that was more or less what I expected.
I have mixed feelings... on the one hand, I have this moral obligation to watch literally anything involving Peter Cullen (I will never apologize for my adoration for that man. His voice is one of my early childhood memories, right up there with the theme from M.A.S.H., bagpipes and the smell of black powder burning) but on the other hand it is Michael Bay.
Has he ever made anything approximating a decent film? I've seen most of them (I'm male, I'm hardwired to want to see things explode) but none of them are really any good. They are like McDonald's food - they seem satisfying but even before you're done you start to feel nauseous and know you've made a terrible mistake.
As an aside: what has he done to that poor leading lady? The last time I saw anything with that expression it was a bass that I'd just clubbed against the gunwale of a canoe while extracting the fishhook. Does anyone find the "recent lobotomy patient" look attractive? Is that what Michael Bay thinks is sexy? My first thought was that someone should check for signs of a concussion and maybe wrap her in a blanket to ward off shock.
Posted by: Wintermute at May 1, 2011 12:00 AM
Did Micheal Bay make that poor woman keep the same stupid face for the entire movie?