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I Smell a Rat!

Hmmm. Smells Like Money and Greed and Whores / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | July 28, 2009 | Comments (37)

Of the 165 comments (at last look) on last night’s comment diversion asking what your favorite children’s book was, there was only one mention of Robert C. O’Brien’s Newberry Medal Award winning Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. The movie, of course, was the source of the 1982 animated Don Bluth film, The Secrets of NIHM. I never actually saw the original because I was seven when it came out, and I had more important things to do, like play Pac-man, run from Johnny Law, and bed the ladies of my second-grade class. I busted a lot of caps in asses that year, and I didn’t have time for cartoon rats.

All of which is to say: If Hollywood wants to remake NIMH, you won’t find any objections from me. And why not? Rodents are more popular than Twitter these days. Kids love rabies-infected vermin! G-Force was the number one film over the weekend; Ratatouille was a big hit two years ago; The Fantastic Mr. Fox is due out at year’s end; and it’s only a matter of time before Caddyshack’s Gopher gets his own spin-off.

The movie follows a mouse — Mrs. Frisby, re-named Mrs. Brisby in the MGM movie — faced with a crisis when her son falls ill and she must move her family to escape a farmer’s plow. The original was fairly dark for a G-rated movie — Mrs. Brisby slept with the farmer to save her family — though the remake will likely be a live-action/flatulence hybrid.

Paramount is developing the remake; Neil Burger (The Illusionist) is working on the script. And a series of big-name Hollywood talent is, no doubt, lining up to collect a big paycheck for little work. Bruce Willis and Steve Carrel are shoe-ins.



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Comments

I can see the tie ins now....
Secrets of Nihm Rat traps
Rat flavored milkshakes
Rat tubes for orifices.

Trace Bullet can work on the details.

Posted by: badalamenti at July 28, 2009 11:39 AM

Mmmmmm...Burger.

Posted by: TheGreasedScotsman at July 28, 2009 11:40 AM

I was going to shout, "Stop raping my childhood, fuckers!" but it would be futile. I surrender.

Posted by: Nicole at July 28, 2009 11:40 AM

Excuse me.
Tracer Bullet.

Posted by: badalamenti at July 28, 2009 11:41 AM

I'm fine with this.. the movie was ok but very different from the book. As I recall - and remember I was a wee child when I last read it - the book was quite sophisticated, what with the lab rats and mice and experiments and such.

Posted by: Dariuss at July 28, 2009 11:41 AM

Wel, I have seen the original, many, many times, and it remains one of my favorites. And, like everything else that's being rehashed, this movie does not need to be remade. I promise you, it's lovely just the way it is, and surely available on DVD for those who want to see it.

I may have even had a tiny crush on Justin. And I know I'm not the only one who fell in love with cartoons. Admit it!

Posted by: Kolby at July 28, 2009 11:46 AM

And I know I'm not the only one who fell in love with cartoons. Admit it!

Well, back in the day, I really wanted to be the chutney filling in a Jonny Quest/Hadji sandwich.

Posted by: Drake at July 28, 2009 11:48 AM

No sir, I absolutely refuse to believe this!

I loved this movie as a child (I even own it on DVD). Why would they do this? Next you'll be telling me that they are remaking "The Last Unicorn" and "The Dark Crystal". Sure, none of these are light-hearted children's movies.. but I loved them and... and.. and... and... (sob)

Posted by: legib at July 28, 2009 11:57 AM

No. No, we do not need this. The original is damn fine with beautiful animation and excellent voice casting. Leave it alone you bastards!

Now, what we could use is a remake of "Watership Down". I'd like the rabbits to be photo real CGI and I want it rated Hard R for "scenes of intense graphic violence and war, mayhem, and strong language". Who do I send my check too?

Posted by: TylerDFC at July 28, 2009 11:58 AM

As a child, watching this film filled me this sort of dreadful anxiety...which was pretty much par for the course for 80s kids movies.

Think about it children of the 80s: almost every movie that you love from your childhood looks like either (a) an acid trip, or (b) a kid's worst fucking nightmare.

American Tail!!!!
Labyrinth!!!!!

FUCK!

I'm getting freaked out just thinking about those red-head-pully-offy-things.

Posted by: arr matey at July 28, 2009 12:05 PM

There was something beautiful about the way the original was drawn. I always remember the way that old rat's face would contort when saying the word "stone" and Dom Deluise will always have his sparkly.

Fuck you, Hollyw---ahhh, nevermind.

Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 12:06 PM

It's NIMH, not NIHM. As in the National Institute of Mental Health.

Pretty terrible news. Also, Dustin Rowles had the worst childhood ever. What did you get up to without cartoons or comic books?

Posted by: Whaler at July 28, 2009 12:07 PM

TylerDFC is right. Why the fuck DON'T they do Watership Down instead of this.

Or shit, even Tailchaser's Song.

Posted by: twig at July 28, 2009 12:08 PM

My fear is that a NIMH remake would involve a bunch of idiot PETA members trying to furthur indoctrinate the children about the evils of science.

Hell yeah on a full on R rated Watership Down.

Posted by: lwoodpdowd at July 28, 2009 12:09 PM

I'm with Dustin, I'm uninvolved and thus indifferent. Something seems to be fucking with the site though, I've gotten hung up twice.

Posted by: Jay at July 28, 2009 12:10 PM

no Kolby you are not alone... I too had a tiny crush on Justin... I even named our class rat Justin :)

I would go on to have many a cartoon crush... and if that is wrong... then I don't FUCKING CARE...

I loved this movie and have it on DVD and on VHS some wheres... this movie makes me cry to this day... and I don't even like rodents that much...

Posted by: Tammers at July 28, 2009 12:14 PM

Well, Hollywood, I guess that just about does it. I've ranted and raved, I've threatened and begged, I've even offered sexual favours (they always work for Jeremy) but to no avail.

So here we are, you've finally skullfucked me and my childhood so hard, for so long that you've actually managed to given me and my children brain damage. I can feel the last vestiges of any semblance of intelligence I once had leaking from my thouroughly reamed ear hole. As I type this I'm beginning to drool on my keyboard and am having to exert supreme contol over my bodily functions so as not to soil myself.

I can understand that you only meant to rape my face, but just think of what you've done to my children. So young, so full of potential. Now life will just be an endless cycle of forks with corks and bicycle helmets. I suppose we'll have to put bars on the doors to prevent them from venturing out in nothing but a poopy diaper, this is Canada, it's cold out there.

I would expect that you'll be hearing from my wife's lawyer, she didn't sign up for this shit. Can you imagine the poor woman, changing four sets of diapers six times a day (hey, I'm very regular)? The constant medical attention that I'll need when I'm always sticking this dangly thing in electrified orifaces? The sheer psychological trauma of only ever hearing your husband say "I got mail!" or "Timmay libba low!". I don't know how you can sleep at night.

Well, I'm about to start ramming my head into a wall for no apparent reason; then I might try to make love to the coffee maker, so I should probably be going. Thanks again for the retardation.

Sincerely Yours,

R. Doraaauuuuuuummmmmmm Snbfd'lpherrp;;. bvg

Posted by: admin at July 28, 2009 12:14 PM

This can only go one of two ways:

1) Paramount will fire Neil Berger, replace him with the manatee who wrote G-Force, remove the references to drugs, the National Institute of Mental Health, and Dragon being a vicious killer (which is what farm cats do). These will be replaced with crappy CGI, flatulence, Chris Rock as a rat addicted to "caffiene", Mrs. Frisby as a spandex-wearing whore who doesn't know who the fathers are for her four children, and Dragon turned into a crappy cardboard cut-out that the live action version of Garfield would be ashamed to call a cat.

2) Paramount will fire Neil Berger, replace him with the "_____ Movie" guys, and roll out an "adult" crappy-CGI stoner comedy (the rats were all high because they were testing drugs like super-weed, right?) that mocks Michael Jackson, TMZ, Facebook, and the current California budget crisis.

Every day, it gets harder and harder to justify why I don't slam my pen into my eyeball and whirl it around my forebrain until I think that Napoleon Dynamite is a funny movie.

Posted by: longcoat000 at July 28, 2009 12:18 PM

My understanding is that the magical stuff in the movie was not in the original book, so if they wanted to remake it to remove that, I... could somewhat support it. (Not go see it, of course, but at least not be enraged.) But there is no way they'll be able to keep the story consistent. In the eighties it wasn't automatically assumed that kids could not handle certain things, like rats straight-up murdering each other. Kids' movies these days are far too sanitized for that.

And I know I'm not the only one who fell in love with cartoons. Admit it!

Any reports that I had the hots for Cheetara are pretty much accurate grossly exaggerated.

Posted by: Todd at July 28, 2009 12:25 PM

Oh come on! Why? Honestly, why is a remake remotely necessary? This film was excellent in its time and holds up today. Is it really so difficult to write an original film and ruin that?

Also, hells yeah did I have a crush on Justin. Although nothing beats Disney's Robin Hood for inappropriate cartoon crushes.

Posted by: Alice at July 28, 2009 12:26 PM

and it’s only a matter of time before Caddyshack’s Gopher gets his own spin-off.
---
Hey, what about Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Squirrel?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 12:26 PM

... I'm telling you, they were DYNAMITE in that movie. Mr. Gopher? Not so much ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 12:28 PM

NO. I literally squealed aloud in the middle of the store when I saw Rats of NIMH on DVD, horribly embarrassing my mother (I was 21).

And Kolby, count me in on the Justin love. That voice...!

I've read the book too, I like 'em both.

Posted by: Cuno at July 28, 2009 12:47 PM

I'd like to see it if it's realistically done. Mice and Rats and such moving a CMU rodent home via technology, not magic.

Yes on Watership Down remake with photoreal CGI, or super cutting edge stop-motion or animatronics. I want to see how The Royal Foxenbaums looks before I make up my mind and consign some poor stop-mo crew to years of animating billions of rabbit hairs.

Who would do the Garfunkel turn on the remake? A new, haunting and beautiful song regarding death and loss in a rabbit cartoon, sung by a folk sisnger who also did porn?

Posted by: laredo at July 28, 2009 12:49 PM

@Alice:
Thank you.
I thought I was the only one who had a crush on a Fox.
An animated Fox.
With an accent.
Who shot arrows.
On second thought, all of this might have been better kept quiet.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 12:51 PM

singer....dammit. Also, bring on a new Plague Dogs...or get We3 in the theatre.

Posted by: laredo at July 28, 2009 12:54 PM

In a world of indecency, evil, and sin...only one varmint will stand against the forces of corruption. Only one devious force of nature will reclaim his rightful home from those that would take it from him. And only one will be able to outfox Carl Spackler.

Coming in 2011, the epic retelling of Caddyshack. Jackie Earle Haley stars as "the Gopher" in:

GOPHER BROKE!

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at July 28, 2009 12:55 PM

or get We3 in the theatre.

Now there's an idea.

Posted by: twig at July 28, 2009 12:59 PM

A full blown Watership would be awesome.

I used to yell "Silflay Hraka" to the opposing lineman during High School football, since it was a Catholic league and we were supposed to get flagged for Unsportsmanlike if we swore. I heard one guy complaining to the ref who looked at him and said, "Well, what does it mean?" Perplexed, he returned to the huddle. Two plays later I had to talk to the ref regarding another flag. I'm about to head back to my huddle when he stops me and says, "I'll let it go until halftime because that's one of my favorite books. After that, knock it off."

Yeah, we lost a lot.

Posted by: antietam at July 28, 2009 1:40 PM

WHAT?! Why are they remaking this movie?! From a technical standpoint, the animation for NIMH was fucking amazing! No one else did that kind of experimental work anywhere!

FUCKERS!

Posted by: Vi at July 28, 2009 1:43 PM

Watership Down? Dear godtopus, my parents sprung that one on me without any warning when I was a wee one - I still haven't fully recovered! No, that one can go the way of the dodo birds for all I care. But NIMH? That would be truly, epically, awesome.

Posted by: lordhelmet at July 28, 2009 2:18 PM

Mrs Brisby slept with the farmer? WTF???

Posted by: Dristan at July 28, 2009 7:35 PM

^^ what Dristan said. i read the book and watched the movie and i don't remember that business. actually come to think of it i barely remember it at all- just the two way less awesome books in the series about rascoe and the rats of NIMH and how they made peppermint candy with the humans. or something. nevermind. my childhood has blurred.

Posted by: betsy at July 28, 2009 9:24 PM

Not to be a total geek, but all of us have those books that in some way helped shape our lives, and The Rats of NIMH is one of those books for me. I read it the summer between fifth and sixth grade, when my father got stationed in Germany. I couldn't tell you what the book is about anymore, but I remember finishing it and feeling sorrow and a strange, wonderful joy. The connection I made between the book and my own life made me pick myself up and dust myself off and get on with things in a way I hadn't been able to do in any of our previous moves. I figured, if the rats could do it in a world working against them, I could too.

Thanks, Hollywood. One more piece of my childhood in your endless Destroying The Eighties Cog o' Doom.

Posted by: ladydi at July 28, 2009 10:02 PM

Kolby My Childhood Animated Crushes:

1. Lion-O of the Thundercats
2. Batman (From Batman:TAS)
3. Justin from Secret of NIMH

So there.

Posted by: ceejeemcbeegee at July 28, 2009 10:49 PM

I used to know the author's granddaughter, and she was a total cunt. I hope they don't get royalties from this.

And yeah, I'm a bit of a cunt too. what of it?

Posted by: Snarla at July 29, 2009 2:50 PM

I grew up with the movie (I'm 23 now and I still watch it), and I know the book is different, even though I never read it. I believe though that movies should be made more towards the book.

Also Legib, I feel bad for telling you this...they are doing another Dark Crystal Movie...sorry.

I also had a crush...on Disney's Robin Hood heh

Posted by: Jessica at August 19, 2009 9:20 PM





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