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New Conan The Barbarian Trailer: All I Can Say Is, There Better Be Camel-Punching

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (24)

jason-momoa-in-conan-the-barbarian-2011-movie-image-3.jpg

I never thought I’d say this, but there’s a chance… a slim chance, but a chance nonethless, that Marcus Nispel’s Conan The Barbarian might just be awesome. I don’t mean it’ll be good. God, no. There isn’t a fucking prayer of that. But there’s a chance that it may elevate itself into B-movie glory. It looks absolutely idiotic. But it looks like violent, gory fun, filled with goofy dialogue and lots of sword-swinging mayhem.

A big part of my change of heart is the fact that now that I’ve actually seen Jason Momoa in action in “Game Of Thrones,” I realize he might be great at it. His portrayal is essentially an English-speaking Khal Drogo — shirtless, grunting, fucking people up. And you know what? I can live with that. The truth is, this doesn’t seem likely to adhere to some of the character’s canon — it doesn’t appear that he’s a thief or adventurer, but who knows. Ron Perlman looks awesomely strange and shaggy. Rose McGowan is strangely hot, in a way I’m not quite comfortable with. It’s gonna be dumb, but it might be a fun dumb.

Anyway, here’s the new red-band trailer. NSFW for lots of blood and shitty nu-metal.

All I can say is, if he doesn’t punch a camel, I’m setting the theater on fire.









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Comments

*clappyhandshappydance*

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at June 20, 2011 10:04 AM

It's still not as good as when Mongo coldcocked the horse in "Blazing Saddles".

Anyone else notice the title card "ENTER THE WORLD" came up right after the sex scene shots?

Is that what the kids called it way back when?

Posted by: bleujayone at June 20, 2011 10:14 AM

I really want this to be successful, so maybe they will give Soloman Kane a chance and release it in the U.S.

Try to remember this is a Robert E. Howard story. (A contemporary and friend of H.P. Lovecraft. Okay, just wikipedia those guys and learn something... )

Posted by: MRod at June 20, 2011 10:19 AM

I am going to watch this and it will be gloriously stupid and bloody and punchy and I will giggle with glee THROUGH THE WHOLE THING while the husband sighs. AW YEEAH!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 20, 2011 10:26 AM

Hmm 10 days before my birthday. I'm hoping for a better present.

Posted by: logan at June 20, 2011 10:39 AM

Manoa is the reason me and my friend are going, after that fight in GOT I was sold. Also there better be camel punching!

Posted by: Melody Be at June 20, 2011 10:50 AM

Camel punching is hard to beat, but I could watch Conan clothesline that horse with a giant effing chain all day long.

Posted by: RobP at June 20, 2011 11:02 AM

If you desire attacks on animals, go watch Red Cliff. At one point, one of the warlords tackles a horse.

Successfully.

Then there's one of the female characters who happens to know pressure points and K.O.'s some lordling's steed while he's still riding it.

But really: large bearded Chinese man charges a horse and tackles it like it was carrying a football instead of someone with a spear.

Posted by: Uncommoner at June 20, 2011 11:04 AM

Please tell me you mean Rachel Nichols (smoking) and not Rose McGowan, otherwise *shudder*

Posted by: AndyD at June 20, 2011 11:05 AM

okay, this could be way better than i feared.
(i gotta agree that momoa's performance on GoT has helped persuade me that this could be watchable)

Posted by: the Fatman at June 20, 2011 11:06 AM

Is that Joaquin Phoenix?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 20, 2011 11:20 AM

While Nichols is very beautiful, she's giving off a damsel in distress vibe, which does not jive with me. Sandahl Bergman might be a bad actress but at least Valeria kicked all kinds of ass. The relationship of Valeria and Conan is my favorite part of the original movie, they gave off a complete 50/50 partnership, looks like they are losing it and that makes me sad.

Posted by: Melody Be at June 20, 2011 11:24 AM

When did it be come "Kon-nen" and stop being "Koh-NAN"?

Kon-nen O Bry Ann must be pleased.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at June 20, 2011 11:47 AM

my next guilty pleasure: shirtless very manly guys+ many bloods + awful CGI=lobotomy my brain

Posted by: carrie at June 20, 2011 11:53 AM

i cant wait to watch this on TBS on a rainy sunday afternoon!

Posted by: blacksred at June 20, 2011 12:23 PM

I looked up "Camel Punch" on the urban dictionary and got nothing. Imagine my disappointment.

Posted by: BieceAmbrose at June 20, 2011 12:43 PM

The truth is, this doesn’t seem likely to adhere to some of the character’s canon

That's something of an understatement.

There isn't likely to be any camel punching, sad to say. Well, sad for you and all the others hoping for it: I'd die a happy man if I never saw Conan punching a camel ever again.

Try to remember this is a Robert E. Howard story.

It isn't a Robert E. Howard story. It's a new story made up by the screenwriters, with none of the characters, plot or events of the original tales making any appearance.

While Nichols is very beautiful, she's giving off a damsel in distress vibe, which does not jive with me. Sandahl Bergman might be a bad actress but at least Valeria kicked all kinds of ass. The relationship of Valeria and Conan is my favorite part of the original movie, they gave off a complete 50/50 partnership, looks like they are losing it and that makes me sad.

While the trailers do give that unfortunate impression, Nichols' character is actually a queen's bodyguard, so she can definitely handle a sword. In the first trailer, you can see her scrapping with Marique (Rose McGowan), and she's wielding a sword in the character portrait poster.

I don't understand why we haven't seen any shots of her fighting, since Valeria was one of the most Howardian elements of the 1982 film (even if they do steal the death of Belit from "Queen of the Black Coast"), and Rachel was undoubtedly hired for her fight choreography expertise.

When did it be come "Kon-nen" and stop being "Koh-NAN"?

Conan's an actual Irish name: Howard likely got it from the many Conans of history and legend, as well as Arthur Conan Doyle. He pronounced it Kon-nen. It was always Kon-nen. Koh-NAN is wrong. So to answer your question, it never stopped being Kon-nen: Koh-NAN is just a misconception that appeared round about the 1980s.

Posted by: Taranaich at June 20, 2011 12:48 PM

Thanks Taranaich, I haven't read the comics, though my dad had a whole stash of them growing up.

As long as Conan starts a slave and dies a king, I guess I can't bitch too much.

Posted by: Melody Be at June 20, 2011 1:02 PM

Fine... a REH "character"...

Posted by: MRod at June 20, 2011 4:30 PM

Well, it certainly looks fun. If nothing else, Conan´s joy of battle comes across well.

Posted by: qualtinger at June 20, 2011 4:38 PM

Is that Stephen Lang, the dude from Avatar? If so I like it more.

Posted by: Protoguy at June 20, 2011 5:30 PM

I've said it before and I stand by this: you're all gonna go giggly over this. Love the Momoa. Have since Stargate Atlantis. And I'm also with RobP. Camel punching? Funny and cute. Clotheslining a horse with a massive chain? Friggin awesome!

Posted by: Odnon at June 20, 2011 6:09 PM

I'm in, chuckling at the cracktacularness all the way.

But where is the lamentation of the women? I saw none.

And why oh why is there nu-metal? Cimmerians do not play Flying Wings.

Posted by: trib at June 20, 2011 10:55 PM

Khal Drogo! He's alive!

I love him so much. Oh, it hurt to see him a shell of his former self. What a superb Khal Drogo he was.

I may actually see this, just for him.

You have NO idea what a huge deal that is, my saying that. That's how much I liked this dude in that role.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 21, 2011 10:54 AM