Pajiba

I find it hard to get that upset about this crap other than for the fact that it crowds genuine programming off the TV (and provides a new crop of wannabes for my beloved prurient interest programming Celebrity Rehab). Since I should be out in the garden weeding and yelling at kids to get off my lawn anyway, it's actually a blessing in disguise.

Isn't Ow My Balls the concept behind Jackass? You see how the idiocracy sucks us in; We are in waist deep and haven't even noticed. Bread and circus!

Um, I'd do the one on the far left.

*hangs head in shame*

I just watched that whole thing. Now I want to stab something.

All women? There's no spoiled little male offspring to mock here? My Super Sweet 16 had boy's parties as well. I believe the most lavish party ever was a boy who was the crotchfruit of a record mogul. Asto how I know that, HEY LOOK OVER THERE.

Fuck these bitches. I just spent two hours dry heaving from stress because I've spent so much time looking for jobs and can't even get Starbucks to call me back. STARBUCKS. And I still have bills to pay. They're complaining about having to earn their own money while they own single items of clothing that cost more than my entire wardrobe. Fuck them in the ear with a hot poker. I hope they all end up on the streets.

wait... where do i sign up to become a princess? that shit seems great... should i take the ferrari or the bentley?? oh the choices... this whole "working so i can eat and pay my bills and not be homeless" is bullshit. Can I sign up with Obama to become one of these people?

Christ. I thought we were done with the whole "Rich People on TV!" trend? Fuck.

What kills me about these shows is that they mean fuck ALL. Their parents are trying to teach them a lesson by putting them into a mansion with other rich bitches and putting cameras in their faces to satisfy their famewhoring needs? Oh no! And after the what, three weeks, they go back to being rich wastes of life, only they'll be "famous" because they were on TV?

Fuck you, Vh1. Fuck you and your insistence in encouraging the vilest pieces of trash on earth to become famous for 15 minutes.

See, this is the shit I'm talking about when I say that "Sex and the City" is not by any means the worst offender in encouraging women to be a worthless waste of space. SATC would have to get considerably stupider (it's a word, trust me) and become so shallow its depth could only be measured in nanometers to be worse than the reality vomit filling our airwaves now.

"Sex and the City" is a women's studies class compared to crap like this. And the people who keep the crap on the air by watching it aren't even ashamed. They think it's funny. I don't know why.

I hate myself for watching the trailer. I will never watch this on TV.

I'm tempted to watch this because I love me some shaudenfreude, but I suspect it would have a harmful effect on my blood pressure.

They need to make a show called "I work for a non-profit" and put me, my fellow co-workers and their families up in nice houses with an extra $200 dollars a week. Then reward us every time my work puts together a foster family or protects children from their crazy parents.

Fuck.

I know one of those girls and she's in a really good law school and not just mooching off the rents. The show is just like their breasts -- FAKE!

Being in a mansion, surrounded with a production crew and all of the amenities a full network production entails does not equal "roughing it." Oh boo-fucking-hoo you vapid bunch of plastic whores, someone is going to occasionally force you to complete a task you usually underpay an immigrant to perform.

A REAL version of this show would be giving these bitches one set of clothing, a hand-held dv cam and batteries and setting them loose on the streets of NYC for a month. The only way they could get fed at the soup kitchen at night would be to turn in a FULL tape of their day's activities. They'd get another tape when they're done cleaning up after the meal and be sent on their way for another 24 hours.

Let them really taste what need feels like, and how desperation can change who you are as a person. How true hardship can sharpen your soft parts into a hard edge and make you ruthless. And how you never, ever suck a dick behind the dumpster without seeing the money first.

Would you buy it for a quarter?

Why the fuck do they get to live in a mansion?

Seriously, if you want to actually teach a lesson to the 'lil debutards (a real word, trust me), stick 'em all in a cramped, drafty, roach-infested & condemned apartment in Detroit. Make them bunk up together with the odd one out having to slum it on the couch recovered from the side of the road. Make 'em wait in line to the only bathroom and make them decide who gets hot water that morning. Make them have to ride to their new shitty minimum wage slave jobs via mass transit. Then watch their horror when they get their chickenfeed paychecks after FICA, taxes and other deductions, then take the rest of it away in rent, food and other "commoner" expenses. Take away all their designer threads and make them find clothes in bargain stores, Wal-Mart and Goodwill racks. Make them eat rammen noodles and generic peanut butter. Make them have to choose between tampons and toilet paper. If they get sick, they have to pay for the hospital bills out of pocket. And if they spend their food money on pedicures, they get to go hungry or take on a second overnight job involving physical labor.

And if they start to whine and cry they get sold into sex slavery in the Philippines.

Either they learn their lesson in earnest or they are removed from our sight.

Problem solved.

****takes a deep breath****

Just when you think that the lowest common denominator has been reached, society finds a way to debase itself even further.

I've never been too much of a fan of reality shows. Never seen Survivor or the Amazing Race, which I guess are are on the upper echelon of these types of shows. In addition, I've never seen any shows on MTV or VH1, (who seem to have moved their corporate offices to the Devil's Taint), where people who have never accomplished anything in their own lives save for the fact that they hit the genetic lotto and were born with rich parents. Yet, without watching one show, I know more about these people than I do some of my own family members. I can't for the life of me understand why we choose to champion mediocrity like this. (Thanks to Jim Court for that line).

Let's take a look at the most popular shows. The Kardashian one, where a girl who became famous for being a human urinal for various rappers and athletes and is celebrated for her big ass. Then we are introduced to her sisters, Bigfoot and the slutty one who got knocked up by an uber douche. Great role models for our future.

Then we get to the Hills. I really only know two people on this, but they are two of the worst human beings on the planet. The Colostomy bag that is Spencer and the human Barbie doll that is his soon to be ex wife Heidi. If they spent the next 20 years in Calcutta continuing the work of Mother Theresa and saved hundreds of lives, the first line of their obituary would still be, "The Worlds Ultimate Douchebag and that Vapid Bitch are finally dead".

And then there's shows with these teenagers who steal shit, bitch about birthday gifts and fight each other all the time. Maybe if we put them all in a gladiator type setting and they killed each other for Prada gear or a new Bentley, I'd watch that. That would be hardcore.

Now this piece of freshly minted soft turd. If you have Perez Hilton on as a "Judge" of your life, you have made a wrong turn somewhere. I refuse to believe these queefs are that stupid. But if they are, I blame the parents and I will lead the screaming mob that goes to their houses and puts an end to their bloodlines. Because they shouldn't be allowed to breed.

I'm going to go watch a couple episodes of West Wing on DVD and then read a book. But first I need a shower to get rid of the stench of this show. We all must get clean.....just turn the TV off when shit like this is on.

***exhales***